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Victim of a Senseless Crime: Part 1

Updated on February 22, 2012

© by Jennifer McLeod writing as jenjen0703, all rights reserved.


My Life as a Child

My life as a child was severely limited and misunderstood. I felt hated growing up, hated by my mother, hated by my father, and hated by my younger brother. I vaguely remember my older brother (we had the same father, but different mothers) living with us for awhile, but he did not stay long. To this day, I do not know why he wants nothing to do with any of us. I felt like I did not fit in with the other children at school. I grew up feeling like an outcast.

I remember my mother was more interested in me when I displayed signs of wanting to learn things she could teach me, such as how to play piano, crocheting, counted cross-stitch, and making homemade Christmas ornaments. Aside from these activities, I remember spending little time with my mother. I do not remember her hugging me much or telling me she was proud of me very often. I remember daily spankings, and I do not mean a couple swats on the rear-end by a hand. I mean, wooden spoons, paint stirrers, spatulas, fly swatters, anything that my mom felt like grabbing. She did not just spank us, she required us to drop our pants, and she spanked us repeatedly, 8 or 9 times, until we could not sit down for a few hours.

When I turned 9 or 10 years of age, she graduated me to a 1 x 4-inch board carved in the shape of a baseball bat. That was her weapon of choice until I turned 13 years of age, at what time she could not spank me anymore (a car accident rendered her unable to walk for a year, much less able to hit me). I have to give her a slight amount of credit. With this weapon, she did not require me to drop my pants and take it bare-butt, but it did not make any difference. That board hurt worse than anything else she ever used.

My father was not much better. He yelled and screamed, and nothing I did was ever good enough growing up. Even if I mowed an acre of land with a push mower, he would still find fault with my actions. My father was ex-military and so was his father. He was strict beyond belief.

I learned at a young age that my parents were only on this earth to house me, clothe me, and drag me to church three times a week so we looked like a good Christian family. I also learned at that age that everything that happened to me was my problem and not to reveal it to my family because somehow, it would turn out to be my fault, and I would be severely punished for it.


A Victim being Conditioned

Around the time I turned 9 years old, my parents started attending a new church. I thought the church was cool because they had the Awana program on Wednesday nights. If you were a child in the Awana program, you were having a ton of fun. We had contests memorizing Bible verses, did Bible drills, and ran relay races.

Shortly after we started attending functions at this church, my parents became friends with another couple who had all sons, with two still living at home. The youngest boy in that family was 16 at the time (I was 9, mind you). Every Sunday, after the morning church service, we would follow other families from church to Pizza Hut for lunch. The rest of the afternoon was spent over at this family's house, and we would hang out there until it was time to go back to church for the evening service. The 16-year old (who I will call Bob, but that is not his real name) took a liking to me and spent a great deal of "special time" with me. Whenever we went to these "friends" house, my parents told me to go play with the other kids and let the adults hang out without being disturbed. Hello? I was the ONLY girl every time.

This "special time" consisted of him touching me underneath my shirt, trying to kiss me, touching my buttocks, and trying to put his hands inside of my pants. Sometimes, he did other things, and many times I remember other boys being around, including my younger brother who witnessed a lot of what took place (an issue I still have yet to deal with). This "special time" was unbearable and lasted for three years, most Sundays between church services. Bob used a tremendous amount of coercion and humiliation to get me to do some of the things he wanted me to do. And, I was not receiving adequate love at home. This was a recipe for future disaster for a girl like me. I remember feeling dirty because I knew what he was doing to me was wrong, but I did not tell anybody. I did not know he committing sexual abuse against me. Because I did not tell anyone, I must be enjoying it, right? That was my reasoning for my silence. I did not realize at such a young age what exactly was taking place. My parents did not educate me about sexual abuse issues, so I did not know how to handle it.

So, I endured this sexual abuse at the hands of Bob until I was 12 years old (Bob was 18 then). At this time, a pretty new girl who was 14 years old and more mature than me started attending church with her family, and that was the end of Bob and his sexual abuse. He was after the new girl like she was the only girl on the planet. This new girl from church is the ONLY reason the sexual abuse stopped.


