When Too Nice Is Not Nice

They're everywhere. Work, school, church, job, bar room's, and even in dark places where we civilized folk dare not to tread.

I don't know why these people I am going to talk about, appear in these places and mostly without being asked. They are just like that in breeding, background and lifestyle.

What makes it sad is there is no law anywhere on any books that make what these people do illegal. They are free as Jaybirds flying in a blue sky. Free to come into our lives, then leave before we have a chance to ask them "Why are you doing this for me?"

Personally, I know a few people like this who I describe as being "too nice." That's correct. "Too nice."

In life, there are degrees of "nice," just like there are degrees of "evil." There is nice, and then there is "too nice." I am not going to explain this principle about evil for I detest evil in any shape or form.

To those of you who are confused, let me explain as best I can from my limited vat of worldly-experience what being "too nice" is and that way you can join the rest of my readers in learning all about the "too nice" people who live with us in modern-day America.

THE DEFINITION OF "TOO NICE," TO ME IS . . .

Always volunteering themselves to serve you and I in secret or public and without being asked.

Always presenting that perky-perk face and beaming smile no matter what the circumstances may be.

(NOTE: I am not saying that being "too nice" is a bad thing. It's just annoying at times.)

Always talking at 90 miles per hour about "positive" things that "I" need to think about even when my family physician tells me how sick I am and talking is not a good thing for me to do.

Always running up to me in a restaurant, no matter the city or restaurant, and yelling, "hey there, Kenny. Just look at your stomach how empty it is!" I guess I can be thankful that the "too nice" person didn't remark how "big" my stomach is.

Always winking at me and my wife in such a manner that I get uncomfortable.

(NOTE: I DON'T MIND A "TOO NICE" PERSON WINKING AT MY WIFE, BUT WHEN THEY WINK AT ME WHILE PUTTING THEIR FACE CLOSE TO MINE (TALKING ABOUT MEN HERE), I GET EDGY REALLY QUICK.)

Always talking about sunshine, rainbows and Monarch butterflies and never giving me an opportunity to share my latest painful visit to my doctor.

You get my drift.

If you are still confused, here is a short list of people who are NOT thought of as "too nice."

Baby Face Nelson

John Dillinger

Simon Cowle (American Idol

The late Usama Bin ladin

Internet hackers

Two-faced girl and boyfriends

You get my drift.

People such as Roy Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Rogers, and those like them will always be thought of as being "nice," but not "too nice." They had their flaws like you and I. But "too nice" people will never let you see their character flaws or smudges.

Here is short-list of "Things 'Too Nice' People Do" that can lead to us moderate people getting angry.

Volunteering to help our wives with their coats in a public place.

Sitting with us in the same booth at the restaurant or our choice.

Playing guitar, harmonica (or accordion in photo at top), at a moment's notice and without being asked.

Dropping by every night of the week to visit us no matter if we have company or not.

Mowing our lawns early on a Saturday morning when we need our sleep.

Volunteering us to go with them to help support a charity called "Friends of The Old Cars and Trucks of America."

Slapping us on the back when we don't need it.

Coming (uninvited) to our workplace to visit us because the all-night visit with us the night before wasn't enough.

Volunteering to take our kids or grand kids to the local zoo.

Volunteering our homes (without asking) for their civic-minded group, "People For People," to meet three nights a week.

Volunteering us to feed that same group who hasn't accomplished one single thing in ten years.

You get my drift.

Now if you are going to be on guard against people who are "too nice," good luck. Like the fabled Ninja warriors of the ancient Orient, they cannot be heard, seen or spotted by what they wear or how their voices sound,.

People who are "too nice" never, and I do mean never, wear flashy clothing because they do not want any attention for themselves, just us.

A person who is "too nice" will almost whisper at times when in a crowd making it almost impossible to discern what cause they have volunteered us to work for or what relatives they are sending to our homes to stay a few days for they, the "too nice" people do not have room in their homes.

These are sure-signs that you are about to encounter a person who is "too nice."

To make things worse, when you and I have had our fill or these people and their noble acts, we try hard to tell them in a nice way to "stop," because we do not need this much attention, the people who are "too nice" will always . . .

Look dumbfounded. Then ask in a surprised-tone of voice, "you talking about me here?"

Change the subject from them, the "too nice" people, to a football game on television.

Shed fake tears to show us just how callus we can be.

Start up with a "consider others first," lecture to shame us into keeping them in our lives.

Looking disgusted and huffing as they storm away from us--hoping this ploy will force us to run after them and apologize.

You get my drift.

So what can you and I do to avoid being "saddled" with the people who are "too nice"?

Do not answer the door when they ring the doorbell.

Smile at them and keep walking if they approach you in public.

Always say, "sorry, I do not have time," and keep walking when they start talking to you about supporting their group, "People Who Love Biscuits," and other groups such as this.

(NOTE: I do love biscuits, but not enough to join a group to prove it.)

Never give a person who is "too nice" an inch, for as the old saying goes, "they will take your smile."

You get my drift.

At least I hope you do.

(NOTE: the sound you hear next is the sound of my front door shutting and my computer shutting down to avoid being spotted by the people who are "too nice."