Can a Peeping Tom Really be Considered Successful?
This is a Master Peeping Tom. He scales this house like a cat
A Peeping Tom has to be sly like a fox
Are Peeping Tom's shunned?
Do you think it’s fair for success to only be given to professional athletes, doctors, lawyers, teachers, and anyone of an elevated-vocation? No. I think anyone and almost-everyone on the planet should have one good sip of success at least once in their lifetime. But I draw the line at drug pushers, gangs, thieves, rapists, wife beaters, child and animal-abusers, and child molesters.
For me to wish “these” groups success would mean I condone what they do. Okay, enough said about slime.
This isn't an apparition, but a Peeping Tom
A specialized Peeping Tom
Peeping Tom Historical Moment
Peeping Tom, British legendary character. According to popular legend, Tom was a prying tailor who was struck blind (or, in some versions, struck dead) as he watched Lady Godiva when she rode naked through the streets of Coventry, England, as a protest against the heavy taxes imposed upon the citizens of Coventry.
Peeping Tom's, stalkers: They are different
Did you notice that there was one group of people who were not mentioned in my list? I didn’t put Peeping Toms into these groups, for in my opinion, a peeping tom if caught, is only guilty of committing a Class A misdemeanor. Not hardly as dramatic as a crime committed by a meth dealer or some low-down jerk who rapes senior citizen women and then robs them, and what jury would send a sneaking Peeping Tom to the electric chair when all he did was peep at some lovely woman through the curtains of her bedroom window?
Let me try to clarify. There is a huge difference in Class A offenders (mentioned above), stalkers, and Peeping Toms. A huge difference.
A stalker can be dangerous. He or she patiently studies his or her prey’s every move, their schedule, what they eat, when they go to work, what they wear and what are their days to visit their grandmother’s. Stalkers are highly-intelligent and meticulous with their stalking of innocent women. Yes, even males can have female stalkers. But female stalkers are very rare. How do I know so much about stalkers? I have seen my share of “stalker” movies on LMN (Lifetime Movie Network), who used to use as their slogan, “Television for women.”
In simplest terms, Peeping Toms “just” watch. That’s pretty much it. According to my research sources, Peeping Toms do more as they peep, but I am not going to make AdSense and HubPages editors upset enough to pull their hair out by the roots by elaborating on their extra “activities.”
Sharp move--camping out to "peep" at women
Typical amateur Peeping Tom
Peeping Tom, an "easy" crime?
If you think being a Peeping Tom is an “easy crime,” and if arrested, you only get your wrist slapped, you best think again. For instance, in California Penal Code 647(i) is technically known as "peeking while loitering" or "unlawful peeking." Under this law, it is a crime to peek in the door or window of any inhabited structure while you are loitering on private property without lawful business with the owner or occupant. This also includes criminal trespassing, using a device such as binoculars or telescope to view person or persons in said inhabited dwelling.
So you see, Peeping Toms are “up against it,” when they set out to seek and slobber over pretty females that have become the “center of their attention.” So in all aspects and views of Federal, State, County, and Municipal Law, a Peeping Tom “is” considered a criminal. Not a very tough criminal such as a gang member or convicted murderer, but a criminal nonetheless.
I do not know what causes a person to become a Peeping Tom. Maybe it’s the thrill of enjoying a visual “treat,” such as a pretty woman stepping from her shower, and maybe the thrill, if not caught, to secretly-dwell on the fact they got away with a crime. But to the Peeping Tom, they do not think what they do is a criminal offense. To the Peeping Tom, it is just a way for them to appreciate a woman’s beauty from afar.
Ths Peeping Tom "acts" like he is a photographer to not arouse suspicion
Some celebrities are safe from Peeping Toms
I was going to surrender and say that I don’t know any titles of female Peeping Toms, but one of my sources said that a female Peeping Tom (can) be known as a Peeping Cow, a Peepette, or a Peeping Hen. How would you like to be stamped with that name and sent to prison? Most women behind bars who enjoy other women’s company might think twice about approaching a woman with a name like a Peeping Chick.
As for the male Peeping Tom, I can truthfully say that male prisoners who enjoy another man’s company will not care in the least if he is a Peeping Tom or just plain old “Tom.”
