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The Tom Sawyer Caper

Updated on June 14, 2017

The Famous Story

Tom Sawyer's aunt demanded he whitewash the fence. There were a lot of other things he wanted to do, but he had to whitewash the fence.

As Tom was a bit more clever than his friends he made the task seem more fun than just about anything else and soon enough all his friends were whitewashing the fence and Tom was watching them, enjoying his sloth.


Tom Sawyer was good, but I'm better.

I can get people to do jobs they never had any intention of doing.
I can get people to do the worst jobs, for free.
I volunteer to do it.

Oh, you say, rubbing your chin, how's that go?

I find people who don't like me, suspect me, can't put me into a category and
view me with a mix of suspicion and dislike.

Then, out of a clear blue sky I tell them I want to volunteer to: (fill in something unpleasant) and lo and behold! that person, or that person's appointee will do that job.

A horrible job no one ever thought of doing is now being undertaken by someone whose main purpose in life is to 'deny' me the 'benefit.'

My Most Recent Triumph

Six weeks ago Miss P. died.
She died in that flat over there.

For six weeks that flat has
been locked while the owners
of the premises sat on their hands.

As Miss P. didn't have many
relatives who cared if she lived or
died, the first wash of vultures grabbed whatever value she might have had, (not much)
and left boxes and containers and closets and drawers full of her personal stuff.

There is the guy in charge of the flats; he's a pretentious prig on his best day.
We usually call him Pharaoh.

I go to him and mention that me and Rick would clean out Miss P.s flat.

Now Pharaoh looks down at me in his prigish style, his mouth in a knot and says something about already asking his wife to do that before proceeding away.

Rick is about to strangle me for he could think of about 1, 276,987 things he would rather
do than clean out a flat that has been locked for six weeks with a dead woman's stuff inside.

I say,

"If I had a dead rat on a leash,
Pharaoh would begrudge me
that dead rat. Since I don't
like him or his wife I decided
to give them a little task."

For four (4) days, Mrs. Pharaoh went through the stuff. Her husband dropped her
at about ten in the morning and picked her up at about one in the afternoon, and
brought her back at two until about six.

For four (4) days that woman was sitting on a table on a veranda going through box
after box, carrying the items to the veranda, (as the dust in the room would of
killed her), then going back for more.

Every time I saw her I choked on a laugh.

You Can Do it Too

Find someone that doesn't like you and volunteer for some horrible task.

It could be anything, researching all the laws that pertain to women. It could be rearranging an office. It could be, landscaping the complex, whatever it is that is a lot of work and no pay; volunteer.

As people who hate you operate on the; "Tell me what you want so I can deny it", principle, the mere idea you suggested it automatically attracts a "NO".

Now grab a front seat. Watch them go through law book after law book for weeks,
or spend their entire weekend moving furniture, or labouring in the sun to plant
those flowers, as you pass.

Try to look a bit glum when you do. Bursting out laughing is poor form.


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    • qeyler profile image

      qeyler 5 years ago

      I just wrote a hub based on that cleverness.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Hi, lol! I would walk past, smile and say, sucker! haha! another good one is to make out you are trying, really trying to move that wardrobe, cabinet and so on, struggle and huff and puff, then look at your loved one and say, you are so strong, please help! then sit down with a cuppa and smirk while they show off their muscles! haha!