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Verbal Mistakes Made by Criminals Who Are Being Arrested by The Police

Updated on August 29, 2014

Vintage police work

Vintage motorcycle cop

It's our fault

I hate the fact that we need police officers. I really do. But since we are a by-product of fallen mankind, Adam and Eve, I shouldn’t bellyache.

Police officers like firemen (and women) are severely-needed every day of the year and on all of the holidays. You know it. I know it. And to make this picture more-faded and torn on the edges, these people, the officers of the court, and firemen (and women too), are very unappreciated, under-paid, overly-abused, and really taken for granted.

Think for a moment. We see them around town in their cruisers, on horseback, and on foot, and seldom do we acknowledge their presence—except when trouble tracks us down. Then they are the most-appreciated people on two feet.

Police staving-off a violent riot

Thank you to all police officers and firefighters

I loathe myself many times for how I go about my life without taking the time to say, “thank you,” to our police officers who lay their lives on the line for us each time they don the badge and uniform. And many have already given their priceless lives for some scum who is holding an innocent child hostage and blames the world for his drug and alcohol addiction. Somehow, a police officer giving his life to save the innocent children and adults, should be noted by President Obama with an award or a special appreciation service.

These men and women in blue are well worth it. Not to mention our brave firefighters, who are always fighting fires, saving lives as if it were “just another day at the office.”

Although all of this is true, and heart-felt, I have to be true to my clownish-nature and have a little fun because even the police officers and firefighters need a laugh also.

"To protect and serve"

The following is a carefully-composed list of . . .

“Verbal Mistakes Made By Criminals Being Arrested by The Police”

"Officer, what's the password to this stolen laptop?"

"Silver bracelets"

"You're goin' downtown!"

  • “Whattaya mean ‘freeze,’ copper? It’s over a hundred in this sewer!”
  • “Mr. Policeman, that wasn’t me you seen in the furniture store last night. I was busy busting into the ice cream shop on Fifth and Vine. Uh, oh! Do I need a lawyer?”
  • “You cannot put the ‘cuffs on me for I am allergic to metal.”
  • “Sir, before you take me to jail, can you go by my mom’s house so I can kiss her goodbye?”
  • “Hey, that white powder in my shirt pocket was only laundry powder!”
  • “Sir, you said I was harassing that pretty girl, so is that illegal?”
  • “You mean I cannot place a few bets for my friends, although I am not a gambler?”
  • “If you weren’t wearing that billy-club and gun, I would be your butt!”
  • “Officer, no need to get upset. I just squealed like a pig when you said I was under arrest.”
  • “I want to see you prove in a court of law that I was the one who fired “this” gun.”
  • “What are these expensive watches doing in my coat pocket? I was going to give them as gifts to my family for Christmas gifts.”
  • “I only ran from you, officer, for I have a phobia about the color blue.”
  • “Uhhh, where are my pants and underwear? Uhh, you see, officer, I got this severe itch while I was doing some missionary work in the Amazon jungle.”
  • “You can’t arrest me, sir. I only helped my brother, Ray, rob that bank five years ago.”
  • “That eye-witness was telling a lie. I grew this full-beard this morning.”

And now you have the right to laugh and roll around in the floor for this piece being so funny. Nothing you say in a complimentary form will be held against you.

Everyone of my Cherished-Followers, and Non-Followers have a Safe and Happy Labor Day."

"No-budy knows thu' trouble I've seen . . ."


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Snakesmum,

      You are right on both counts.

      And policemen, firemen and paramedics as well as doctors and teachers are treated in the same manner as in your country.

      Hey, if you are not following me, I still Invite You to be a follower today.

      I would appreciate that.

      Peace to you and yours.


    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Some of the criminals aren't exactly the brightest stars in the sky, are they?

      :-) Police, Firefighters, and Paramedics are very under appreciated here in Australia also, not to mention underpaid.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Kate,

      And thank you sincerely for the comment. And you are very welcome for the hub. I am just glad that you got a laugh from it.

      That makes me happy.

      God bless you for reading and commenting. You are welcome to stop by anytime.

    • Kate Mc Bride profile image

      Kate McBride 

      4 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      Thank you for sharing this humorous hub. It gives a good idea of what the cops are up against and it is good to get a laugh. Cheers!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, KathyMcGraw2,

      Aww, how sweet, Kathy. You are certainly a special lady for doing that type of work. Thank you kindly from the heart, for stopping by to cheer me up.

      God bless you.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Sparrowlet (Love that name),

      You are as welcome as can be for me telling the truth in this hub. What I enjoy is YOUR comments. And I would not want a cop's job either. I am not a brave man.

      Come back and visit again. I love it.

    • KathyMcGraw2 profile image

      Kathy McGraw 

      4 years ago from California

      As one who used to work with people that committed crimes, I am always amazed at their stories :) You had some good ones here, funny for sure, but mostly the we should say thank you is the message I liked the best.

    • Sparrowlet profile image

      Katharine L Sparrow 

      4 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Perfect hub to give me a laugh early on a Friday morning! What you've said about the value of our police officers is true... it's not a job I'd want, but they deserve a lot of credit! Thanks for the grins! Voting up and funny!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      You are very welcome. I am glad that I gave you this laugh. Now my work seems worthwhile.

      Happy Labor Day.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, sheilamyers,

      Thank you so very much for your sweet comment. I DO respect the police officers, men and women both, for working to do right by all they meet. They have such a responsibility that I would hate to try and be them for just one day.

      I agree with you. They do deserve our respect and admiration.

      Sheila, please come back again and have a Safe Labor Day.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 

      4 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks for the laugh, Kenneth!

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Okay, I'm finished rolling around on the floor. Since most criminals try to make up excuses for what they've done, I wouldn't be surprised that some police officers have heard something similar to what you've wrote.

      Most of all, I want to thank you for the kind things you've said about police officers. Lately it seems everyone is bashing the cops because of the few rotten apples in the bunch. I'm happy to see there are still some of us who know the majority of them are good guys and girls and deserve our respect and admiration.


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