As your experience demonstrates, it all depends on which side you support. On the winning side, the visit could have been made to celebrate a victory or to support a tradition.
Victory could be either moral or military. Thus in the case of Pearl Harbour, the moral victory of the 'loser' could far outweigh any self-congratulatory sentiments the 'winning' side would wish to express. A great number would feel so embarassed at the very high moral price paid for the 'victory' that their sadness would be indistinguishable from that suffered by the enemy.
Furthermore, in assessing the emotional context of any victory, one would have to consider whether it led to a resolution of the dispute, or to further senseless loss of life.
In the end it comes down to tne national or personal sense of values. In some societies these are inverted, and the celebrant is socialized into the acceptance and the glorification of war, regardless of its causes and it results. For example in some societies, self-destruction is a very highly respected emotional reaction.