Things Forbidden For Me to Do at Any High-Class Society Ball
For those of you, along with myself, here are photos of high-class balls for us to look at
Balling for Society
- The social season, or Season, has historically referred to the annual period when it is customary for members of a social elite of society to hold debutante balls, dinner parties and large charity events. It was also the appropriate time to be resident in the city rather than in the country, in order to attend such events.
- 1870 cartoon satirizing the coming of the London season
The London social season evolved in the 17th and 18th centuries, and in its traditional form it peaked in the 19th century. In this era the British elite was dominated by landowning aristocratic and gentry families who generally regarded their country house as their main home, but spent several months of the year in the capital to socialise and to engage in politics. The most exclusive events were held at the town mansions of leading members of the aristocracy. Exclusive public venues such as Almack's played a secondary role. The Season coincided with the sitting of Parliament and began some time after Christmas and ran until midsummer, roughly late June. The social season also played a role in the political life of the country: the members of the two Houses of Parliament were almost all participants in the season. But the Season also provided an opportunity for the children of marriageable age of the nobility and gentry to be launched into society. Women were formally introduced into society by presentation to the monarch at Court.
- The traditional Season went into decline after the First World War, when many aristocratic families gave up their London mansions. From this time on an increasing number of society events took place at public venues, making it harder to maintain social exclusivity. Today there is no official organization of the Season, although most of the traditions and customs remain to this day.
FACT: "I" was not born to attend high-society balls
Balls, as high-society calls them, are not the same as hoe-downs to rural people, shin-digs, to middle-class city people or even hoot-nannies to the folk music fans. When people talk about balls, they are talking serious business
Balls are where you find the elite of society--people whose names would rock a granite wall, people with more money than Fort Knox and people with more self-importance and stuffy self-image than any monarch of England. Sorry, but that is what the research told me. And if you have a dab of common sense, you can tell by looking at photos of debutante balls, Harvest Society Balls and any ball where the rich and snobby congregate, that the uppity, stuffy, and stiff-necked surface to enjoy vintage champagne, food, waiters, and plenty of freelance photographers snapping their photo when they walk across the dance floor.
And I know that with my financial and personal station in life, you will never see or hear of me being at a society ball. Somehow I resent that. I resent more the upper-crust of years ago who made these stupid rules that separate society just because "they" said so.
But what if I were blessed with an invitation from a rich man who had enjoyed my hubs, and he asked me to atttend a high-society ball in the rich part of New York City, and I am talking tux and tails, and all of the rich trimmings, woeruldn't that be a great thing?
To me it would. But to the other rich snobs at this stuffy ball, it would be a living nightmare because I was not told what things I could and could not do at an event such as this.
I would not worry about the things I could do, just the . . .
Forbidden Things I Could Never Do at an Upper-Class Society Ball
WHISTLE AND CLAP -- after each elegant dance performed on the floor by the super-rich and arrgant.
STOMP MY FOOT -- to the beat of the 30-piece orchestra.
YELL REQUESTS -- like "Lovesick Blues (Hank Williams, Sr.) to this same orchestra.
WITH ENOUGH NERVE -- grab a pretty debutante and start doing the "Jitterbug."
START YELLING -- "Take it off," to the more-attractive girls dancing with the older men.
THROWING -- stuffed eggs (Like Catfish Hunter, Pitcher for Oakland A's, in the 80's) at guests just tor target practice.
START LISTENING -- to my portable CD player and play my favorite song, "Wild, Wild, West," by rap legend, Kool Moe Dee.
BALANCE A -- tray loaded down with finger foods and pastries on my forehead while walking around the ballroom.
DO CHEESY IMPRESSIONS -- of today's film stars-- Matt Damon; George Clooney; Brad Pitt; Al Pacino, wait a minute! I am actually doing "Oceans 12" from start to finish.
JUMP ON THE -- dance floor and start doing my "Alligator Eating My Head" Trick with a real alligator named "Herman."
START MY NEW -- crowd-pleaser, "Bobbing For Cheese," where I jump from the top of my table into a Tupperware container with chucnks of cheese and Sprite to see how many chunks of Swiss cheese I can come up with as I surface.
DO THE OLD-FASHIONED -- "Tango," with a rose in my mouth, with any wealthy woman dressed in a white gown who is at the ball with her sleepy husband.
DARE THE MEN -- to join me in a dance from the Amazon to rid the room of evil spirits.
FIRE-UP MY -- "Watermelon Seed-Spitting Game" and the title explains the rest.
DO A NO-RULE -- zesty "Table-Jumping Game," and see how many tables each person can jump to without falling.
START A -- "Free-for-All" with two people near where I am standing and watch it spread like wildfire.
And a half-way through these "events," I may be introduced face-to-cement with the sidewalk outside the elegant ballroom where I tried to not cause any trouble.