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Two Things Gays Can’t Avoid – Inequality And Taxes

Updated on January 19, 2010


I know that the original phrase is something about not being able to avoid or the two absolutes in life are “death and taxes” but as we all know, gays are vampires, thus immortal so as it comes to tax time again, I find myself getting the very life’s blood sucked out of me once more as I go to check the box “single” yet again. Two things gays can’t avoid – inequality and taxes – Don’t Get Me Started!

This past year my state finally “allowed” my partner and I (of over 21 years) to enter into a contract of Domestic Partnership which is registered with the state (but good nowhere but in this state) and basically allows us a lawful way to enter a hospital room should one of us be really ill, make some decisions, and be responsible for any debts we incur as a couple. What it doesn’t give us is a host of other things, not the least of which is medical coverage guaranteed and a cut in taxes like other domestically partnered people who get to use the high falootin’ “M” word instead of domestic partnership for their relationship. As I’ve written many times before, I could give a crap about the shoes and rice, I want the tax break!

And so as I began to fill out a new W2 for my employer and then began to look at my taxes, I began to wonder if us gays who have been partnered for a thousand years like me shouldn’t just check the “married” box instead of the “single” one and let them come after us? On the whole I am such a rule follower that it makes most people bored with me. My father used to say that you should never use the garbage disposal because it might break it and to this day it is with great trepidation and a feeling akin to breaking some major law that I flick the switch and hear the disposal at work. I always think to myself, “This is the time it’s going to break it and then I’m going to have to explain (even though I no longer live with my parents) that my father was right and that the disposal is now broken.” So far I’ve been pretty lucky.

So if you can push a rule follower like me to the edge, you know the inequality must be pretty profound. Here I am with my “Domestic Partnership” paper and I want to take it out for a test drive but unfortunately the only way to do that is to run my partner over with the car and then go to the hospital with the paper and say, “You have to let me in, the state of Nevada says so…so there.” Of course running someone over is breaking the law and that would kill me as well as being potentially arrested for the first time in my life (I’m pretty good at talking my way out of most things) so it hardly seems the thing to do.

All of you officially “married” people out there get a lot of things that we Domestic Partners, Civil Unioned, etc. gays just simply don’t get and I don’t think you realize it. I love that Britney Spears can be married in Vegas for ten minutes and get a tax break when I can’t because of my so-called “deviant” behavior. And by the way, with her money she can afford to pay more in taxes.

People love to say that we gays have “disposable incomes” because we don’t have the bonds of marriage from some antiquated vision of marriage when women didn’t work so the man took care of the woman and 2.5 children thus not having “disposable income.” Well the times they have a-changed so should we still have to pay the price for something that doesn’t even exist anymore is my question? Look around and you’ll see that no one has disposable income anymore, gay or straight. And just because we’re single in the eyes of the Federal laws doesn’t mean that we should have to pay more in taxes when we’re not living the single life. I’m fine with sluts having to pay the additional taxes, in the long run they lean on the government (and free health clinics) a lot so I’m fine with those single people paying more in taxes but why I should have to when I’ve been in a monogamous relationship so long that I make wildlife who mate for life look like amateurs, is beyond me. I have no disposable income, I’m not single by any means and yet here I am faced with having to check the “single” box for another year so that I don’t break any laws, so that I follow the rules. And it makes me sick. Sure, at the end of the day I’ll probably check the “single” box but there’s a part of me that is dying to start a viral campaign to have all of my gay partnered pals to check “married” and wait for them to come after us. Could they arrest all of us? How fast could they do that? And wouldn’t it in the end (no pun intended) be like all the bad neighborhoods we gay couples go into and fix up, maybe we could help with prison reform from the inside out? Or maybe, it’s time for congress and this country to stop fixating on words like the “M” word and give us our fucking equal rights as a citizen of this here United States! Two things gays can’t avoid – inequality and taxes – Don’t Get Me Started!

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