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Profile of a Bully

Updated on August 30, 2017

Bullying Follows a Pattern

Being the subject of many a bully's taunts and harassment over the years the thing that strikes me is the pattern into which they fall. Many blame poor education and being of a lower socio-economic background which is just not the case.

They come from all walks of life and often the most priviledged are the worst of bullies and they expect others to curtail to their whims and wiley ways. Many are unaware or simply unable to stop the behaviour which may have started almost from birth. Like most intelligent kids my first brush with bullies came while in infants school.

In fact it started my very first day there at the age of just four and a half. The school frightened me because there was something about the nuns that brought flashbacks, probably from my previous life. I was terrified is more to the point when a certain nun pounced on me. She turned me upside down and in front of the whole class smacked me hard on my bottom several times because I did not want to go into the room and was bawling my eyes out to go home. As soon as she let go I was off and two senior girls were sent after me but I could outrun them.

Collapsing in my Nana's driveway, less than five minutes away for this speedster, my dear auntie put her head out of the window and called the girls off. They had caught up and were now lying on top of me. It took some talking me around before I would go back there. To my credit I did manage to kick the nun hard in the shin before I left.

What Provokes a Bully?

Is there any defence?

A small child being beaten upside down by a nun in front of a class of pupils is unforgivable. In fact any beating of a child is unforgiveable. Yet it happens every day and in all societies. But a nun?

Over the years I took profiles of bullies and examined their background, life style, situations and friends. It is very revealing, Most have low self esteem, are insecure for one reason or another, are not high achievers and they like to ridicule and put down anyone who is 'better' than they are in the eyes of society.

They feed off others who, like themselves, fit the same pattern. Together they build power among themselves and can become a strong force, such as certain bikie gang members, like the Hell's Angels, or the Mafia. They are rarely alone in their day and may often be surrounded by or in contact with others who, in turn, feed off the same tools while electing one as a leader. Their conscience, if they have one, is eased by the laughter and joy they get through the pain of their victims.

They usually have a support base where they can spin a yarn or two about their activities and be completely exonerated, even praised for their deeds. Their victims usually include defenceless people, children, animals and even entire countries. Some are so clever at their evil that they can become leaders and starve, murder, grow rich and win a place in history.

Among such people we should list Hitler, Constantine (Roman Emperor), Idi Amin, Mugabe, Sadam Hussain and many others that are either still alive or whom history will remember as tyrants.

How Many Bullies Do You Know? - How many victims?

They are in all walks of life from work situations to kindergarten, from the home to the street, from the school to the parlow and from the internet to forums.

Have you or someone you know been victimised by a bully?

The Profile of A Bully

What makes him/her tick

The bullies I have known, including an x-husband, had duel personalities. They display calm, charm and good intentions to others while to their victims they are cruel, destructive, deceitful, vindictive, shallow and undermining of all the other's works. They worm their way in with their charm but their sting is full of poison and they are out to get you. Beware who you sleep with!

It is this double standard that tricks people into not believing the victims when they try to speak out. They are silenced by the confusion. The bully has exceptional verbal skills and can outmanoeuver their prey in times of conflict.

Bullies are impassioned compulsive liars who will make up anything to suit their needs at the moment. The captive knows this and is told in no uncertain terms what will happen if he/she escapes or turns on the predator. He builds up the picture of horror which is terrifying enough to make even the most miserable life in his presence bearable.

According to Wikipedia bullies are "often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic and unusually skilled". They state plausibly what others want to hear thus suucking up to them. They also display a good sense of humour and laugh spontaneously to throw people off their guard by making wisecracks or jokes and portraying themselves as nice to know.

Bullies are untrustworthy and unreliable, usually unable to complete a task or they do it poorly. They tend to make an effort but all the while with an eye on engaging someone else to do it for them at no cost to themselves. They fit the role of dictator perfectly and are able to control their victims thoughts, beliefs and actions with compulsive force.

Bullies also have a compulsive need to criticise while never giving credit or praise and acknowledgement to others for their achievements, or their existence. They are also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit another who calls him/her to account while they, in turn, demand praise and attention for whatever they do.

Without a doubt they are spiritually dead although they may cling to a religious belief or affiliation as a cover for what they have not got. They are also generally mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty while displaying a mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy mind. They are also greedy, selfish and a parasite that bleeds victims dry before they move on to another. Their charm quickly opens another door to another victim.

