When you can't map out your future
Last year I decided I wanted to become a teacher. Until I realized I didn't love the idea of teaching and that I want a job that let's me support a family on my own terms. Without a real idea of what I wanted my future to look like, I began searching the internet for quizzes about life goals and majors. These quizzes gave me results that I was unhappy with, so I stopped going to the internet to give me answers. But I kept pondering the idea of a main life goal for months until I finally found my answer. I found that my goal in life is to build a large and supportive family. You know, that one family that spends a lot of free time together and has large family reunions and goes on vacations together? That's what I want in my life. After finding my answer, more questions began to pop up in my head. How do I build this family? What if I find the perfect wife but we can't get pregnant? What if I spend too much time working to support them and in return my kids aren't really comfortable with me?
I did what any rational millenial would do: I went to Google and typed away looking for answers to my questions. But shockingly, I didn't find any helpful answers. Don't believe me? Google "my goal in life is to have a family" and you'll find loads of results but none that truly address my conundrum. If your goal in life is to earn ten million dollars or to become a real estate mogul, you'll come across lots of advice from people in those positions. From that advice you should be able to roughly map out what moves to make in the future to get to that life goal. But for social situations such as mine, there is no set path because people are more complex and unpredictable than anything we come across in daily life. Ask any father of multiple kids how to build a family and they will reply with something along the lines of "find a good girl to marry, marry her when your career becomes stable, and then have kids." That advice isn't really helpful to an introverted guy like me who focuses on academics and video games more often than being social.
The point I'm trying to make is that you cannot map out a path when it involves people communicating and cohabitating; and that really scares me. But at the same time that fear of the unknown could (and probably will) make the success feel that much better when I look back on my life and realize that I did build a large and happy family in some shape or form.