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Top Ten Reasons Why Apple Sucks More Than George Bush
George W's presidency and Apple's trendy comeback will probably go down in history as one of the most baffling co-occurring mental illnesses in millennial American history. If I took a bet on who will leave a deeper hole in the growing emptiness of the American conscience, it would be evil iProduce for the win!
Bush thinks he's a genius, but constantly reminds us he's not. Apple thinks they're geniuses, and you're a moron.
"You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."
"I think we agree, the past is over."
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."
"There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."
Bush makes fat people richer. Apple bashes fat people on national television.
Bush sounds like a computer riddled with malware when he speaks. Steve Jobs mindf$%@s his back account when he spoke.
Bush wanted to invade parts of the world in the name of defeating terrorism. Apple wants to name the entire world after it's favorite the letter "i"... for no reason at all.
7. Boredom iFactor
Bush's addresses could put you to sleep in under five minutes (well, unless he unleashed one of his famous Bushisms). Steve Jobs' addresses made you want to poke out your eyes, tear off your ears, and hit yourself in the kidneys after 60 grueling minutes.
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
Bush wanted us to spend trillions of dollars to repair Iraq. Apple wanted us to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to replace our rectangle iPods with iTouches, iTouches with iPads, iPads with iPad Airs, iPad Airs with iPad Pros... just like conflict in the Middle East, it never ends.
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
Bush dresses like a stiff capital pig. Apple representatives dress like members of the Blue Man Group.
Bush's decisions made our planet overheat. Apple makes everything in your house overheat.
Sad thing is, George Bush probably can't even operate a Mac.
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
"Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness."
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."