And now before going any further, I want to share a list of celebrities who have never had a Peeping Tom or Peepette to deal with:
- Ellen Deneres
- Brittany Spears – in today’s timeframe.
- Roseanne Barr
- Tom Selleck
- Barry Van Dyke
- Dick Van Dyke
- Blake Shelton
- Jay Leno
- Lady Gaga
To name just a few. That in itself should be depressing if you are a celebrity, to have no one peep you then get arrested and tell your jail-mates, “I just peeped Roseanne Barr! What a sickening sight—I might just reform.” No free publicity. Your stock doesn’t take a sudden rise. No one talks about you, even National Enquirer.
The old trusty binoculars
Peeping Tom the "Old School" way
Craig Matthew Feignin, a real Peeping Tom
Francesco Vietteta, real Peeping Tom
Luis Mijangos, real Peeping Tom
Steven Powell, real Peeping Tom
Tom Michael Claudy, real Peeping Tom
More Peeping Tom information
While I am on a “question kick,” where do Peeping Toms learn the techniques of peeping? Did you ever wonder about that? I mean, someone with peeping-skills has to “pass the peep,” along to the “young peepers,” to carry-on the tradition. You just don’t get up one morning, look in the mirror, clip the ugly nose hairs from your nostrils and exclaim, “Look out, world! Here comes another Peeping Tom!”
Do Peeping Toms have secret yearly-conventions to learn new peeping techniques from various vendors? Oh, I bet the joy-buzzers can be heard for a city block.
Remember the episode a Peeping Tom (with camera), Michael David Barrett, 48, Chicago, had with former ESPN reporter, Erin Andrews? Did you read the story about how Barrett planned his every move—even buying a motel room next to hers and at the right time, snapped photos of her nude. All of that from a keyhole. What a pro-Peeping Tom. I can assume Andrews had him arrested and made him promise to never come near her again. Whatever she did must have worked for we do not hear from her Peeping Tom, Michael David Barrett anymore. Poor Erin. She was so confused she referred to this guy as a stalker. Well, no harm came to her except some mild-embarrassment. Her life was never in danger. The poor Peeping Tom didn’t open the door that separated him and her.
So now “that” failed Peeping Tom lives in shame in some desolate town in New Mexico selling pears, grapes and ashtrays made from cacti. But he can tell his grandkids, “Once I peeped into the room of this famous girl sportscaster and had some photos of her, but the police kept them .” To which the grandkids reply, “Ohhhh, grandpa. You and your stories.”
Maybe that is what drove him to be a Peeping Tom when he was young. No one would listen or believe what he hade to say, so he just had to prove himself by doing something perverted, but a crime at the same time. He never had the cahoonas to be a cat burglar or car thief, the prison stretches were far too long. So after many drinks of Vodka in the basement, he had it. His mind was made up on becoming a Peeping Tom of legendary status. He was not about peeping through windows on “small fry,” but true, blue celebrities.
And so with the years that passed, he failed a few times, and won a few times, but when he snapped photos of the lovely Erin Andrews through a keyhole, he knew that “he had arrived.” No more being laughed at or ignored. He was a professional Peeping Tom. Call him, “PPT,” when you speak to him in his favorite bar. He’s now a man of respect and influence. It’s not every Peeping Tom who can boast of being arrested for seeing Erin Andrews in the nude. He sleeps easier now. Even with a laughable criminal record. Nothing else matters but his short, star-studded success as a Peeping Tom.
So . . .”whipper snapper,” you want to be a Peeping Tom? That’s what we hear down at “Big Dewey’s,” where we meet every afternoon at four on the dot for a few cold one’s and some lies. So what will it be? Yes or no? Okay. You want to be a Peeping Tom.
Well, young man, there are some important things you need to learn and learn quickly. Being a Peeping Tom is not a game. It’s a fine-crafted way of life that has to be lived in dark, shrouded secrecy—never to have the limelight on you at all. It’s like you are a type of Zorro except you will go to jail if the police catch you.
To start with, you need . . .
- To learn how to walk as silently as a kitten stalking, errr, I mean, “peeping,” a Jaybird for supper. Your choice of peeping must not know that you are in the area. So pull your shoes off and practice walking barefoot on these white sheets of paper that our butcher uses to wrap meat. If I hear you walking, you fail.
