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They're Coming to Take Your Cars Away!

Updated on June 19, 2013

The Gun Lovers, Part 3

ON THE NATIONAL NEWS the other night they covered an ongoing national story. Well over a thousand people had gathered in downtown Biloxi chanting, "They're coming to take our cars away! They're coming to take our cars away!"

Similar size crowds chanting the exact same thing had gathered over the past month in Phoenix, Arizona, Laramie, Wyoming, and Louisville, Kentucky. Clearly, they were fired up. But as the cameras panned their faces in close-up, you could see that they were frightened as well.

They seriously thought the federal government was going to override 110 years of custom and statute and take people's cars away from them.

So after weeks of hubbub and confusion, anger and fear, a panel of three was gathered on CNN consisting of the CEO of Ford Motor Company, the Secretary of Transportation, and the Police Chief of Chicago.

They assured all the protesters, including classic car collectors, NASCAR enthusiasts, multiple vehicle owners, and everyday commuters that, no, you could keep all your cars and vehicles, with the sole exceptions of military tanks, large armored vehicles, and detached roof vehicles with mounted machine guns. All the rest... were yours to keep!

The news anchor and panel moderator went on to ask, "Yes, but what about all the regulations?"

"Well," said the Secretary of Transportation, "If you're going to drive you're still going to have to take Driver's Ed in school or a state-certified driving course. You're still going to be licensed and insured. Your vehicle will continue to have a VIN identification number in case of its involvement in a crime, an accident or it being stolen. And you're still going to have your vehicle inspected once a year. Do this and you can keep your car, truck, van, SUV, or motorcycle!"

"That's it?" asked the moderator.

"Of course you'll have to follow local speed limits, stop at red lights, railroad crossings and stop signs, and not drive while impaired on alcohol or drugs." chimed in the Chicago Police Chief. "You don't want your license suspended, do you?" he asked, looking at the camera.

"But otherwise, no government confiscation of people's vehicles, right?" the concerned moderate inquired.

"No, no one is talking confiscation," said the CEO of Ford. "No serious person in authority on either the state or federal level is talking about taking cars away from law abiding citizens. Of course, if you park illegally or drive drunk, your car will be towed away and impounded. But that's only temporary, and only for law breakers. But even they will pay a fine and then get their vehicles back."

"Anything else?" asked the CNN anchor.

"Sure," said the Ford exec, "Take good care of your cars and trucks. The better care you give them the longer they'll last and the safer your driving will be. Obey speed limits. Stop when school buses stop and flash their lights. Don't drive drunk. Wear your seat belts, for goodness sake. And don't let children drive cars. Kids under 16 or 17 should not be operating vehicles on public roads or highways."

"That's it?" asked the anchor.

"Yes, that's about it. Register your vehicle, insure it, get a learner's permit and then a license, inspect it once a year, keep it tuned and your tires properly inflated, and keep children and intoxicated people away from the wheel. That about covers it." (see the attached link)

"No one wants to take your cars away from you America, they just want you to drive them safely, operate them legally, have them registered, don't text and drive, don't speed, and otherwise obey the law."

That's it.

There are very few who are really anti-car. Oh, maybe a few Eco-extremists, Radical Urban Walkers and Earth First types, but they're maybe 1% of the population, if that. Otherwise, your cars, trucks, vans, SUVs, and even screaming fast motorcycles will safely remain in your possession.

Training, safety courses, registration, licensing, insurance and obeying state laws, that's it. Otherwise, keep your classic T-Birds, dirt bikes, supersize Hummers, 4x4 trucks, 12 cyclinder luxury sports cars, 190 mph Lamborghinis, suped up jalopies, 1600cc Harleys, midget Smart cars, Formula 1 race cars, Caddies and Chevies, Hondas and Hyundais, family vans and Ferraris, rusty commuter cars and sleek BMWs...

They're all yours. Today, tomorrow, next year, and for the rest of life, so long as you have a license.

Now you get it, don't you? I don't really have to ask you to substitute "guns" for "cars," do I? Didn't think so.

Happy motoring. And happy hunting, target practicing, skeet shooting, home protection, antique gun collecting, handgun selecting, and shotgun toting on your farm, ranch, 2 acre suburban home, backyard swamp, or the lower 40.

(c) 2013 Ken Taub



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    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      But of course, Walt.

      If I wasn't straight, married, and co-owner of a yoga studio filled with supple female persons galore, I'd ask you out for coffee. I'd toast you with mocha java.

      But you'd have to live closer.

    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Thanks Roger. Yes, we should fine the Hummer people for being piggish.

    • profile image

      Roger Delaware 4 years ago from Delaware

      Fantastic read! I think we can do without the "super-sized Hummers" as well, but I suppose getting the tanks off the street should be the first step. :)

    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      If you're sane & sensible, it's funny. If you're fearful & fanatical, then Obama is a Kenyan Socialist, and the government is going to take everyone's guns away next week. Cheers RJ & RE.

    • rebekahELLE profile image

      rebekahELLE 4 years ago from Tampa Bay

      I read this one before Part 1 and Part 2. I wasn't sure about the tongue in cheek when I first began reading. Love the comparison. It does become silly, doesn't it?

    • Reynold Jay profile image

      Reynold Jay 4 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

      Well done and it became humorous for me while reading it.

    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Thanks Amber!

    • profile image

      ambercita04 4 years ago

      I loved this article! Great analogy about gun control.