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You Might Have a Good Head on Your Shoulders If . . .

Updated on September 11, 2014
LARRY, THE CABLE GUY
LARRY, THE CABLE GUY
RON WHITE
RON WHITE
BILL ENGVALL
BILL ENGVALL

TALK ABOUT ONE-SIDED

Jeff Foxworthy is a very wealthy man thanks to his book, video, and stand-up comedy routine, “You Might Be a Redneck If . . .” Foxworthy also went on to several successful tours entitled: “The Blue Collar Comedy Tour,” and joined Bill Engvall, Larry, The Cable Guy and Ron White for what most comedy experts would say was the funniest and best-performing comedy troupe ever.

These four geniuses with comic minds also had a successful television show on the CW Network and it bore the title of their tour, “The Blue Collar Comedy Show.” The show played to filled arenas far and near.

FOXWORTHY: A MAN OF MANY TALENTS

Foxworthy even tried the sitcom game with a show entitled, naturally, Foxworthy, where he owned his own heating and air conditioning company and was married to a knock-out blond, and for some reason, the show “didn’t make the cut.” He also had a show entitled, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?” that ran for four years and currently, Foxworthy is starring and producing another hit show: “The Great American Bible Challenge,” so although Jeff Foxworthy is wealthy enough to retire, he chooses to do what he loves: Bring happiness to people.

One night this week, I began thinking about how Foxworthy, bless his heart, left us hanging with his “redneck routine,” because he didn’t produce a funny counterpart telling “You might be an intelligent redneck if . . .” routine. That almost irritated me. We rural rednecks of Hamilton, Ala., my hometown, deserve better. We deserve the entire picture. Yeah! Can I get a loud “You bet?”

Well, since Jeff will not return my calls or answer my emails as to why he “deserted” us, I am going to man-up and take care of this loose end myself and provide my very own sequel to Foxworthy’s redneck “money maker,” with my . . .

“You Might Have a Good Head on Your Shoulders If . . .”

  • You do your own work in school and not have to copy other’s answers.
  • You choose to hang with the kids who know how to do right and not drag race down main street in daylight.
  • You respect your parents without being threatened.
  • You find being nice to elderly people a second nature.
  • Talking back to your teachers or parents makes you sick to your stomach.
  • Saying “no,” to sex while dating this smoking-hot chick because you want “this” moment to be memorable and right.
  • Saying “no” to any form of illegal drug being pushed on you.
  • Saying “get lost” to any bully who is trying to pressure you into drinking alcohol at a party.
  • Saying “no” to drinking and driving by you or your close friends.
  • You abstain from all forms of physical or mental abuse to your wife or kids (when you grow into an adult).
  • You choose to love your wife and forsake others although the temptation to cheat on her is before you many times.
  • Being good to animals makes you feel good.
  • Giving a secret monetary gift to someone without them know it makes you happy.
  • You are the first to admit, “I made the mistake. Not my coworkers,” when the boss asks “Who messed this up?”
  • You are proud to not be perfect, but only trying daily to treat others the way you want to be treated.
  • You do more listening to a friend with a problem, than telling him all about “yourself.”
  • You are willing to give a shabby hitch-hiker a ride when society says “people like him are dangerous.”
  • Seeing our flag desecrated by hedonistic lunatics makes you angry.
  • Saying a positive word about someone when a vulgar slur would have been easier.
  • You have no problem working for a living instead of having the Federal Government keep you up.

“Good night, everyone. Thanks for coming out. Be careful driving home!”

This man needs to photo tag

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    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Ann1Az2

      Me too. I wish I had the opportunity to meet Jeff. Can you imagine you and I walking into a KFC to eat and Jeff with us? And we act as if this was a natural event. I bet that the employees would go nuts.

      Thanks, my sweet friend, for your sweet comment.

      Have a safe night.

    • Ann1Az2 profile image

      Ann1Az2 3 years ago from Orange, Texas

      Good things to live by, Kenneth! And a great twist on an old comedy routine that never gets old - I love Jeff Foxworthy.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      cat on a soapbox,

      Do not feel bad. These things were riveted into my head too as a lad.

      I failed them then and fail some of them now.

      But I am thankful to be here and be blessed to have YOU and my followers in my world.

      God bless you richly.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, JamaGenee,

      Awww, you are very sweet to say that about me. But I figured that I would work for Jeff for a few months, take my pay in cash and take YOU and all of my followers out for a huge dinner and cruise.

      And if you think I am kidding, I am NOT.

      Thanks again for your sweet thoughts.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      gmwilliams,

      Hey. I saw your last comment. God bless you, DEAR Friend. And please, for me, say hi to all of your friends in New York City.

      I appreciate you.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Alastar Packer,

      Love your Redneck line about the yard sale. One of Foxworthy's funniest lines is: "If you call the 5th grade My Senior Year. You might be a redneck."

      I am a ruralite where I live. But actually I live in suburbia of my hometown.

      I hope you can visit with me again soon.

      Have a safe week ahead.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      CMHypno,

      Thanks for your very sweet and considerate comment. You do not have flag-burning over there? GREAT!

      We allow this practice by jerks who do not love our country and it is upheld by a so-called Supreme Court.

