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Why is The Girl Always Blamed for A Marriage Failure?

Updated on October 6, 2016

A Marriage Failure.

The Institution of Marriage in India

Marriages are made in heaven, we all hear so often and most of us strongly believe .While growing up we hold a notion of the dream world and fairy-tale wedded life. But after marriage, we get to know that this is the time to take responsibilities. An understanding and a sense of maturity develop in both the partners by the time. Some handle their families and differences very efficiently and lead a very happy successful married life. But it's not the reality with all the couples. Sometimes misunderstandings, orthodox traditions, and families play a major role in breaking the trust and bond between the couple. Perhaps, the problem is both sided. Blaming each other and ego clash are main culprits behind a broken bond of marriage. A marriage failure affects both. In our country, laws, and rights are in very strong favour of women but the society is not. If something goes wrong in a marriage a girl does not get a support even from her parents. She is compelled to stay and bear the relationship against her wish. Social stigma and humiliation by society constantly haunt her parents, that they have not taught good values to their daughter. At some places, Society totally boycotts the family whose daughter has left her husband or decided to part ways. They are ostracized and taunted everywhere. This is the biggest reason why parents don't support their daughters even after knowing that she is not happy.

Why is a girl only held responsible?

Why are the expectations too high from her?

Why can she not be just a normal human being who makes mistakes like others?

Do you think household chores are the responsibility of a women only?

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She comes with a responsibility to live up to everyone's expectations.

Biased Society

The answer is this is the biasedness of the society towards feminine gender. The other one is least bothered and free from all allegations . If something goes wrong in a marriage, the life is miserable for a girl at the same time her husband and his family do not get affected by all this. Moreover, they are happy with their son's decision to break the marriage as they know society would only blame the girl for not being a good wife or daughter in law. They curse her and make their son understand that he is superior. (In our society, a girl's family is always considered inferior.) They have to respect and agree to all the terms and conditions of boy's family. Hence it becomes a very biased institution. Under such heavy and orthodox rituals like dowry, which very much prevails in our educated society, an under nurtured sapling of love never becomes a tree. The bond between the couple weakens day by day until they separate or stick to stay together like strangers under a roof, due to social taboos and stigmas. Some women are independent and bold enough to choose to get divorced against society and her families will. She can't bear the burden of a dead relationship. I know two divorced women. They choose to remain single for the sake of their children. People always speak and think badly about them. They are not considered as a normal human being anymore. Society makes them realize on every step of life that they have done something wrong. They have to live with a guilt always. After all this mental trauma, she cannot even think of marrying again. On the other hand, boy doesn't have to bear such humiliations. He lives guilt free. He is still decent and acceptable member of the society same way as before. He very well knows that the society would not support his wife for breaking the marriage, her family would not allow her to fight with her husband and quit. He doesn't care about his god gifted love and marriage.

Some women are independent and bold enough to choose to get divorced against society and her family's will. They can't bear the burden of a dead relationship. I know two divorced women. They choose to remain single for the sake of their children. People always speak and think badly about them. They are not treated as a normal human being. Society makes them realize on every step of life that they have done something wrong. They have to live with a guilt always. After all this mental trauma, she cannot even think of marrying again. On the other hand, boy doesn't have to bear such humiliations. He lives guilt free. He is still decent and accepted by the society same way as before. He very well knows that our society would not support his wife for breaking the marriage, her family would not allow her to fight with her husband and come back. He doesn't care about his god gifted love and marriage.

A live example of a couple from my acquaintances, they had disagreements and constant fights. The girl chooses to come to her maternal place. She was not sure about her future with him. She was taunted and ostracized so badly by the people around that she went into depression. The boy and his family do not want her back. But because of strict laws, they came to settle down things. But the matter could not be resolved as his family never wanted that girl again. They did not give them the chance to discuss and clear misunderstandings. The boy broke the marriage and married another girl. The girl came into a severe depression state. A cheerful, beautiful and lively girl became the victim of social taboos and stigma. Her family also went through a lot of humiliation.

The Possible Solution

Marriage is a great bond of love between two persons. They both may be totally different or similar in some respect, marriage exemplifies how to love and understand the preference of each other. There are differences in all the couples, but misunderstandings, if not cleared, becomes a rift between them. Nowadays, we have marriage counselors to help and support couples to replenish their relationship. If couples do not want to stay together or choose to separate as per their will, they both should be treated equally. Our society needs to change, this is the time when a girl is most vulnerable. She needs utmost love and care. No one has the right to blame girl or her family. Her parents need to understand and respect her decision.They have to stand against all odds to support their daughter. Only this can help her to regain her confidence and she can lead a normal life. Many women today are living as a single parent and taking care of their kids very well. The scenario is changing but it's very slow. We should not be judgemental towards others life. The situation can improve if we think open-mindedly and optimistically. Social taboos are created by us, so we can only put a stop on it.

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    • Neelam Ramani profile image
      Author

      Neelam Ramani 7 months ago from Delhi, India

      @Ashish Thank you so much.

      Good to know to your views on it.

    • Ashish Dadgaa profile image

      Ashish Dadgaa 7 months ago

      @ Neelam,

      Your write up left me speechless.

      I totally agree with your view and your stand. You have beautifully portrait this issue in very minimum words.

      I must say you have hit on a bull eye.

      And your question is really powerful and an eye opener as In our country people try girls like a maid, which is totally wrong.

      Do you think household chores are the responsibility of women only?

      My Answer: No. It is a responsibility of men as well.

      When I was in London for my studies I used to all household chores and which very common there but why not in our country?

      hats off to know the lady.

      Bless you.

      Regards,

      Ashish

    • Neelam Ramani profile image
      Author

      Neelam Ramani 7 months ago from Delhi, India

      Hey Nancy,thanks for your view..I do strongly agree with you.. Our society need to change

    • profile image

      Nancy Hinchliff 7 months ago

      Speaking from the perspective of an American woman who has been married with two children, I do not believe that marriages are made in heaven; nor do I believe in fairytales. The reality is marriages require a lot of work on the part of both partners.

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