ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Things Not to Yell in a Night Club

Updated on April 26, 2014

Nightclubs: The "in" place to be


Take a good long look

This, my wide-eyed friend, is a nightclub. No, not like those you watch on Turner Classic Movies, Count Basie's band playing, men and women in tuxedos and evening gowns, but today's nightclub with the "party crowd" dancing, making-out, loud music everywhere and suffocating crowds,Night clubs are open late and closing at dawn. This is "the" place to be. The "party scene," if you are longing to be a "somebody," and not just another faceless body barely-seen in the crowd.

"Another date with 'Tom,' the investment broker. I'm stoked"."


Men, read this

Why have girls suddenly been treating you like a disease? Follow me here. Maybe it is what you have been doing inside your favorite nightclub that's hindering you from being popular with the hot, sexy girls who visit the night clubs. (see photo in the center of this hub)kk.

"But, Kenny, all I do is dance with girls," you argue. 'And I am really cool.": You are not "just" dancing with pretty girls. You are yelling foolish things that are considered fatal to your social life. And by the way, you dance like a crazed gorilla on LSD. Plus you are not cool.

These are just a few of the dangerous things you are doing in the nightclub that sabotage your social life:

  • You get drunk on whiskey or whatever you can afford. So drunk in fact, that people laugh at you to your face and you think you are saying funny things.
  • Making improper-advances at girls you do not know. And take several slaps to the face.
  • Pushing the nightclub DJ off his stand and take over the music--but do not know what you are doing. Today's party-crowds do not like "Afternoon Delight," and "Please Come to Boston." Then, as if you haven't done enough embarrassing things, you pass out and fall to the floor and people just dance over you.
  • Pulling your shirt and shoes off and daring girls to take articles of clothing off and then you get tossed-out on the cold sidewalk. You play the drunken idiot once again.

Sorry to hurt your feelings, but someone had to shock you back to reality.

Girls who visit your favorite nightclub--who you will not date


The gorgeous girls in the above are saying

"Ewwww, here comes the gorilla on acid. Let's all act like we are waving at some guys way across the club." "Uhhh, sweetie. We ARE waving at guys way across the club--not this doofus who dresses like Dr. Seuss and has been yelling stupid things just as the music stops."

And each time you visit this night club, at the wrong time you yell out things on the list below

  1. Yes, smear molasses all over me. I love it.
  2. Can I bark like a dog? Sure!
  3. You want to see me run around the dance floor in my underwear?
  4. Cops? They aren't that tough.
  5. No, I just look gay.
  6. Sure I have an arrest record!
  7. My name? "Jim," errr, I mean, "Tim."
  8. Honey, you look so manly!
  9. Yes, you can hit me in the privates with your fist.
  10. Is that a photo of your dog or your mom?
  11. Haaa, haa, that bulge in my pants? No, it's a boil.
  12. Do I care to go home alone?
  13. What? You want me to let you and your best friend ride me like a pony? On all-fours?
  14. Sure, I can drink a fifth of whiskey in fifteen minutes.
  15. Are you a lesbian?
  16. Those horrible spots on my feet? Those are my new shoes!
  17. I got some Skittles in my coat pocket you can snack on.
  18. Get lost? Hey, buddy, I am . . ."S-M-A-C-K" (fist to his head).
  19. I am a former Navy Seal. Oh, you are a former Navy Seal? You look so girly.
  20. "S-M-A-C-K!: (gets hit with the girl Seal's fist in the eye.).
  21. This is a new dance I designed! Stop laughing!
  22. What? Call myself a cab? Oh, you want to stay?
  23. Come back! All I said was hello.
  24. Security? I didn't call security. Oh you called these "S-M-A-C-K" (security guards let him have it in the other eye with fists).
  25. Help! I cannot walk! Hey, stop that laughing!

Note: if you have yelled one or all of the above and just as you bellow these stupid tings, the nightclub DJ stops the music and everyone hears you, well, you should find yourself a new "night spot" and for Pete's sake . . .

Please change your name from 'Earl,' to 'Larry,' or anything but 'Earl.'

Life inside a nightclub


Be honest. If you could afford it, would you go clubbing every night?

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)