You Might Have a Good Head on Your Shoulders If . . .
TALK ABOUT ONE-SIDED
Jeff Foxworthy is a very wealthy man thanks to his book, video, and stand-up comedy routine, “You Might Be a Redneck If . . .” Foxworthy also went on to several successful tours entitled: “The Blue Collar Comedy Tour,” and joined Bill Engvall, Larry, The Cable Guy and Ron White for what most comedy experts would say was the funniest and best-performing comedy troupe ever.
These four geniuses with comic minds also had a successful television show on the CW Network and it bore the title of their tour, “The Blue Collar Comedy Show.” The show played to filled arenas far and near.
FOXWORTHY: A MAN OF MANY TALENTS
Foxworthy even tried the sitcom game with a show entitled, naturally, Foxworthy, where he owned his own heating and air conditioning company and was married to a knock-out blond, and for some reason, the show “didn’t make the cut.” He also had a show entitled, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?” that ran for four years and currently, Foxworthy is starring and producing another hit show: “The Great American Bible Challenge,” so although Jeff Foxworthy is wealthy enough to retire, he chooses to do what he loves: Bring happiness to people.
One night this week, I began thinking about how Foxworthy, bless his heart, left us hanging with his “redneck routine,” because he didn’t produce a funny counterpart telling “You might be an intelligent redneck if . . .” routine. That almost irritated me. We rural rednecks of Hamilton, Ala., my hometown, deserve better. We deserve the entire picture. Yeah! Can I get a loud “You bet?”
Well, since Jeff will not return my calls or answer my emails as to why he “deserted” us, I am going to man-up and take care of this loose end myself and provide my very own sequel to Foxworthy’s redneck “money maker,” with my . . .
“You Might Have a Good Head on Your Shoulders If . . .”
- You do your own work in school and not have to copy other’s answers.
- You choose to hang with the kids who know how to do right and not drag race down main street in daylight.
- You respect your parents without being threatened.
- You find being nice to elderly people a second nature.
- Talking back to your teachers or parents makes you sick to your stomach.
- Saying “no,” to sex while dating this smoking-hot chick because you want “this” moment to be memorable and right.
- Saying “no” to any form of illegal drug being pushed on you.
- Saying “get lost” to any bully who is trying to pressure you into drinking alcohol at a party.
- Saying “no” to drinking and driving by you or your close friends.
- You abstain from all forms of physical or mental abuse to your wife or kids (when you grow into an adult).
- You choose to love your wife and forsake others although the temptation to cheat on her is before you many times.
- Being good to animals makes you feel good.
- Giving a secret monetary gift to someone without them know it makes you happy.
- You are the first to admit, “I made the mistake. Not my coworkers,” when the boss asks “Who messed this up?”
- You are proud to not be perfect, but only trying daily to treat others the way you want to be treated.
- You do more listening to a friend with a problem, than telling him all about “yourself.”
- You are willing to give a shabby hitch-hiker a ride when society says “people like him are dangerous.”
- Seeing our flag desecrated by hedonistic lunatics makes you angry.
- Saying a positive word about someone when a vulgar slur would have been easier.
- You have no problem working for a living instead of having the Federal Government keep you up.
“Good night, everyone. Thanks for coming out. Be careful driving home!”