They believe strongly in their quality as leaders and fraudulently claim to have qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations that are at least ambiguous, misleading, or make-believe. They gain strength from violent movies, games, pronography and anti-social connections. They operate behind one's back to outmanoeuvre the ones they fear or who are a threat to their actions.

Their greatest weapons are the promises they make which will never be fulfilled. They are always going to make life better for their victims, always promising the world while taking everything they can squeeze out of the arrangement, but when the chips are called in they may also turn to murder or suicide to escape the consequences.

Typical bullies of this nature are leaders like Mugabe, Saddam Hussein and others who deprive their people of necessities, such as food, while they build up their own wealth and defence forces to ward off interference from the outside world. North Korea is another case in point where successive bullies have imprisoned the people and forced obedience through such control. There are many more countries in the same fix and who can forget what happened to Tibet and Cambodia while in Burma (Myanmar) the democratically elected leader, Aung San Suu Kyi, has been a prisoner for some 20 years while milirary dictators rule.

Killing many thousands of their own people is also typical of such tyrants. Hitler killed millions as did Stalin and Constantine while Hussein would shoot his best friend dead for practically nothing if it suited him.

Cyber Bullies - They are also here in Squidoo

Someone has been attacking me in the forums here for no clear reason and others have believed her. The feelings it brings up knowing that this person is out to get me is awful but I choose to ignore her posts in threads because I do not want to add fuel to the fire. She is a bully and what she is doing will come back to haunt her in the Spirit's time.

How Much Should We Allow Without Censorship? - Should we push for control over what others do?

Should Networking sites and forums be censored

Social Networking - The strength and its weaknesses

Through these sites one can quickly post information that is instantly read by thousands of people, many of whom may be criminals, bullies, abusers, pedophiles or anti-social people. The Internet is the two way radio of yesterday only now it is faster, more available and much easier to use. Bullies can drum up support from others in an instant, can target a victim, threaten, control and maintain fear through it. If you are online - BEWARE!

Anti Social Personality Disorder APD

And the Serial Bully

You will recognise him from his actions. Control freak, charming, constant criticism, nit picking, manipulative, specialist in intimidation and always needing others to feed his many moods. One day charming and supportive, the next acting like the world just caved in.

"The bully selects their target using the following criteria:

* bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors

* being good at your job, often excelling

* being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)

* more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear

* being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (ie you get more attention than the bully)

* having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise

* having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)

* having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited

* being too old or too expensive (usually both)

* refusing to join an established clique

* showing independence of thought or deed

* refusing to become a corporate clone and drone"

Jealousy may be a trigger but it is more likely to be the bully's lack of abilities that cause the reaction.

Intelligence is a funny thing. I believe we are born with it while others think that learning and acquiring skills is the source. But the brain is the decider. How much one can think and do is not limited to one's sex or education but simpy to the ability of the mind to solve problems.

When I look at a puzzle for the first time my mind examines all the possibilites of resolving it until an answer is found. The bullies brain turns to mush and he/she will look to steal ideas from others to make it look like they have come up with the solution, thereby, gaining rewards they are not entitled to. But don't try to protest unless you have evidence because they have covered themselves well. They can easily work out how to defeat you. They will plagiarise, steal, deride and undermine the original solver of the problem, therefore, so they gain the advantage. History is full of this type of bullying whereby women, for example, have lost out to men who take their ideas and run with them.

Men are good at bullying women and constantly putting them down with derisive remarks, ridicule and control. They use the ideas of women to climb to the top and are on executive boards and in parliaments where they usually just take without giving much back. If they have a good woman behind them then they are well on their way to success. You know the adage "behind every good man . . . "

Why Be a Victim?

Can one escape the torment?

When one is subjected to constant ridicule and intimidation they loose power to retaliate, to remove themselves from the situation, and they usually withdraw while thinking that society does not want them.

In a recent case in Australia a woman was acquitted of murdering her husband because he was a bully. Not only was he controlling her every move and thought but outwardly appeared to be a wonderful husband and provider, In the home he frequently bashed her demanded all types of things from her, separated her from her friends and in a final act of sheer savagery told her he was going to kill one of their children.

He demanded that she tell him which one to kill and he nominated a day when it would take place and marked it on a calendar. As the day drew ever closer she somehow managed to acquire a gun that she was able to pay someone to get for her. That night she put some sleeping pills in his tea or coffee and when he was asleep in bed she shot him twice through the temple. But that did not kill him outright and it took him some time to die from loss of blood.

