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Isn’t about time we bring torture to our schools?

Updated on June 1, 2009

Isn’t about time we bring torture to our schools?  (A Satire)

Ever since the Columbine shooting numerous deranged children have taken up arms in copycat killings all over this great nation. So many innocent young men and women have paid the price for our collective inaction. In good faith, we naively send our children off to schools everyday, to mingle with potential terrorists. I think it is about time that we take back our schools and give our sons and daughters the protection that they deserve. Just like visionary Dick Cheney, I believe that Americans have become soft on techniques that pay real dividends.

We must take the extra step beyond the archaic use of metal detectors, the weak approach of counseling, and the hollow threat of suspension (which everyone knows is fun masquerading as punishment) and sterilize this problem right in the crotch. In this new era of terror, the faculty has to seek out the antisocial young man, the kid with the propensity to dress in dark, unfashionable garb; the video game addict…and torture the shit out of them. This way the troubled kids will not only think again about unloading a barrage of bullets on their innocent classmates, but more importantly, we can firmly persuade these heartless savages to expose the other little bastards plotting to kill, and in doing so we can avoid certain disaster. Pussies like Dillon Klebold won’t have the fortitude to carry out an attack after a 48 hour session of water boarding. Through torture we can shape a happier and more harmonious world that is safe for our at risk youth. Some may say that electroshock therapy is passé; I say leave no stone unturned.

So if you care as much as I do about children, if every night before you sleep, you ask God how we can protect these poor little lambs. Then, it is your responsibility to speak out against the marshmallow stance some traitors to our nation are taking on torture. If we really want to make a difference where it matters most, we must bring torture to our schools, where it belongs. For as logic cries to us, if these techniques have saved so many lives abroad, don’t we deserve the utilization of these techniques to save our children? Together with those brave enough to take a hard line on potential terrorist activities both in the classroom and in the desert, we can break their will.



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