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Emotional Vampires

Updated on August 26, 2012

This is not just a twisted horror story, they exist and you need to protect yourself.

We see the concept of a vampire as necessarily fictional, yet they exist in different forms. Vampires are not just immortal creatures that live on human blood. Emotional vampires are people who feed off the energy of others. Not being in balance spiritually themselves, they seek what they need by taking it. They take many shapes and forms and have different agendas. Their techniques differ and you do not always see them coming. You will know them because after an interaction, you will feel emotionally drained. Sometimes you will feel confused or broadsided, because you did not give them permission to do this. They are adept at avoiding "boundaries", so a defense is necessarily. This lens will deal with identifying them and defensive measures.

Believe it or not, there are some people who deliberately feed emotionally on others and consider themselves, "energy vampires" . Then there are those, who are completely unaware that they have a lifestyle, where instead of creating their own internal energy, they take it from others. The last are far more common.

The Ultimate Book on Emotional Vampires

Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry
Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry

Dr. Bernstien's book, is I believe, the best work on this subject. In it he outlines the five main types of Emotional Vampire.


Anti-Social Vampires

Rebel without a pause... An example in a movie, is the Bill of "Kill Bill". This person is charming, often well traveled, attractive and when you are with them, you have fun. Life is bigger and brighter. You can't trust them however, they make their own rules and will change them to suit themselves.

At first they are like no one you ever met. The suck you into their world, then little by little you see something is off. You realize they are pathological liars, while insisting that they, "keep it real". They like to horrify you by making it clear they think the law is written for sheep - and they think you are one. You begin to realize they do not give the delicate portion of a rodents rear end for anyone or anything but their own image or opinion. They keep you enthralled, by making you feel special by their mere presence in your life, and the feeling that they are the one, your soul mate. They are what makes your life exciting, they are the one thing without which everything turns to some sterile, suburban prison, of soul dead consumerism and banality. They drain you, by a thousand little betrayals, and the inability to trust them farther than you can throw them. The truth is their constant Jimmy Dean act is not that interesting in the long run and by then they have moved on to trash someone else.

Histrionic Vampires

I want to have some of your a-t-t-e-n-t-i-o-n" give it to meeee! This person is a legend in their own lunch time. They have a story, or they are living one. They use their looks, sexuality, illnesses, anything to accomplish this end. I won't pick a movie to describe them, because they are Hollywood. I won't name names either, but you can probably think of many - they usually have a reality show, a new tattoo, a prison record, whatever it takes. When they go into rehab they ensure it is prime time viewing. They drain you by not letting you change the channel.

If for some reason you cannot watch their tableaux 24/7, they will amp it up so you will not be able to tear your eyes away from them, anymore than a train wreck. They will constantly reenact the death scene from Carmen till you feel their pain. Thing is you can't get close to these people, they do not know who they are or what they want. Any attempt to find the real person, will be met with dramatic reenactments of something they saw once, that they thought was interesting. Having no personality of their own, they use your attention to feed off of, instead of creating their own energy.

Narcissistic Vampires

The Narcissistic Vampire often seems to have it all together. If you get close to them however, you will soon find that it is all about ME, my interests, my agenda, and that ALWAYS revolves around being perfect. At first you will appreciate them - you can can take them anywhere, and they seem to know all the right people. Look a little closely though and you will see a destructive pathology. The people in their family are often in therapy, because they have never have had their needs met once. Imagine being Scarlet O'Hara's child - or Marie Marone's. Everything must point back to their perfection. You are drained with a death of a thousand cuts. They pretend to be your best friend, because they are the best at everything, yet they are listening to gather amo, in case you ever blow their cover. Woe to you if you thwart them in any way or show them in a less than flattering light. They will attack you with everything they have, behind your back of course, because to show their vindictive nature, would be evidence of imperfection.

These people appear to be competent and well functioning, but the truth is they have the patience of a two year old, with the same self-centeredness, with the adult capability of a fully formed Machiavelli. Since they hide their evil deeds, rely on a sense that there is "something" off about this person and believe your instincts. If you don't they will shape shift into anything they think will work, to receive their "supply", which is other people mirroring back to them their perfect image. Truth is they hate themselves and are trying to make you feel inadequate, so they don't have to. They will drain you to the last drop and throw you away like yesterdays garbage when they are done.

Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires

Melvin Udall in "As Good as it Gets" is a perfect example of this. These people came up with the phrase, "step on a crack and break your mother's back" and they believe it. They will be obsessed with the oddest things and have an emotional melt down if you can't get with the program. They have germ phobias, or think they need to wear a tin foil hat to protect themselves from aliens. They are draining by their inability to cope with normal life, and further debilitating, by insisting you enable their every eccentricity. Find below a list of examples I have taken from the obsessive compulsive vampire in my life:

  1. 1. Washes the faucet with hands in public restrooms after use for the next person
  2. 2. Can't cook in someone else kitchen without their "special pan"
  3. 3. Counts ice cubes while making drinks
  4. 4. Scrubs spots on laundry a hundred times
  5. 5. Has to warm the plates for morning toast like service in a five star restaurant

Paranoid Vampires

Its not that I am paranoid it is just everyone is out to get me! The truth is people are out to get away from them. They treat you like someone from the past that hurt them, or someone from the future who is out for global domination. Their minds constantly work in a cloud of fear and suspicion. The more you try to reassure them, the more they drain you. Affirmations of trust and stability evaporate around them like water on boiling asphalt. An example would be Johnny Depp's portrayal of Raoul Burke in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Here is a quote from the character:

"[watching Dr. Gonzo leave]

Raoul Duke: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."

Do to their constantly desperate state, they are dangerous. They drain you, because you never know what fool thing they are going to do next, for no good reason. They will sell you out, if you set them off, which will happen if you are in the same room as them and breathing.

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    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      We do have people thast will suck the life out of us for their own comfort, power and pleasure. Its sad, but true.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      Excellent article on the unique personality traits which can send a relationship very quickly into a tailspin. There sure are a wide variety of vampires on the loose.