The Secret Secretions of Life, Death and Rape
During the middle ages, there were lots of witches around. A great test to divine the vile creatures was to “swim the witch.” A woman would be bound and thrown into a body of water such as a lake or cistern, and if she floated, she was a witch and would be burned at the stake. If the bound woman sank, she was innocent of being a witch. She would also possibly die from drowning. That’s a small price to pay to prove your innocence.
Romney said of Willke in 2007, ““I am proud to have the support of a man who has meant so much to the pro-life movement in our country...He knows how important it is to have someone in Washington who will actively promote pro-life policies. Policies that include more than appointing judges who will follow the law but also opposing taxpayer-funded abortion and partial-birth abortion.”” And it's great that Romney has a surrogate to teach us that sometimes a rape isn't a rape.
You see, a doctor said that women can defend themselves against pregnancy when raped, and if they get pregnant, it wasn't a rape. It fits into our ideology, and we wouldn’t want facts to interfere with our beliefs.
I have learned some other important things about human biology from doctors such as Dr. Willke that I feel it is important to pass on to the public.
1. Poor people secrete a juice so they don’t get hungry or need food. If you are truly poor, you won’t get hungry or need food. Food stamps are just not needed because real poor people are not “legitimately hungry.”
2. When you are shot, innocent people emit a fluid that heals you and keeps you from dying. If Treyvon Martin were innocent, he would have secreted the fluid of life to keep him alive. He died because he was guilty.
3. If the police are called by someone who says they were assaulted, the police must take special precautions to study the person carefully before believing them. If they have bruises or cuts on them, then they weren’t really assaulted. You see, the body of a person under assault will shut down and the chance of getting bruised is rare.
4. If a person is being deprived of water, they aren’t legitimately thirsty if they die of dehydration. People that are legitimately thirsty secrete a juice from their pancreas to quench their thirst and thus they don’t die.
5. A person who vomits isn’t legitimately nauseous because if they were they would emit bile from their gall bladder that would prevent vomiting. And if they die, they weren’t legitimately poisoned because the body of a poisoned person would shut down and prevent death.
So the next time someone complains about being sick, assaulted or raped, remember, if they have ill effects, it’s not real.