25 Things You Should Never Say During a Police Interrogation

ATTENTION PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN INTERROGATED

As a gesture of sincere respect for you, my followers, I am not going to lead you through a long, drawn-out introduction to this piece. You are all intelligent people. You all know what the terms “police,” and “interrogation” mean, so that takes care of that.

I will say that from all I have watched on various documentaries and articles printed in reputable publications, a “police interrogation,” can be scary, fearful, and cause the interrogate to sweat like it’s mid-July, but it is early January and a “police interrogation,” can drain the interrogate’s confidence to where they shake in their chair—being verbally-hammered by one or more police officers.

So when I wrote this piece, I put myself in the place of the person being interrogated and that put it all into a clear perspective for me. A person who is being interrogated is in an uneasy position and anything that rolls out of their mouth can be potentially-dangerous for them if they are arrested and put on trial, so it pays to be wise and very careful when one is being interrogated.

To help those in my readership who, God forbid, might be interrogated in the near future, here are

25 Things You Never Say During a Police Interrogation

1. (Woman being interrogated says to police officer): "Were you in a Charmin television commercial? You look like that brown stuff that was just floating around in the commode."
2. "Why did those hippies call you guys pigs?"
3. "Can I bother you for a drink of soda . . .and yeah, a cheeseburger and an order of fries?"
4. "Can you talk a bit quiter? I need my evening nap?"
5. "I will wager you, One-Hundred-Thousand Dollars, which just happens to be the exact amount of dough taken from Liberty National Bank three hours ago, that I can do your job as good or maybe better than you."
6. "Has people over time nick-named you "Porky?"
7. "I bet if you had a dozen doughnuts you would be in a better mood."
8. "Yes, I have an older sister. She pole dances for a living and you cannot go out with her!"r
9. "Have you ever taken a bribe, say like taking your drunk friend home instead of jail for a few bucks?"
10. "Why can't I put my feet on the table?"
11. "If you want me to talk, you better be getting me an apple pie, a bowl of chili, a razor and some shave cream. I am tired, hungry and feel so filthy."
12. "Are you and the mayor's wife good friends? I see you at her house all of the time--especially when her husband, the mayor is out of town."
13. "Ever heard of Weight-Watchers? Your pants are getting a bit snug in the rump area."
14. "Have you ever been 'on the take'?"
15. "Can you do an impression of Mr. Ed for me?"
16. "Your not that ambitious are you? I hear that you are still a sargent after fifteen years."
17. "The guys out there in the squad room tell me that you can look just like Jack Webb--and talk like him too."
18. "I'll give you three guesses as to what my REAL name is."
19. "Let's play Gunsmoke. You be Matt Dillion and I will be his sidekick, Festus Hagan and we can flush-out the bad guys."
20. "You best be taking me to the restroom for my bowels haven't moved for two whole days."
21. "What do you mean you wish it wasn't illegal to punch me in the face?"
22. "I want to talk to a female police officer."
23. "I dare you to take a swing at me!"
24. "Can we hurry this along? I have a heavy date with my female parole officer."
25. "Heyyyy, I know what's going on! This is going to be on COPS, right?"