I'm not sure what you mean by "macho" traits. All I know is my husband is not threatened by my independence and ability to take care of myself and I am not one to emasculate him by making him feel I am superior to him because I'm a woman etc. I believe in equality - equal partnership and mutual respect. I would not accept a partner who believed in anything less than that. I am very feminine despite my independence and he is very masculine despite allowing me to be self-sufficient :) Best of both worlds when the balance is right. We both share household duties, both cook and both care for the kids equally which is ideal in my eyes.
If some women have to be tougher, it might be due to entering traditionally male dominated fields. I know a couple of women programmers for example who work in 90% male companies and they do have to work harder to prove themselves, and they also have to defend their decisions a lot because their ideas are challenged simply because of their gender. I'd say in those situations sometimes women have to get tough or get steamrolled into submission - but I think that is also not a bad thing. Women can't get ahead by being submissive just to keep the peace.
Women can be strong and that doesn't make them less feminine in my eyes.