Ways For You to Avoid The Problems That Stem From Road Rage
Always use This Rule when driving:
Share and Share Alike for The Road Does Not Belong to Me!
This should take some of the tension out of your daily commute to work.
Road rage can attack anyone.
For a long time now, people have been watching a great number of road rage incidents on television. Just let me break-down road rage so we can all understand it.
You are a working woman. You have a great job, but with lots of pressure and responsibility. On this morning as you leave your house, your son, "Sonny," has a stomach ache and your youngest child, a pretty daughter, "Adeline," has the mumps. To make it worse, your husband, "Dan," a highly-talented doctor is on-call at a hospital over two states away. Now all you can do is believe that "Chloe," the teenage girl next door who quit school, will take care of your children until "Mike Steele," an intern at the hospital your family uses, can dispatch an ambulance to pick up "Sonny," and "Adeline," to admit them to the hospital for proper care.
Stress and road rage doesn't mix.
As you drive (mostly over the speed limit) to work, you think that "Dan," would have been a hero if he were not on-call. You start to resent him for his dedication to saving human life besides your children's lives. Then you weep out of thinking such nasty things about your devoted husband.
Honestly, your focus on driving is dim. You are hardly thinking of the road and what is around you. Then it happens in light-speed. A Toyota Corolla driven by a sexy blond who looks 19, wearing sunglasses and letting her long hair flow in the wind, without giving you a signal, comes into your lane immediately in front of you and drives on like you were not there.
You squeeze the steering wheel and grit your teeth until your jaws hurt. Then that familiar burning starts in the pit of your stomach. Yes, "that" burn you felt once when "Sasha McQueen," the "campus beauty," when you were attending Georgia Tech, snatched-away your boyfriend of three-years, "Gerry Cawthon," an humble-but-faithful boyfriend with only one weakness: Gullibility. "Sasha" convinced him that she was the heiress to the Shoney's fortune and if he left you, she could give him a life that most men can only covet from someone like her.
Have you ever been the victim of road rage?
Even our memories can affect road rage.
And "Gerry" went for it. He took her hand and never looked back.
What you do now is not understandable. Your car seems to have a mind of its own. You follow this pretty blond mile after mile. Your car clock tells you that you are a half-hour late for your big presentation at work. Do you care? No. All you want to do is catch this little slut and get even with her for entering the interstate ahead of you.
I am condensing this story now. The poor blond. She doesn't realize what lies ahead. Now you make a move like once-famous automotive dare-devil, Joey Chitwood and make your car steer her car into a cleared-area off of the interstate. You get out and go directly to her window. The blond is busy fixing her pretty hair and make-up, never acknowledging your existence.
Needless to say, the blond endures a 15-minute cursing, some dark threats, and insults that cause her to break down into tears.
You did all of that without even caring about the blonde's feelings at all. But you are not ready to settle-down and care right now as you walk back to your car. You collect yourself and head on to work with a great excuse for being an hour and a half late. Darn that road rage.
Actually this hub is not dedicated to the working woman who is now taking court-ordered anger management sessions, but to the hot blond. This piece is entitled . . .
Easy Ways For You to Avoid The Problems That Stem From Road Rage
- When the person you have accidentally given a case of road rage approaches you, quickly crawl underneath your vehicle. Odds are, the aggressor will consider this move asinine and just curse you out, threaten you and leave. Question: Had you rather be a bit dirty and not beaten up or stand your ground, getting whipped and then dirty when you hit the ground?
- You turn the tables and get into the angered person's face and "talk up a storm," but speak in Chinese. This will confuse the angry person enough to not waste their time and get back to their car.
- Ask, "Just what did I do?" to the upset man. "You cut me off back there!" he says. "Is that illegal?" You ask. And the long argument is on. Each time the angry man says something to tell you that cutting someone off is illegal, all you need to say is, "Well, sir. Can you prove it?" If he bellows yeah. You say, "Okay. I'll stand here while you go get a state trooper and we will settle this." Now most-likely, he will curse you again, and mumble something like he doesn't have time and drive off. It's nice not having to get physical with someone who WAS in the right, eh?
- Let the rage victim start talking, then you ask a series of non-relative questions like: "Do you like soccer?" This will infuriate the rage victim a bit and he will start telling you how stupid you are for changing lanes without using a turn signal, then you ask, "I do like to sit back in a good Mexican restaurant, eat some wings and watch soccer. Yes, sir." Soon this angry troublemaker will cry in frustration and leave. But be aware that he might try to slug you before he leaves.
- Let the man so angry at you his face is blood-red talk, curse, and threaten you until he gets out of breath, then ask him, "Sir, why don't we get in our cars and go back to the crime scene and you commentate how "I" supposedly changes lanes without using a turn signal. Okay. Let's go, 'Mr. Director."
- Always keep a burlap bag in the front seat with you for cases like this: If a person who claims you started road rage starts to run you down, stop and slip the burlap head-covering on and stand firm as the irate person walks up to you. He will be confused at the head-covering and demand that you take it off. You reply in a deep voice, "Sir, this hood is a part of my religion and I will not take it off in such a heathen land such as this. Now if you need satisfaction for your trouble, I suggest that you talk to me like a humble subject of God. Understand?" Now the fear you gave him will send him running to his car so he can leave. He fears more like you are hidiing somewhere just waiting to jump on him.
- Stare into the face of the person cursing and threatening you. Then scream as loud as you can so others can see what is going on. Keep screaming until the cops arrive and tell the officers (while crying) that that "mean man used vulgar words at you and said he was going to do awful things to me." The cops will take your side and arrest this mean man.
- Start tap-dancing like Gene Kelly in "Singing in The Rain."
- Do your finest Harry Morgan impression while he as "Col. Potter" on M*A*S*H.
- Start howling like a coyote and running around your car and then run around his or her car while he gets so angry he faints.
- Start singing some famous religious hymn and when he says, "Shut up," you start telling him how sacreligious he is and disrespectful he is toward the church and God Himself.
- This one always gets the angry people. Before they can speak, you say, "Do not say one word before I ask you, do you want me to call the cops? Well, do you?" When they finally get a word out of their mouth, you just say, "I will do it, buddy. The cops saw what YOU did back there. Are you willing to take a chance on having a criminal record?" The instigator of trouble will probably leave you alone.
- Tell the angry person, "I am going to report you to the police for being such a bully. I bet you were the ones who terrified those kids down the block. Yeah, you look like the type--not shaven, bad breath, the smell of liquor on your breath. Yeah, you are a bully. Just leave me alone."
And from my laptop to yours, happy motoring.
This is my idea
to deter a large amount of road rage that we hear so much about in the morning and evening news. It's a very simple idea. Place at strategic places on our nation's interstates, groups of these gorgeous women who do nothing all day long but look good and smile to all of the motorists who are passing by. My theory is: Every man will look to admire them and his area of rage will be thankfully lowered and all of the women will be looking at these girls comparing their bathing suits with theirs as well as their figures, hair and other things. Why hasn't our various highway departments ever thought of this before?