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Mothers of Large Families Are The Fiercest and Strongest Critics of Childfree Women and Women With Small Families!

Updated on November 8, 2013
gmwilliams profile image

Grace studied all aspects of the family.The large family has a vastly different culture.The large family exists in ITS OWN universe.

Why Mothers of Large Families Believe That Childfree Women and Women of Small Families are Venal and Selfish

Due to the immense advancements in contraception, women have more reproductive freedom than over. The concept of having small families and/or no children at all is coming more of an option for many women. Women who elect to be child free or have small families have more freedom to pursue careers and outside interests. Furthermore, women who have small families have more financial and emotional resources to devote to their child/children.

Sociological and psychological studies confirm that women who are either child free or have small families are the least stress free and the happiest. Of course because the former has alone time and the latter, in addition to devoting more time to her child/children also have alone time also. Women who are child free.or have small families have plenty of disposable income to live beyond mere existence level. Women who are child free or have small families often have the time and the income to indulge in various cultural and intellectual hobbies. An overwhelming majority of the women I knew who attend college and/or continuing their education either are child free and/or have small families.,

Sadly, there are critics who claim that any woman who has the audacity to be child free is hedonistic and selfish. These critics strongly assert that every woman should have children because a woman is not complete if she does not have children. Even though it is explained that women can lead fulfilling and creative lives without children, it falls on these critics' dead ears.

The strongest and worst critics of women who are child free or have small families tend to be mothers of large families. They are of the opinion that child free women are abnormal and satanic for not wanting to have children. I remember one mother of ten telling her friend that all women should have large families. She further elucidated that women who do not have a lot of children hate children and are selfish. She saw no reason why women should not have children, adding that she felt sorry for them.

Mothers of large families also have an intense animus against women who have small families. According to them, women who have small families are leading a very self-indulgent and extravagant lifestyle. Mothers of large families who are struggling and living at a mere survival level have no concept that people want to live better. Oh no, to these mothers of large families, women with small families are deemed selfish because they want to provide a good life for themselves and for their children.

It is the contention of mothers who have large families that every woman should live the same lifestyle as they do. They are the ones who proselytize other women to have children and severely criticize them if other women disagree with them. If you have seen the blogs on large families, these women are very vitriolic in their criticism of women who are either childfree or have a small family.

On one of the blogs, one mother who had a very large brood stated she did not know why any woman would elect to have a small family when there are so many "joys" in having a large family. This same woman went on a tirade, saying that women who have small families are doing their children a disservice. However, on these very same blogs, these women remarked being mentally overwhelmed with their brood. Yes, these are the exact same women who complain to anyone within ear's shot of how stressful their lives are and how difficult it is to make ends meet. Advice to these women: Think and plan before you leap. Don't do the crime if you cannot do the time. Having children is more than giving birth, you have to financially and emotionally provide for your children.

Let me not digress from this issue. It seems to me that many women who have large families have an underlying jealousy of women who are child free and/or have a small families because they have more financial and personal options in life. Women who are child free and have small families are not overwhelmed with and/or stressed out by their children as women who have large families are. Women who are child free or have small families are equal contributors to their families as they tend to have careers. Child free women and women who have small families have more time to spend with their husbands and have more time for enhance and nurture their marital relationships. Husbands of women who are child free or have small families are more on an equal paring with their wives. Furthermore, they are not as overburdened financially and psychologically than husbands of wives who have large families.

Furthermore, not every woman is maternal. There are many women who do not like children. There is nothing wrong with this. There is no law mandating that every woman should like children and be a mother. In fact, there are many mothers who are not motherhood material. Many women become mothers because they are pressured to do so by parents, relatives, religious doctrine, and friends. Furthermore, many women succumb to the dictum that they are selfish if they elect not to have children. Unfortunately, there is still an underlying mandate that woman=mother and many women become mothers much to their regret.

In conclusion, not every woman is cut out to be or wishes to be a mother even though the underlying societal message is motherhood above all. Many women elect to be child free because of the freedom to indulge their lives as they see fit. Many women believe that children would interfere with their freedom and wish to live their lives as unencumbered as possible.

Women who elect to have small families do so because of more time to devote to themselves and to their children. Women with small families have more time to devote to their careers and other outside interests without feeling that they are slighting their children. Women who are child free or have small families tend to have careers so they do not overburden their husbands and have more time to enhance their marital relationships. They are also on an equal paring with their husbands.

