ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Tom Sawyer Caper

Updated on June 14, 2017

The Famous Story

Tom Sawyer's aunt demanded he whitewash the fence. There were a lot of other things he wanted to do, but he had to whitewash the fence.

As Tom was a bit more clever than his friends he made the task seem more fun than just about anything else and soon enough all his friends were whitewashing the fence and Tom was watching them, enjoying his sloth.


Tom Sawyer was good, but I'm better.

I can get people to do jobs they never had any intention of doing.
I can get people to do the worst jobs, for free.
I volunteer to do it.

Oh, you say, rubbing your chin, how's that go?

I find people who don't like me, suspect me, can't put me into a category and
view me with a mix of suspicion and dislike.

Then, out of a clear blue sky I tell them I want to volunteer to: (fill in something unpleasant) and lo and behold! that person, or that person's appointee will do that job.

A horrible job no one ever thought of doing is now being undertaken by someone whose main purpose in life is to 'deny' me the 'benefit.'

My Most Recent Triumph

Six weeks ago Miss P. died.
She died in that flat over there.

For six weeks that flat has
been locked while the owners
of the premises sat on their hands.

As Miss P. didn't have many
relatives who cared if she lived or
died, the first wash of vultures grabbed whatever value she might have had, (not much)
and left boxes and containers and closets and drawers full of her personal stuff.

There is the guy in charge of the flats; he's a pretentious prig on his best day.
We usually call him Pharaoh.

I go to him and mention that me and Rick would clean out Miss P.s flat.

Now Pharaoh looks down at me in his prigish style, his mouth in a knot and says something about already asking his wife to do that before proceeding away.

Rick is about to strangle me for he could think of about 1, 276,987 things he would rather
do than clean out a flat that has been locked for six weeks with a dead woman's stuff inside.

I say,

"If I had a dead rat on a leash,
Pharaoh would begrudge me
that dead rat. Since I don't
like him or his wife I decided
to give them a little task."

For four (4) days, Mrs. Pharaoh went through the stuff. Her husband dropped her
at about ten in the morning and picked her up at about one in the afternoon, and
brought her back at two until about six.

For four (4) days that woman was sitting on a table on a veranda going through box
after box, carrying the items to the veranda, (as the dust in the room would of
killed her), then going back for more.

Every time I saw her I choked on a laugh.

You Can Do it Too

Find someone that doesn't like you and volunteer for some horrible task.

It could be anything, researching all the laws that pertain to women. It could be rearranging an office. It could be, landscaping the complex, whatever it is that is a lot of work and no pay; volunteer.

As people who hate you operate on the; "Tell me what you want so I can deny it", principle, the mere idea you suggested it automatically attracts a "NO".

Now grab a front seat. Watch them go through law book after law book for weeks,
or spend their entire weekend moving furniture, or labouring in the sun to plant
those flowers, as you pass.

Try to look a bit glum when you do. Bursting out laughing is poor form.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • qeyler profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      I just wrote a hub based on that cleverness.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      6 years ago from England

      Hi, lol! I would walk past, smile and say, sucker! haha! another good one is to make out you are trying, really trying to move that wardrobe, cabinet and so on, struggle and huff and puff, then look at your loved one and say, you are so strong, please help! then sit down with a cuppa and smirk while they show off their muscles! haha!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)