No one in her family or his ever suspected or knew of the abuse and terror she was going through but their children did and they verified the torment and hate he perpetrated against their mother. In fact, his family is demanding that she go to jail for the crime.

So why didn't she escape? Because he told her that if she walked out of the marriage he would come after her, chase her down and kill her and the kids. This is the control that such people exercise over their victims. It is not only themselves that appear to be in danger but other loved members of their family.

In another case recently in Victoria, Australia, a man deliberately drove his car off the road into a dam and drowned his three young children to get back at his wife. He had access for the week-end and on the way home, with the youngest one just 2 years old, he contrived this act. The woman in question lost her entire family in one blow by a bully that she had escaped from. But she did not escape because she will suffer the pain and wear the guilt for the rest of her life. Unfortunately the courts award custody to bullies and do not listen to claims of harassment unless there is absolute proof.

In another recent case a man returning his young daughter from an access, stopped in the middle of a major bridge in Melbourne and tossed the girl over. She crashed onto the cement at the base of the pilon and was killed instantly. These cases, heard around the same time in Victorian courts, demonstrate that the bullies believe the law can't or won't touch them and that they are free to carry out their horror with society's blessing.

Poor Little Girl - Probably in a much better place now.

Society Plays into the Hands of Bullies

Movies, music, games, big business and governments

The bully's power is reinforced through movies that portray men dominating women and children. Through games that show men winning out against the law or stomping over their neighbous's rights, property or family. Through novels and other things that fill the mind with such power and incentive.

It is escapism that allows the bully to practise his terror in the unreal world of make-believe in which he can be the judge, jury and executioner while excusing his/her own violence and anti-social behaviour. Yet society allows these things and then is horrified when bullies commit their crimes and terrorise others. One can beg all one likes but that won't stop them?

Women uually bully men over money and security but they rarely get to influence whole countries although they can kill their own children in retaliation agsinst a spouse or partner.

One night whilst driving along a major Sydney artery towards the city around 10pm the road was almost deserted except for a group of bikies who came up and rode on either side of the car. They then lit crackers and tossed them in front of it so that the thing exploded when the car went over it. If I went fast so did they and if I slowed down so did they. Too scared to stop I prayed for a policeman ro turn up but none did and as I got further in towards the city they pulled away. Did I report them? No!

What made them do it? Thrills of seeing a young female (which I was at that time) terrorised, at the prospect that the car would explode, was as good as some of the video games are today.

How many times do we see kids bullying others and filming their acts and placing their videos on U-tube? There are thousands of such cases. Do we object? No!

What about the violence in music these days? Loud, raucous, violent noise that is ugly to listen to and the artists are even uglier to look at yet these so-called artists are making millions. They have captured the minds of the young who now imitate their idlos and when they don't succeed at being like them may become bullies and even terrorists to others.. It is all a part of sanctioning of bully behaviour while burying the troubles that beset all societies at this time.

What Should We be Doing to Stop Bullies? - Is there any solution?

Do you have an answer?

Still images from Dreamstime - click here

© 2010 norma-holt

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    • Lyra Kua profile image

      Lyra Kua 3 years ago

      Stories about bullying makes me feel sad. Sadly, I don't think bullying will be an easy thing to completely eliminate.

    • OneSavvyMama profile image

      OneSavvyMama 4 years ago

      Love this lens. Thank you for doing this

    • mattcut profile image

      mattcut 4 years ago

      I was chased home from school as a child (5th grade) and repeatedly punched and kicked by him - that bully is now dead. He went down a path of self-destruction, taking as many people with him as he could along the way. Actually being a very sweet, but damaged boy, I saw him later in life and saw how vulnerable he was in all actuality. Bullies are crying out for Love, just in an unacceptable way, that's what I tell my little girl

    • mattcut profile image

      mattcut 4 years ago

      Bless you for helping the world become a better place ! Much continued Love & Success, Matthew

    • Tammy69 LM profile image

      Tammy69 LM 4 years ago

      Thanks for the great read. I have featured your lens on my unacceptable beahviour lens.

    • tomazg profile image

      tomazg 4 years ago

      I had an experience with a bully when I was a child and that was not a great time for me.

    • profile image

      cmadden 4 years ago

      Very interesting, well-done lens.

    • choosehappy profile image

      Vikki 4 years ago from US

      This is one of the best lenses I've ever seen. Seriously.

    • CoolFool83 profile image

      CoolFool83 4 years ago

      Very informative stuff on a sensitive subject. Just too many bullies out there, and it needs to stop.

