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Things Not to Yell in a Night Club

Updated on April 26, 2014

Nightclubs: The "in" place to be

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Take a good long look

This, my wide-eyed friend, is a nightclub. No, not like those you watch on Turner Classic Movies, Count Basie's band playing, men and women in tuxedos and evening gowns, but today's nightclub with the "party crowd" dancing, making-out, loud music everywhere and suffocating crowds,Night clubs are open late and closing at dawn. This is "the" place to be. The "party scene," if you are longing to be a "somebody," and not just another faceless body barely-seen in the crowd.

"Another date with 'Tom,' the investment broker. I'm stoked"."

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Men, read this

Why have girls suddenly been treating you like a disease? Follow me here. Maybe it is what you have been doing inside your favorite nightclub that's hindering you from being popular with the hot, sexy girls who visit the night clubs. (see photo in the center of this hub)kk.

"But, Kenny, all I do is dance with girls," you argue. 'And I am really cool.": You are not "just" dancing with pretty girls. You are yelling foolish things that are considered fatal to your social life. And by the way, you dance like a crazed gorilla on LSD. Plus you are not cool.

These are just a few of the dangerous things you are doing in the nightclub that sabotage your social life:

  • You get drunk on whiskey or whatever you can afford. So drunk in fact, that people laugh at you to your face and you think you are saying funny things.
  • Making improper-advances at girls you do not know. And take several slaps to the face.
  • Pushing the nightclub DJ off his stand and take over the music--but do not know what you are doing. Today's party-crowds do not like "Afternoon Delight," and "Please Come to Boston." Then, as if you haven't done enough embarrassing things, you pass out and fall to the floor and people just dance over you.
  • Pulling your shirt and shoes off and daring girls to take articles of clothing off and then you get tossed-out on the cold sidewalk. You play the drunken idiot once again.

Sorry to hurt your feelings, but someone had to shock you back to reality.

Girls who visit your favorite nightclub--who you will not date

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The gorgeous girls in the above are saying

"Ewwww, here comes the gorilla on acid. Let's all act like we are waving at some guys way across the club." "Uhhh, sweetie. We ARE waving at guys way across the club--not this doofus who dresses like Dr. Seuss and has been yelling stupid things just as the music stops."

And each time you visit this night club, at the wrong time you yell out things on the list below

  1. Yes, smear molasses all over me. I love it.
  2. Can I bark like a dog? Sure!
  3. You want to see me run around the dance floor in my underwear?
  4. Cops? They aren't that tough.
  5. No, I just look gay.
  6. Sure I have an arrest record!
  7. My name? "Jim," errr, I mean, "Tim."
  8. Honey, you look so manly!
  9. Yes, you can hit me in the privates with your fist.
  10. Is that a photo of your dog or your mom?
  11. Haaa, haa, that bulge in my pants? No, it's a boil.
  12. Do I care to go home alone?
  13. What? You want me to let you and your best friend ride me like a pony? On all-fours?
  14. Sure, I can drink a fifth of whiskey in fifteen minutes.
  15. Are you a lesbian?
  16. Those horrible spots on my feet? Those are my new shoes!
  17. I got some Skittles in my coat pocket you can snack on.
  18. Get lost? Hey, buddy, I am . . ."S-M-A-C-K" (fist to his head).
  19. I am a former Navy Seal. Oh, you are a former Navy Seal? You look so girly.
  20. "S-M-A-C-K!: (gets hit with the girl Seal's fist in the eye.).
  21. This is a new dance I designed! Stop laughing!
  22. What? Call myself a cab? Oh, you want to stay?
  23. Come back! All I said was hello.
  24. Security? I didn't call security. Oh you called these "S-M-A-C-K" (security guards let him have it in the other eye with fists).
  25. Help! I cannot walk! Hey, stop that laughing!

Note: if you have yelled one or all of the above and just as you bellow these stupid tings, the nightclub DJ stops the music and everyone hears you, well, you should find yourself a new "night spot" and for Pete's sake . . .

Please change your name from 'Earl,' to 'Larry,' or anything but 'Earl.'

Life inside a nightclub

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Be honest. If you could afford it, would you go clubbing every night?

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