Thank you both so far. You actually DID provide bits and pieces within your answers that - IF I CAN REMEMBER THEM EACH DAY!! - might help me do a better job of living NOW and not pining for a justice that is not realistic (albeit way overdue and glaringly absent) - hence dwelling on past hate done to me.
HattieMattieMae, I find your mention of humanitarian and social work arenas both intriguing, relevant, and FAR removed from what I've seen as too much FAKERY among the so-called "pious" and faithful. That - and my literal mind and compromised executive functioning mean that "faith" is a chicken-egg oxymoron for me. I NEED the proof to believe. But then, needing the proof is a lack of faith.
Rosemay50, I am definitely in your camp. I write the hell out of it and everything else I need to process, as that, and reading (nonfiction)/conversation are the only way I learn. It's that damned letting go that's so hard! ;) I am a genuine hoarder - digital, expositional, and indeed in my physical space. I indeed can't seem to let things (abstract or tangible) GO. Hmmmm.....Maybe writing helps sort it, organize it - so it takes up less space - and hopefully MUCH less time distracting me.
Thank you both for your insights and effort.