    • Masterdevin123 profile image

      Masterdevin123 4 years ago

      I love the lens and the animated picture!

    • profile image

      SteveKaye 5 years ago

      Bullies use other people's attempts to protect themselves as justification for their bullying behavior.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      The irony of it is many think it is an essential part of growing bullying and being bullied. I don't think it is needed at all. In colleges, there is another evil doing the rounds, ragging juniors which is equal and analogous to bullying.

    • mihgasper profile image

      Miha Gasper 5 years ago from Ljubljana, Slovenia, EU

      Good points on bullies.

    • profile image

      RuralFloridaLiving 5 years ago

      Thank you for this caring article.

    • surfer1969 lm profile image

      surfer1969 lm 5 years ago

      Nice lens too.

    • surfer1969 lm profile image

      surfer1969 lm 5 years ago

      I know how It feels to be bullied because I had It done to me In school and life before.

    • goo2eyes lm profile image

      goo2eyes lm 5 years ago

      just coming back to bless this beautiful lens.

    • serendipity831 profile image

      Drake McSherry 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      Thank you for keeping this important subject in the light. :)

    • JJNW profile image

      JJNW 5 years ago from USA

      You have so much good info here. Thanks. *Blessed*

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This is such an important topic, and I think its wonderful how you have gotten so many different people to add their own two cents. Bullies must have a mental illness or something, because I don't get it. ~ Must bless this lens!

    • profile image

      dannystaple 5 years ago

      I am glad to have come across this lens - bullying was something I did have to put up with until I somehow worked out how to stop being a victim of it. Am I over it? Not entirely, but its far from my mind mostly. I've always been a bit nerdy - which kind of made me a target. I think in my adult life, I found out how to surround myself with people like me- although even then I encounter the odd bully. It may be just because I went to the bigger city and escaped some small town small mindedness. I am hoping I can prepare my children to reject bullies, without them becoming bullies themselves. Shame about the videos missing - perhaps you could find replacements - you've also left a workshop link in there too. Blessed.

    • SheGetsCreative profile image

      Angela F 5 years ago from Seattle, WA

      It's unfortunate that bullying has become a part of everyday life, now more than ever. Hopefully that won't always be the case.

    • profile image

      jeremykim2011 5 years ago

      I don't want to remember the days when I was bullied in school. It was awful.

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 5 years ago

      Sorry to hear you were bullied.

    • kislanyk profile image

      Marika 5 years ago from Cyprus

      Great lens. I hate bullies with all my heart!

    • goo2eyes lm profile image

      goo2eyes lm 6 years ago

      nice lens. when someone bullies me, i bully back.

    • SiochainGraSonas profile image

      SiochainGraSonas 6 years ago

      Wonderful lens! Very informative! I am glad to see someone writing about this.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      You covered bullying really well and it was a great article to read, yes I have been bullied, I think that most easy going people get bullied from time to time, when I have been bullied I usually say in my mind "oh this person is an idiot so why am I going to take on board anything that they say", I find that always works well and the bully, is probably thinking why can't I find this persons weak spot, so they don't win, and move on to someone else that they think might be an easy target

    • SeanVernall LM profile image

      SeanVernall LM 6 years ago

      You have done a very thorough job of summing up the key elements of a bully. I have had some experience with these kinds of people and find it frustrating as hell when others can't see through them because of their manipulative behaviour.

    • profile image

      sherel57 6 years ago

      Great article and I voted for you for lens of the day

    • JackNimble profile image

      JackNimble 6 years ago

      As a teacher I am very passionate about this subject and I confront bullying and bullies whenever I catch it happening in school. My heart goes out to both the one getting bullied and the bullies though. I think many bullies if shown love and given some self esteem early on in life they could learn the power of love and kindness. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I've always believed that a hurtful person is a hurting person. I mean if we were to help people who are bullied might as well help those Bullies themselves. Thanks so much for sharing this. We meet these people basically everywhere not just in school but in our workplaces too. I'm truly enlighten and educated. Thanks so much for taking the time to share it. Great job!

    • profile image

      chrispell017 6 years ago

      very nice lens! nice job

    • JanezKranjski profile image

      JanezKranjski 6 years ago

      The biggest problem with bullies is that their victims don't tell anyone about it and they can continue their bulling.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      Yes I truly believe that these bullies build their ego by putting down someone to make it seem that they are better then the person who they taunt. Maybe it is a form of self enforcement but instead of saying positive affirmations they concentrate on the negative. Sad.