Nowhere to Turn

What happens now, to the little 12-year old girl who has been exploited, used, sexually abused, and molested for three years? How can a mother not see the warning signs? How can a mother not be suspicious? How can a mother think sending a girl that young to play alone with boys that age was acceptable? And why did my brother follow Bob around and do nothing to protect me when Bob was hurting me?

For more on this story, check out:

Victim of a Senseless Crime: Part 2

Victim of a Senseless Crime: Part 3

Victim of a Senseless Crime: Part 4

Victim of a Senseless Crime: Part 5

Victim of a Senseless Crime: Part 6

Other writings:

Sexual Abuse: Get the Facts

Get Off Me! 5 Ways to Escape an Attacker


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    • profile image

      Rixar13 6 years ago

      I too was abused and unloved but, I am a survivor... wink ;-)

    • sasanka7 profile image

      sasanka7 6 years ago from Calcutta, India

      It could not be merely a story but a fact. Hardly one could find a boy or a girl in their adolescent stages was not molested by the friends even relatives. It is the same picture all over the world unless parents are conscious about their kids and keep a vigil for the impending mess might happen specially in that stage of life(definitely there are exceptions). How could we ignore the problems of virgin mother! I think it is rude reality.

    • rochelj profile image

      rochelj 6 years ago from USA

      This is so sad. It takes such courage to get through this, and to be able to write about it and continue to function.

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 6 years ago

      It is very sad that these horrible things happen to children. Having started this series at #4, I can see that "Whatever doesn't kill you, only make you stronger" is not truthful. At least not for many years, if at all.

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 6 years ago from South Carolina

      Powerful, well written story about a very timely and difficult topic. Hopefully it will help others learn to recognized the signs of abuse and take measures to stop it.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 6 years ago

      Like cancer we need to wipe out child abuse.

      Voted up and awesome.

    • justmesuzanne profile image

      justmesuzanne 6 years ago from Texas

      Well written! Voted up and awesome! :)

    • JenJen0703 profile image

      Jennifer McLeod 6 years ago from Battle Creek, Michigan

      Not a miracle...and to this day, there is still a great deal of anger, but it fuels me to talk to children. Whenever I am hanging out with kids, especially girls, I talk to them about boys, about "no means no," what to do if you are touched inappropriately, ways to evade an attacker. Kids are not talked to enough.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 6 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      All I can say is wow! Makes my childhood seem like I was living in paradise and even then I thought I had problems. Yikes it must take a miracle to survive something like that.

    • anjperez profile image

      anjperez 6 years ago

      JenJen0703, youth is such a precious time to be violated. they should be protected. getting this out jen could help parents be aware and prevent this situation to happen to their kids. i admire your courage. looking forward to part 2.

    • profile image

      Derdriu 6 years ago

      JenJen0703: What a searingly devastating story! The second installment is awaited impatiently.

      Voted up, etc.,


    • profile image

      ThomasRydder 6 years ago the others mentioned, no matter the source, WHAT a way to bring to light a subject that has been historically hidden in shadow and shame. Rape and molestation are both hideous crimes, more for the psychological scarring than any physical damages. WELL DONE, JenJen...write on!!

    • VendettaVixen profile image

      VendettaVixen 6 years ago from Ireland

      Wow, Jen. This is absolutly heartbreaking. Whether this is something that happened to you, to a friend of yours, or you're writing this based on the accounts of strangers, it's such a touching hub.

      It must have been so difficult to write this out. Good on you for taking up the task of bringing it to our attention.

      Good luck with part II - I'll be keeping an eye out for it.

      Again, marvelous hub.

    • JenJen0703 profile image

      Jennifer McLeod 6 years ago from Battle Creek, Michigan

      Hi, diogenes, this story does not end here. There will be a part 2. Irregardless where the story came from, it is a story to help others. This is happening more than people realize and people need to be educating on how to handle it and the effects it has on others. thanks for the comment.

    • diogenes profile image

      diogenes 6 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Heck, Jen Jen, I'm hoping this is a story and not your AB. If all this really happened to you, you should get top marks for surviving. I was ignored as a kid, but rarely bullied or hit, and I grew up with emotional problems. Sounds like your family were as bad as the Borgias...Bob (Im still shocked the board!)