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Things Not to Say When The Police Arrest You

Updated on May 5, 2014

Police are always on the job

"Don't make a move."
"Don't make a move." | Source
Putting on the "Silver Bracelets"
Putting on the "Silver Bracelets" | Source
"Get those hands behind yiour back, mister"
"Get those hands behind yiour back, mister" | Source
Policewomen are tough, let nobody kid you
Policewomen are tough, let nobody kid you | Source
Sometimes S.W.A.T. is called in to help arrest dangerous criminals
Sometimes S.W.A.T. is called in to help arrest dangerous criminals | Source

Here's to the police

The police are not bad people. They are trained to react under difficult situations and some situations are life-threatening.

I have a ton of respect for the police who work any beat in any town on any shift. In fact, “I thank all of you, “men and women in blue,” for the sacrifice, dedication, and care that you have for the citizens on your watch.”

Now let’s talk about a common occurrence that can quickly turn nasty: You being pulled-over by the police and after they check your driver’s license, insurance and car registration, you are arrested. You, an upstanding citizen. Arrested. Handcuffed and placed in the back seat of a police cruiser. What nerve policemen have. You are so important they need to be giving you a police escort through the rush-hour traffic on your way home.

You are shocked, stunned, and scared. This has to be a mistake, you think. What if you are sentenced to a lengthy-prison sentence? You will not survive prison for you are one great-looking guy, easy prey for some sadistic homosexual gang of prisoners. You start to cry.

Suddenly, something comes over you like a witch’s spell. You feel invigorated, strong, confident. You have to say something or else you are headed for jail and a criminal record.

You will lose and lose big. No more cushy office job, pretty wife, BMW, membership at the most-exclusive country club in town. Say farewell to it all. You are watching your entire good life melt in front of your eyes. From now on you will be referred to as a number, not a name.

Then you screw-up big time. You make the huge mistake of opening your mouth. And the things that you say to the policeman are not the things wise people say when they are arrested.

Welcome to,


Not to

Say to The Police

When You

Are Arrested,”

If you are ever arrested, how will you react?

See results

"Your crime spree is over, sister!"

Cops nab a shifty car thief
Cops nab a shifty car thief | Source

The police keep the streets clean and safe of criminals

Teamwork pays off in arresting a feisty thug
Teamwork pays off in arresting a feisty thug | Source
Hey, even women can commit crimes
Hey, even women can commit crimes | Source
"Hold it right there, buddy."
"Hold it right there, buddy." | Source
"Open up! This is the police. We have a warranty for your arrest."
"Open up! This is the police. We have a warranty for your arrest." | Source

Copy or print these out for future use

  1. Officer, can you squeal like a pig?

  2. Hey, gum-shoe. You have doughnut glaze on your chin.

  3. Something crawled in the back of this car and died. No, it’s you.

  4. Who do you think you are messing with? I belong to a deadly gang!

  5. I’ll see that you are fired. I’m buddies with the biggest drug dealers in town.

  6. You picked the wrong day to mess with “Gator Boy,” that’s my gang name.

  7. Work-out much? (referring to the officer’s big stomach).

  8. No breath test for me. I only smoke “weed.”

  9. Turn me loose or my gang buddies will whip your butt.

  10. Those aren’t drugs inside my jeans pocket.

  11. What are you waiting on? I’m not afraid of jail.

  12. How did you get to be a cop, did they stop screening for fools?

  13. Hold still while I launch a loogie onto your shirt.

  14. You favor my pet chimp.

  15. Is eating all that you do? Look at these empty fried chicken boxes in the floor board.

  16. Are those your real cheeks, or have you used botox?

  17. Better get that call, it might be your boyfriend.

    “Officer, hey! Get off that radio!” you say in anger.

    And just like that, the officer complies with your wish.

    “What do you mean, you arrested the wrong guy?” you ask surprised.

    “Uhh, all that stuff I said awhile ago . . .”

    “Uh, oh!”

