Things That Will Instantly Get You Kicked-Out of Big Department Stores

Shopping can be fun. You get to save money, meet friends, and come home with great bargains. But you cannot do these things when you have been forcibly-removed, verbally thrown-out or the police called to take you to jail for not knowing . . .

The Things That Can Get You Kicked-Out Instantly From Big Department Stores

1. Acting like an idiot with no self-control and when your are by yourself.
2. Throwing things from the shelves at your idiot friends who are in the next aisle.
3. Whistling at all the female shoppers ages ranging from eighteen to sixty.
4. Walking up to shoppers and begging for money.
5. Asking the manager if they will hire you to test the dough-nuts.

1. Yelling "racist store!" over and over up one aisle and down the other.
2. Riding a donkey through the "Entrance" to the big department store.
3. Jumping over displays of items in the front of the store
4. Starting fist-fights with strangers.
5. Daring the manager to see if he can catch you--then run away.
6. Do ugly impressions of old people in front of old people.
7. Force an idiot friend to push you, a grown man, down the aisles in a shopping cart.
8. Drinking beer that you nab from the store coolers.

with even more things that will get you booted from any store, big or little.

1. Acting like a private eye and asking shoppers very personal questions.
2. Threatening to ask your wife out on a date if you, the husband, do not give you shopping cash to buy a case of cold beer.
3. Ask the service desk employees if you can have a free hoagie sandwich.
4. Lie to the store clerks and say you are a war veteran and should be given a huge discount for serving your country.
5. Bringing your pet snake into the big department store.
6. Making-out with your idiot girlfriend.
7. Making-out with a married woman shopper while her husband fumes with anger.
8. Run around the store yelling like an Indian from the Amazon.
9. You and your two idiot-friends start playing a game of tackle football in the produce department.
10. When the store manager says, "stop this foolishness or be thrown out!" You laugh and reply, "I dare you to try that and my buddies, the gang members in the parking lot will take care of you."
11. Lay down in the sporting goods aisle and doze-off to sleep.
12. Open a can of Spaghett-I-O's and eat them like a person with no manners.
13. Eat a pack of lunch meat while other shoppers gasp with disbelief.
14. Rub butter or mayonnaise all over yourself and laugh as loudly as you can.
15. Act like a statue and when a shopper stops to see what you are, jump at them and growl.

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ACTING DECENT and RIGHT

when you shop at a big department store or a smaller "Mom and Pop Store," is just the right thing to do.

WHY DO I SAY THIS:

• No one likes a trouble-maker and you can become a trouble-maker by doing one or all of the things mentioned on this piece.
• Do you really want to go to court and be found guilty?
• Do you really need a criminal record?
• Acting a fool inside any store is really a fool thing to do.
• It is NOT cool to be a fool.

SO ENJOY YOUR SHOPPING EXPERIENCE

when you do the right thing.

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