30 Ways to Know That You Have Been 'Suckered' Into Staying in a Shabby Motel When . . .
Looks "are" so deceiving
Would you stay in any of these "rat hole" motels?
Let's face it.
There are some motels on the vast interstate system that only out for your dough. I hate to hurt your feelings, but just quoting the facts and saving your money.
These motels have many colorful names such as: "Rat holes," "Clap traps," "Bottomless pits," "Filth palaces," and many more nasty names, but yet, truthful names once you pay your over-priced rate and fight your way through the cockroaches who stand-up on their back legs and try to run you out of the room.
I do not have room in this text box to include everything you are NOT GOING TO LIKE when you are "sucked into" staying in one of these "Disease lodges."
Please, this vacation season, I am begging you to be smart. Check the room out BEFORE you pay. You might thank me later.
I ask you to pay attention
to me for a few minutes. I have something serious to talk about with you.
You do realize that this is April, and soon it will be June and July, the prime vacation months for you and the numerous families who have "worked like dogs," the previous 51 weeks just to have that one week of vacation to spend with each other.
And you sure don't want to screw this week up in any way. This means if you are planning to drive on your time off, you will want to be sharp-minded and not get lured into stopping at one of these shabby motels (see any photo on this story) and give the desk clerk your hard-earned money to just be broken-hearted as you and the family toss and turn all night long just because your beds do not have mattresses.
Note: has it ever occurred to you that the majority of shabby motels are located way out of the way off of the interstate? This is not an accident, but a clever marketing strategy by the owners of these "Tick tent" motels. These owners know that you are going to be road-weary and exhausted, and cannot drive another mile and will be glad to see the "vacancy" sign and pull in for the night. When you do, you can almost hear the faint sound of a cash register ringing-up another slick sale.
I am calling this piece, "30 Ways to Know That You Have Been "Suckered" Into Staying in a Shabby Motel When . . .
- There are splotches of human blood on the carpet in the lobby.
- Flies are so thick you can barely see to sign the registration card.
- An animal skeleton is laying near the front entrance.
- People who have been drinking heavily are "sleeping it off" in the lobby and on the lobby floor.
- The desk clerk hasn't shaved in weeks. And glares at you. Can you can "psychotic"?
- You hear strange sounds emitting from the hallways at night.
- Sounds of footsteps keep you awake most of the night and when you open the door and check to see what is going on, there is no one there.
- Drug dealers have set-up booths behind the motel for their clients.
- A police car is up on blocks and afire in the parking lot.
- An employee ogles your wife and daughter and when you start to object, he pulls a switch blade knife on you.
- The restaurant only serves toast and luke-warm coffee.
- Cobwebs cover the tables in the restaurant and the elderly waitress claims that this is the newest fad in motel restaurants.
- A Black Widow spider bites your son while waiting for your toast and coffee.
- There are several police chalk drawings of bodies of people who have been killed or jumped from the roof of this shabby motel.
- There are no keys to your room, because the only door is a screen door.
- The bathroom toilet is broken. You have to relieve yourself in a 55-gallon oil drum, but it is decorated in a nice pastel paint.
- There are no towels--at all in your room. You are expected to drip-dry.
- The sink is held together by Super Glue and you find more human blood spots inside the sink when you start to shave.
- You notice a hidden-camera on the heating vent that doesn't work.
- You find a few pair of old shoes and some filthy men's and women's underwear underneath the bed and in the closet.
- Your daughter screams in fear as hundreds of used condoms fall out from underneath her pillow.
- You call the desk clerk to lodge a complaint, but the phone in your room doesn't work because this shabby motel has not paid its phone bill in months.
- There are several knives sticking into a photo of a man that is hanging on the bathroom wall.
- You hear a deep male voice saying, "Get out or die," coming from outside your door.
- At ten o' clock, two robbers walk into your room, look around and break down in tears of pity.
- The only way to keep "undesirables" out of your room is sitting one of your chairs in the doorway.
- Your chairs are a pair of used lawn chairs obviously purchased at a yard sale.
- At sunrise, the desk clerk who is still unshaven and frowning stands at your door to make sure you aren't going to steal anything from the room.
- The Bible on your nightstand only has Genesis through 1 Samuel.
- You convert to Christianity when you and your family survive the night.
Should I say "Happy motoring?" or "Praise God you made it?"