- To master the ability to climb on steep eaves of homes. You are to be as agile as a stray cat. Sometimes the pretty girl you are peeping will be sleeping in her room on the second story of her house, so you need to learn how to use your hands and feet as if you had claws to support yourself as you make your way to her window. Just remember, one mistake and she will call the cops and you will look mighty stupid hanging on the roof of her house. And if that happens, you are no longer my nephew.
- Speaking of supporting yourself, you need to ease-off of the Butterfinger’s, Ho-Ho’s and grape soda—just look at that butt you are hauling around. No Peeping Tom has ever had a weight problem, son. So start a drastic diet today and if your mom or dad asks why your clothes aren’t fitting, just tell them you are now eating healthy and getting more exercise.
- Can you use these? What are they? These are binoculars that I used in WWII. Only use these when you cannot reach your target for peeping. These babies will draw your objective up to you, but only use them in dire cases.
- You will need to train your stomach to not growl for being hungry. Sometimes as a Peeping Tom, you will be out for days and nights waiting in the tall grass or behind garbage cans for your subject to get home from a date or maybe a night out. But if you are a serious Peeping Tom, you must learn to survive on nothing but a little water and that’s it. Another thing you must master is your urges to urinate and deficate. If you are smack-dab in the middle of peeping through a kitchen window at this classic brunette cooking breakfast a pain hits your intestines, you cannot just sneak way to relieve yourself. No, sir. You have to have an iron bladder and lead intestines. Can you hack it, son?
- You are not allowed to run your mouth to anyone but me and other Peeping Toms because common citizens will not understand your yearnings to look at strange women taking a tub bath and snapping photos of them for your collection. Son, these common citizens are dangerous. They not only can call the cops on you, but can label you a nasty name like, “Sick Sam,” “Pervie,” or “Looney Larry,” but since your name is “Walter,” you will not have that to worry about. Well, maybe someone will call you, “Weird-o Walter,” but that’s only if you get caught.
- Disguises in your Peeping Tom career can make the difference in jail and freedom. Here, take this suitcase. It is full of beards, eyebrows, and wigs of various colors and some good theatrical make-up to disguise your Caucasian face if an area-wide man-hunt is ever called because some blond saw a Peeping Tom sneaking around her pet dog, “Barkie’s” dog house.
- And son, do not be too proud to wear animal disguises such as a grizzly bear or maybe an escaped gorilla from a traveling circus. I remember one time in my early career I was enjoying myself looking at my next door neighbor, this hot divorcee and man, she was like a Vegas showgirl. She was my favorite woman to sneak some secret looks at late at night, but I had something going for me: I had a St. Bernard disguise that fooled her into believing that my dad and mom owned a dog. That gag lasted for months.
- How well can you tell lies? Well, you best start practicing, for one day you might need to lie to save your skin. Look. If you are on ground-level looking at a nice-looking woman in her living room and a neighborhood retired man should yell at you, just stay still and “act” like you are fixing some siding or wiring. That’s why I want you to wear a toolbelt with hammer, screwdrivers and drill at all times. The elderly retired man will see this toolbelt and then apologize. The woman you are gazing at will not be the wiser.
- One last thing, son. What will you do if the lady you are watching catches you, but doesn’t call the police, but rather makes heated, romantic advances toward you? Oh, you think this scenario would be exciting? Think again. A lady who would allow a Peeping Tom to watch her night after night and know she was being watched, then “turn the tables,” on the “Tom,” as we veteran Peeping Toms call it, and want to start a romantic relationship with him, well, son, she is what we Peeping Toms of the world call “clingy,” and “desperate.” If you do not get out of there, she will be calling you every hour of every day and night—asking your whereabouts, what you are thinking and you see? There’s no place for a “clingy” woman in a Peeping Tom’s line of work. I tell you, son. It’s like handling dynamite while smoking a cigarette. Dangerous.
Okay. Ready? Now get out there and “Peep one for the old peeper!”
Coming soon . . . “How Not to Succeed at Being a Forest Ranger.”
Ladies: If you were the victim of a Peeping Tom, what would you do?
© 2014 Kenneth Avery