ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Am (Sort of) Ready for a Power Failure

Updated on February 21, 2020
Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank wrote humorous bits for her college newspaper many years ago. Her funny observations have continued in print and online.

Caught in The Dark

When the power goes off suddenly, you will wish you had prepared ahead. How will you see in the dark? How will you keep warm or cook?

These are basic concerns than can be addressed with preparation, but being mentally ready for an outage is also important.

You must be able to deal with the effects of sensory deprivation caused by lack of TV, radio, and other media which normally provide continual soothing doses of commercial advertising. You must review and memorize the rules for Scrabble and Yahtsee.

You should be aware that sudden media loss can cause hallucinatory reactions, like imagining you see a busy shopping mall festively lighted for the holidays in the middle of the forest, or having the delusion of believing the Disneyland Electrical Parade is marching past your living room windows.


Finding your candle in the dark.
Finding your candle in the dark. | Source

It May Be Only a Brief Blip

Powerless intervals rarely last long. By the time you have a roaring fire in the wood stove, after you fill and light the oil lamp, and have the emergency wind-up radio fully cranked, the TV will suddenly resume it's commercial messages, the heater will kick in and the lights will blink on again, The digital clocks will blink on and on and on.

Our first real rain this season was not heavy enough to re-start the seasonal creeks. It was not substantial enough to turn the hillsides green. It was barely sufficient to rinse the car, yet it proved more than adequate to do something to the dusty insulators on power poles that causes them to short out. We were suddenly powerless.

None of the several dozen flashlights in our house, were anywhere to be found. Trying to locate a manual can opener by the faint green glow of my wristwatch dial was hopeless.

I began to regret passing up that internet ad I had seen for night vision goggles. At mere five hundred dollars, they now seemed like a bargain.

Eventually I found the emergency candle in a crock by touch, after first trying to light a jar of jam.

I was getting into survival mode by setting up kerosene lamps, and lighting the tapers that always stand like untried but ready sentinels on the dining room table.

I dragged featherbeds and comforters into the living room, near the wood stove which was loaded with wood and ready to kindle.

Survival Mode

Illuminating my way with a battery powered tap light shaped like Mr. Man-in-the-Moon, I lugged out the unused crate of survival supplies.

I ignited my denatured alcohol burner with the butane spark wand, and popped the emergency cheese fondue appetizer in the seldom used emergency cheese fondue appetizer pot.

Searching cupboards while wearing my spelunker's strap-on forehead light, I found the emergency cast iron pot needed to start a hearty emergency survival stew atop the wood stove.

With all of this accomplished and a cheery blaze dancing in the stove's firebox, the power came back on, ruining a perfectly good adventure. Darn!

Just when I was all geared up for proving I could do this without electricity, there it was zapping me back into modern times, revealing soot smudges on my arms and face, candle wax drips on the table, and disclosing the truly undistinguished appearance of the emergency stew.

Survival foods should never be fully illuminated, though the package labels do not include this warning.

They are designed to be eaten by campfire glow with the distant sounds of wolves howling in the background, while you are distracted by the challenge of balancing a paper plate on your knees. All these conditions prevent you from focusing too much on a meal which looks as if it could use some food styling .

We turned out the lights to eat.

Losing electric service before dinnertime is challenging enough, but there are worse times for having the power go out. For instance:

1. When you are completing your tax return on the computer and have not saved the final data and calculations.

2. When you are doing brain surgery.

3. When you are shearing sheep.

or 4. when you are doing brain surgery on sheep who have not completed their tax forms.

If you engage in any of these activities regularly, a backup power source is strongly recommended.

In the whole history of humankind, it is amazing to think that hundreds of millions of people have lived without the benefit of video games, bread machines, automatic pencil sharpeners, power car buffers, amplified guitars, and electric toothbrushes. People have survived for thousands of years without such power as we have... most of the time.

I am prepared to use a manual typewriter to write my articles should the need arise . . . but then how do I get them on the 'net?

(If you want to know more about being a foothill newcomer click here.)

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)