      I won't burn my flag for my dad and others in my family were proud vets who helped us keep our freedoms.

      Come back anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, moonfroth,

      Thank you kindly, sir, for the neat comment. Provocative? Wow. I have never had that said about my "complex" hubs. LOL.

      Thanks so much. Have a Great week.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      vkwok,

      THANK YOU, my friend, for such a great comment. YOU and Everyone on here are Loved and Appreciated by me.

      I am serious.

      Be blessed next week.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, word55,

      No sweat, my brother. I understood your comment(s) with no problem. Thanks for the nice comment. And have you thought about lending misterhollywood and me the $50 to be able to look younger?

      We would surely appreciate it.

      Be blessed next week, brother.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear sheilamyers,

      I totally-understood from the start what you meant by the flag line. And as for hitch-hikers, I used to pick them up when I was on the road so much for a radio station I worked for in 2001, but now it is 2014 and people have changed from humble to horrible.

      Thanks, dear FRIEND, for sticking by me even when I was sick.

      God bless you.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      DealForALiving,

      Your comment is much-appreciated and I was glad to be able to remind you of JF. LOL. The photo at the very top of NOT me. Rats.

      Please come back often to see how my Larry, The Cable Guy impression is coming.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Rhonda,

      I am in agreement with you. It is one thing to make a mistake, but trying in vain to cover it up instead of manning (or womaning up) and just saying, "I admit it. I made a mistake." No one would ever distrust you again.

      I pray that you and yours are blessed all next week.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Annart,

      Thanks so much for your input to this hub. It would be GREAT if "I" could and would live by this philosophy and I mean "to the T." But I mess-up. I am mortal. But there is something to be said for us trying.

      Please have a safe week ahead.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, DDE,

      Thanks, dear friend, for your comment that I enjoyed very much. Praise God that you and the followers on here like this.

      And that is all that matters to me.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Quite welcome indeed.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, favored,

      I thank you for your warm comment, but I seriously-doubt that you have slid down the scale any amount.

      I have a world of confidence in you and the life you live.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      gmwilliams,

      Thanks very much for your comment and compliments. I so appreciate you and your humble spirit.

      Come back anytime.

    • cat on a soapbox profile image

      Catherine Tally 3 years ago from Los Angeles

      These are the principals that were instilled in my generation, so I guess I must have a good head on my shoulders although I'm feeling a lot like a dinosaur these days. :) ( love Jeff Foxworthy)

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 3 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      Well thank heavens, Ken, that ol' Jeff *didn't* return your calls or reply to your emails because we would've been deprived of another of your funny, thought-provoking hubs!

      What a great list of how we should ALL conduct ourselves! ;D

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Righteous list and if only.....sigh. Fave redneck line:"... if people think your having a yard sale everyday"...lord ain't it the truth. There is one in every neighborhood it seems. Middle class and down that is.

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 3 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Being a Brit, I've never heard of Mr Foxworthy but it sounds like his shows are very funny. I like your list and I can think of many people who are like this.

      The one that doesn't really apply over here is the flag burning. I'm sure it's been done and the Union Jack has been burned as a protest or to signal lack of respect, but it is not something I have ever come across.

    • moonfroth profile image

      Clark Cook 3 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

      GOOD Hub, Ken. Well-written, provocative. I think I pass the test,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but y'ever know!

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 3 years ago from Hawaii

      Great thought-out hub, Kenneth!

    • word55 profile image

      Word 3 years ago from Chicago

      Hey Ken, I meant to say oms (on my shoulders).

    • word55 profile image

      Word 3 years ago from Chicago

      Great Ken, I think I have a good head ons. So far so good.

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 3 years ago

      I know a lot of people who fit into your description. If I have to fit ALL of them to have a pretty good head on my shoulders, I fail the test. Honesty is always the best policy so I'll state I won't pick up hitchhikers no matter how well their dressed unless I know them and, to me, burning the flag isn't such a big deal. Before anyone bashes me for that, let me explain. It's a piece of cloth. It may represent this county's ideas and beliefs, but it's not a building or a person. Okay, enough about me. Great hub!

    • DealForALiving profile image

      Sam Deal 3 years ago from Earth

      I guess I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, or at least I might. So happy to be reminded of Jeff Foxworthy too.

    • Rhonda Lytle profile image

      Rhonda Lytle 3 years ago from Deep in the heart of Dixie

      Let me begin by giving you a "You bet!" Love this. If more of us lived this way, the world would be a much better place. While I like them all, right now, the admitting when you made a mistake is rising to the top for me. I can only speak for myself, but I always found I respect someone who will admit a mistake much more than someone who tries to cover it up. Maybe that's part of why I can't stand politicians.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 3 years ago from SW England

      What a great list of 'if's. I hope I can manage most of those and I totally agree that everyone should aim to fulfil all of them.

      A philosophy to live by.

      Have a great weekend, kenneth!

      Ann

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Brilliantly thought of hub. Your suggestions sound helpful.

    • favored profile image

      Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

      According to your list I guess I'm doing OK, but in saying that I think I slid down the humble scale. So, never mind :)

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      This is an excellent hub. Great, sold commonsense principles presented here!