I believe that most soldiers are decent honorable men doing what they need to do to defend their country or their way of life. But there are among those decent and honorable men a few who are not.
We cannot "hate" the men of war, but we can and in my belief system should hate the need for war, and the excuses men make for causing wars.
Soldiers do what they must, in most cases, to stay alive and to win the battle. Sometimes that isn't "pretty" enough for the average person, and sometimes it can be downright cruel. But war isn't pretty, no matter what face you may try to paint on it. The intention of war is to defeat and destroy your enemy.
Sometimes a soldier begins to realize after he gets into the war that things are not what they had previously believed. That the war violates his own personal sense of honor and is therefore not a "just" war. This can lead to personal frustrations and disillusionment. And sometimes that leads to self destruction.
We as citizens have the responsibility to avoid judgement with the soldiers and instead question the leaders that sent the soldiers to war.
The ones who volunteer to defend their country have made a choice based on the information they have been given for the need for war. We cannot fault them and they as individuals deserve our support. Unless they are among the few who are not decent and honorable.