In most instances, the police will be watching for:

  • Drinking while driving
  • Texting while behind the wheel
  • Reckless driving
  • Going erratically from lane to the other
  • Holding your head out the window and yelling profanities at other drivers
  • Playing loud music that can distract others
  • Turning your headlights on and off for fun
  • Squealing your tires when the light turns green
  • Tailgating
  • Driving too slow in an express lane
  • Going over the center line
  • Honking the horn at slow drivers
  • Having an open container of liquor in the car
  • Having a firearm in open view
  • Having too many animals in the car
  • Using hydraulics at the red light to make your car rise, fall, and turn on one wheel
  • Letting passengers hang out of your car and yell vulgar things at innocent citizens
  • Expired tags
  • Stolen cars

Be a responsible citizen, and the police will be your friend.

"Remember, be safe. And stay safe, citizens. And the police will not bother you."

A friendly reminder from me, your friend, Kenneth Avery


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, belleart,

      I ask your forgiveness. I think I have been calling you "bellheart." I just took a closer look at your sweet name. I am truly sorry.

      Thank you for visiting and commenting. I appreciate you doing this. Fact is, you made my afternoon--@ 3:51 p.m., cdst, May 13.

      Visit with me again.

    • belleart profile image


      4 years ago from Ireland

      love the list, very humorous! I have yet to have a run in with police, but when I do, Il be sure to keep this in mind :)

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      grand old lady (you are not old)

      Thanks for the sweet and comical remarks. No, I have not ever been a cop, but I know some well. And none of them would appreciate a thug like this one in the story.

      Visit with me soon.

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 

      4 years ago from Philippines

      This makes me wonder if you were ever a cop or if you learned all this stuff from experience. Lol. Great hub.

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago

      Dearest Catgypy . . .thank you so much, my dearest friend for this comment. It cheered me up. I am really sorry for this guy who was freed, but then realized how much he insulted the officer.

      Stay in touch with me.

      Love, Kenneth and Festus

    • catgypsy profile image


      4 years ago from the South

      Hahaha...definitely things not to say! I have a friend who was driving late at night (after a good bit of drinking) the wrong way down a one way street. When the police pulled him over and told him he was driving the wrong way , he turned around and looked at their car and said, "Well, I guess that makes two of us!" People swear this is a true story and knowing him, I believe it!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Shelia,

      Me also. I only go out to church or take my wife to eat and other than that, I am a hermit. A hermit who has fibromyalgia, neurothopy and thrombosclorosis . . .all incurable, but there are peole, little children, who are dying of cancer at St. Jude's Children's Hospital in Memphis and they do not complain, so why should I?

      Thank you for visiting me.


    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Thanks once again for the good laugh. I know if I ever got arrested it would have to be mistaken identity or something so I'd be the most co-operative person they ever arrested.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, sweet friend, Bishop55,

      Thanks for laughing. I am better now that you laughed. Let's face it. The guy who was arrested was not "the sharpest tool in the shed."

      Come back anytime and talk to me.


    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, Hackslap,

      You are right. Best to not speak and maybe have a lawyer on retainer if you are wealthy enough.

      Thanks for your comment. Stop by and visit anytime.


    • Bishop55 profile image


      4 years ago from USA

      LOL No breath test for me. I only smoke “weed.”

    • Hackslap profile image


      4 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thanks for this hub mate! .. Although Australian coppers have different attitudes in general as compared to the ones in America. .the general underlying tones are still the same ...if you're caught even when to shut up and co operate ..

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago

      Dear Bobbi, my good friend,

      I believe you. And I am humbled by your kind words. I just thought that HubPages might need a laugh or two.

      You, my good friend, have a great week and keep in touch with me.

      Kenneth, your friend for life.

    • PurvisBobbi44 profile image


      4 years ago from Florida

      Hi Kenneth,

      Great hub with the right information for us all. I would be afraid I can tell you that much---but I have never done anything to be arrested---unless they can read my thoughts.

      Have a great week.

      Bobbi Purvis


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