However, there are many critics of women who elect the child free or small family lifestyle. The strongest and worst critics of the child free and small family lifestyle tend to be mothers of large families. Mothers of large families, on average, believe that everyone should love children and have a large family. They further contend that any woman who does not wish to have large families to be abhorrent and selfish. These mothers believe that because they are struggling constantly to stay above water, they find it strange that there are women who wish to live a freer and more affluent lifestyle that being child free or having a small family provides. Many mothers of large families have a subconscious, underlying jealousy of child free women and mothers of small families because the latter have easier and less unencumbered lives than they do.

© 2011 Grace Marguerite Williams


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    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for stopping by and responding.

    • Nicole Pellegrini profile image

      Nicole Pellegrini 

      5 years ago from New Jersey, USA

      Good article and I've definitely seen this type of attitude in real life, as someone who is a non-mom. The one thing you leave out is that some women who are childfree or only have one or two children may not have made that decision "by choice" - they could be suffering from infertility (primary or secondary). And neither medical treatment nor adoption may be workable options for them. So to get called "selfish" for something that wasn't even your CHOICE in life can be especially wounding and hypercritical.

    • profile image

      Crystal Walker 

      6 years ago

      Second paragraph, last sentence:

      Meant to say "if her full-time career competes with her attention".

    • profile image

      Crystal Walker 

      6 years ago

      You make many assumptions without even antedotal evidence. There are people on both sides fighting about what a women should be and do. I agree that some moms of lots of kids are prejudiced--so are some women of differing family dynamics. As for societal forces...Since the sexual revolution it has drifted to your ideology, not that of large families. Having large families is counter cultural and not having large families is mainstream.

      Marriage and family problems exist outside of family size. These problems look different but they are there. Women with no or few children can have little time for her family if her full-time family competes for her attention.

      Some women regret having so many children and others that they didn't have more. Some wished they were more/less career or more/less family centered. Some feel their lives were as well balanced as they could have it. Ad naseum.

      Having no, few or many children contains no utopia. Every choice and set of circumstances involves pros and cons. I have no problem with others making different choices. How boring the world would be if we all had cookie cutter families and cookie cutter beliefs? Family size is simply another part of diversity and multiculturalism. In fact, there appears to be diversity, not homogeneity, within the groups of large families themselves.

      I know of a family of ten children where the parents have been to Italy in the midst of having most live at home. Many of the women I know with large families are college educated and very gracious. One woman with eight children hardly ever complains about her family situation and is one of those social butterflies. Three others I know own their own business. One has a restaurant, another a bookstore, and another sells books and such. The last includes a warehouse and employs many people. So, no, having a large family DOES NOT equate with ignorance, poverty, indoctrination and prejudice.

      Never watched the Duggars, don't keep up, so I have no idea what she says or does. I have a life that I choose not to watch much TV with and reality TV just happens to not be in my fav 3 genres. Fine if others want to watch those. I just can't comment on what I don't know about.

    • Amanda Roddy profile image

      Amanda Roddy 

      8 years ago

      While Michelle Duggar may not say a 'single nasty thing' their actions say different. Their support of candidates like Rick Santorum speak volumes about their mind set. Though the Duggars have never said what they think about childless by choice, they believe all birth control is wrong . My guess if someone told them they were childless by choice they would pray for them. It is not impossible for a person with a large family to be jealous of a smaller family. This person obviously has inhibitions. It may seem like childless by choice bitter but you would be too if you weren't considered politically correctly. And I laugh when others think childless people are jet setting to the Bahamas. There was an old Anne Landers column called "Pity the Childless Couple" about this issue. The column was meant to be humor but some did not see it that way.

      What gets me is how these parents of large families even have time to post on the internet

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      It is sad when a woman wants to believe other women are "jealous" of her.

      And speaking of women with large families, I have never heard Michelle Duggar, who has 19 kids, say a single nasty thing about women who do not want kids.

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      8 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To Xenonlit: Thank you for stopping by and for your enlightening response. God bless!

    • Xenonlit profile image


      8 years ago

      I think that too many mothers are too into their own self serving sales pitch to see anything from any perspective than their own.

      It's fine to do whatever it is that we set out in life to do. We all contribute to the world in our own ways. But I truly have to lay out the woman who aggressively or maliciously bullies and attacks other women who are not like her or who do not live they way that she does. I simply ask those women how their children turned out and tell them that I'm looking for a "B" grade.


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