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Women Shouldn't Hate On One Another

Updated on January 10, 2013
Don't hate her because she's pretty!
Don't hate her because she's pretty! | Source

There is a model I like. Her name is Doris Mayday. She’s not famous in the Cindi Crawford is model kind of way, but she is well-known and very recognizable among people who love vintage, Rock-a-Billy, pin-up girls and online clothing retailer Pin-Up Girl Clothing.

I consider myself lucky to have been Facebook friended by Doris. I don’t know Doris personally. I’ve never had coffee with or gone shopping with her, but I do know she takes a beautiful picture. I can also tell by the way she interacts with people online that she is sweet, normal and friendly.

As most people know, when you are on Facebook, it will tell which friends of yours are also logged into Facebook. On numerous occasions I saw that the lovely Ms. Mayday was on line. I never “chatted” her up, though. Assuming she was probably busy updating her page and answering fan mail and comments, and I also thought people probably bug her all the time. Most importantly, I didn’t want her to think I was some kind of whack-a-loo stalker and delete me from her friend’s list. Recently one night I was up late doing homework and she was on. I thought, “What the heck, I’m just going to say hi, and then leave her alone."

Me: I just wanted to say hello to the prettiest girl I have ever seen. I’m not a stalker or anything. I just wanted to tell you that.

Doris: Aww thanks that’s so nice to hear.

Me: I’m sure people tell you that all the time.

Doris: You would be surprised. My biggest haters are always other women.


Why do we do that?


Women are often quite cutting and cruel to one another.  A woman will make a mean or cutting remark about another woman just because she’s thinner, or younger, or taller, or has a cuter boyfriend, or more money.  What is this innocent, attractive woman called for the crime of being in the vicinity of women with low self-esteem? I’ll give you a hint. It rhymes with itch.

Seriously ladies, don’t we have a hard enough time keeping up our self-esteem as we are bombarded with messages all day long that we aren’t good enough? That we are too tall or too short, that we should be a size 0, that we must have perfect bodies and air brushed skin. Do we not worry enough about every tiny flaw we have, real or imagined? Do we really need to take each other down? Does it really make us feel better to mutter snide comments under our breath? If we are honest with ourselves, the answer is a resounding no.


Throw Away the Fashion Magazines

Most of us aren’t six –foot tall and 98 pounds. All the diets in the world and wishing aren’t going to change that. We also don’t have access to make- up artists, world-renowned hairstylists and photographers with an army of post production graphic artists to air brush our every flaw away. The first things we need to do are accept and love ourselves. Once we start feeling better about who we are we will stop focusing on who we aren’t. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing fat arms, flabby bellies, eyes that are too wide set, try to look at yourself as if you were looking at someone else. See yourself in a new light. Marvel at your high cheekbones. Take notice of smooth clear skin. Maybe you have the cutest knees, ever! Every woman has just as many things as she can be proud of as she does that make her want to cover up every inch of herself.


I FeelPretty

Make the most of what you have.

Instead of focusing on the negative draw attention to the positive. Have a teeny little waist? Tuck in your shirt. Put a belt on your dress. Lovely shoulders? Wear a halter neck dress or top. Amazing legs? Wear shorts and or an above the knee dress or skirt. Adorable earlobes? Pull your hair up and put on some chandelier earrings. Beautiful eyes? Frame them in dark mascara. Perfectly polished tootsies? Wear peep toe shoes.

The easiest and most inexpensive way to look your best is to get a healthy dose of self confidence. Look in the mirror and repeat after me, “I am an intelligent attractive woman. I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished. I have (fill in the blank here with something nice about yourself). Watch out, world, because here I come!"

And when you pass that tall leggy blonde on your way into Starbucks, compliment her. See if her surprise and smile don’t make you feel better too.


Submit a Comment

  • Tess45 profile image

    Tess45 6 years ago from South Carolina

    Would you feel the same way if some used their superior intelligence to get what they want? Or sense of humor? The point this article of is that as a gender we need to be nicer to each other and stop tearing each other down. We are bombarded by messages that tell us we aren't good enough. We don't need to add to that noise.

  • profile image

    bookwench 6 years ago

    I think there's a difference between people who are pretty, people who set out to look their best, and people who deliberately set out to use their looks as a means of getting what they want. Was just talking to a friend about looks and power - beauty and attitude can be used as a means of gaining power over others, of getting people to do what you want them to. I mentioned that people seem to regard using beauty as a means of gaining what you want with far more distaste than, say, using money or other transactional methods of getting power. This distaste seems to extend to anyone with beauty, weather they're using it to get stuff or not - we begin to regard all people who have it with suspicion.

    Example: Today I went to the bank. The woman who assisted us was much younger than I am and extremely pretty. She definitely used her looks and (very cleverly, in my opinion) played on the "girls in a guy's world" during our friendly discussion to make a play to acquire us as regular customers who would come back to her at later dates for help; there's probably a reward for having regular customers, either in the social hierarchy of the bank or in monetary terms.

    I'll probably go back to her, simply because she provided us with excellent service and I'd like to have a regular banker - it'll be nice to know someone and deal with them. But it's interesting (and useful) to be aware of what she was doing.

  • Tess45 profile image

    Tess45 6 years ago from South Carolina

    @Magicfive, you have the right to feel anyway you want, what I am saying is you don't have the right to be mean, to belittle or to call someone names.

  • MAGICFIVE profile image

    MAGICFIVE 6 years ago from New York

    We live in a socity (world)that, when it comes to women, rewards outer beauty. Those women deemed attractive by whatever society they live in, will have an easier life. Not only will they have their pick of men, they will also prob. have their pick of jobs; get better service; just bet treated better, in general. Simply because of the way their molecules go together. Don't believe me? Many (such as John Stossel and John Quihontas) have proven this fact on specials, along with many other more scientific studies. So why shouldn't us "average" women be annoyed by that? Sure we should take the high road, blah, blah, blah. But really, it's only human to feel annoyed by it!

  • Tess45 profile image

    Tess45 6 years ago from South Carolina


    Well, I don't want you to do anything you are uncomfortable with and I doubt you are the mean type. My daughter always returns a compliment with a compliment -- that works, too.

    Knitting is something I would like to do, but I don't think my carpal tunnel will enjoy it. I like that you can take knitting with you and do it in public. Not so much with sewing. I wish I could take my sewing machine places where I have to wait like the DMV or the doctors office.

  • graceomalley profile image

    graceomalley 6 years ago

    Any time you see me in Starbucks, feel free to comment :)

    I think you are very right, women need more a culture of genuine supportiveness. We all know how tough it is don't we?

    That said - I find personal compliments to strangers

    difficult (I'm an introvert) but in the past year I've taken up knitting, and I have definately find that anybody anywhere lights up if you comment on her hand knitted accessories. They are very personal really, and express not just her expertise but her taste and style.

    I guess it is all a matter of finding a way of interacting with other women that is positve and feels natural to you.

  • Tess45 profile image

    Tess45 6 years ago from South Carolina

    K Kiss you are making me blush!

  • K Kiss profile image

    K Kiss 6 years ago from Newcastle upon Tyne, UK

    Tess..honestly you have a flare for writing..I genuinely enjoyed reading this!! :D

  • DIYweddingplanner profile image

    DIYweddingplanner 6 years ago from South Carolina, USA

    I don't remember you passing me in Starbucks!! Ha! Great hub and so true! If women could spend as much time building each other up as we do tearing each other down, just think how fabulous we could be!