ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Yes, Virginia, The End Is Near

Updated on February 29, 2016
mybillypilgrim profile image

Mybillypilgrim was a chef for 15 years, has a degree in graphic arts, worked as a fishmonger, and is, in general as progressive as they get.

Alert! Alert! Alert! Rinse and Repeat.

My mother in law, who is the most harmless person on the planet, already knows that the end is near. She knows because she saw it on the TV. The Anti-Christ is here and his name rhymes with Yo Mama. The problem is, for all of us, I guess, that time is running out for our Kenyan, Muslim, Black Panther president to actually do something about it. How are we all going to die at the hands of this Mephistopheles if he doesn't hurry up and get the job done? What are we going to do with the 2,000 square foot bunker and 200,000 rounds of ammunition we have buried in our backyard?

Yes, there are only 11 months left for the Beazelbub from "Hawaii" to finally rain down his terrible wrath and destroy all of the knowing and faithful, all of the chosen and exceptional Americans. He has had seven years to lull us into complacency, and the time has come to strike. Will it be appointing one of his Satanic minions to the Supreme Court? Or maybe unleashing the indescribable horror of allowing the children of ILLEGAL ALIENS to remain among us? Perhaps it will be more subtle, a secret plot to undermine our very existence by playing golf at a private country club...


NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Oh, wait, that's Monty Python. Sorry.

Anyway, we can't disappoint all of the expectant raptured, what with Fox News and all of the Republican Presidential candidates having staked their souls on the Armageddon that has kind of, sort of, maybe if you look at it through my magic prism, befallen us. How will my saintly mother in law survive not surviving this? She already has her hat checked at the Pearly Gates. What do we do if nothing happens and then the Gargoyle Clinton gets elected? Wait for 8 more years?

You Are Here

Tomorrow Is Another Day

OK, OK, don't everybody get your crucifixes in a knot. There is evil lurking everywhere in this country, and we can ferret it out and exploit fear like no other nation on this planet. If it wants to "embrace the French", or "save the environment" or, God forbid, "help the poor", we can all bring our assault rifles to the Rally For Disenfranchised End Of Timers, scheduled for an undisclosed, secret location at a time as yet to be determined. Here, we can confront the naysayers and interlopers who distract world attention with made up catastrophes about bees and coastal flooding.

So, we deplore you, MR HUSSEIN Obama, get off your tricycle and whip a little frenzy back into the silent majority. We have pulpits to pound and books to sell! There is a whole industry of right wing radio talk show pundits that are relying on you for their livelihoods.

I welcome your comments below this column.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)