    • profile image

      sabinamiller 6 years ago

      Thanks for sharing such a useful lens....

      --

      Bedroom Furniture

    • hlkljgk profile image

      hlkljgk 6 years ago from Western Mass

      i think bullies are people who feel they have to real voice, so they lash out in frustration. they need help, and cycles need to be stopped.

    • Kailua-KonaGirl profile image

      June Parker 6 years ago from New York

      Norma - Excellent lens. I was so surprised to discover that this is also going on within the realms of Squidoo. It am so saddened to be toppled down off of cloud nine by the realization that we here at Squidoo are NOT all like minded as Giant Squids. Thank you for helping to bring this problem into the light. Unfortunately there is no easy solution. Leaving you with a Squid Angel blessing and added your link from this lens to My Squid Angel Wings blessing lens.

    • profile image

      kimmanleyort 6 years ago

      I've always loved this lens. Could read it over and over.

    • LadyFlashman profile image

      LadyFlashman 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thank you for this very informative and interesting lens, bullying is a dreadful thing and it is great you have highlighted the issues here. Congratulations on a very well deserved purple star!

    • falldown2007 profile image

      falldown2007 6 years ago

      Congrats on the purple star. What a very informative lens, bullying as a hole is a huge problem.

    • garyrh1 profile image

      garyrh1 6 years ago

      As a child, I was on both ends of bullying. It probably would have stopped on both sides if there was more reaction by higher ups at school, but they didn't seem to care.

    • profile image

      GetSillyProduct 6 years ago

      Great lens on a very hot topic. Bullying is definitely a problem, society as a whole needs to reject bullying

    • LisaAuch1 profile image

      Lisa Auch 6 years ago from Scotland

      Wel I am outraged! You, my friend, no way...I have not even read the second half of this lens, and you know me, love reading your posts, because I know how you write and I know how painful this is for you. Is it not sad that people need to behave this way. I have a very thick skin, and sometimes I have even watched in horror at some of the behaviour I have seen towards fellow lensmasters, and i have emailed them personally to let them know I am thinking of them/ that it was out of order, and am more shocked at how many now stqy away from the forum! WHY is this allowed to happen. love to you, and I know i would love to see you over in the forum!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      This is powerful and empowering and impressively done. May all wounds be healed and become facts of the past with no pain attached.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @sousababy: Some good points here and yes, it is heartbreaking that the Victims are usually the last people to be taken seriously.

      In any Bullying situation, I often find that once the Bully is confronted, then they are the ones who shout the loudest by trying to twist the truth and paint themselves as the victim. They constantly try to justify themselves and they are so "in your face" as they try every trick in the book to win people over to their side.

      The girl who bullied my daughter goes through a cycle of behaviour: of leaving her alone, then trying to befriend her again and then when that does not work, she tries to convince others that she was the one who was bullied. My daughter just ignores her - but it is still hard at times.

      Bullies never seem to realise that their "tricks" and controlling behaviour gets noticed eventually and when people start to ignore them, they go on a campaign to continue to paint themselves as the victim.

    • hayleylou lm profile image

      hayleylou lm 6 years ago

      This really is a great lens. Shame on that Nun who did that to you ! Blessed by a Squid Angel :)

    • I-sparkle profile image

      I-sparkle 6 years ago

      As a small girl, I was bullied often. One day, I was so scared that I pushed a little boy who had been bothering me in front of a car. It scared both of us--him more though. After that people thought that I was a little crazy. I wasn't bullied so much after that episode. Excellent lens. I hope someone that needs this wonderful advice will find it.

    • profile image

      inkserotica 6 years ago

      Blessed by a passing paranormal squid angel ;)

    • profile image

      JoshK47 6 years ago

      Excellent, well-written lens about a serious problem.

    • profile image

      JoshK47 6 years ago

      Excellent, well-written lens about a serious problem.

    • ChrisDay LM profile image

      ChrisDay LM 6 years ago

      Congratulations on that well-deserved Purple Star!

    • profile image

      resabi 6 years ago

      Clearly written from the heart -- with a lot of good information to back it up. Blessed (oh -- and congrats on the purple star!)

    • ClassyGals profile image

      Cynthia Davis 6 years ago from Pittsburgh

      Blessed by a Squid Angel**

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 6 years ago

      Well done lens! A real bully is likely born with a level of consciousness that is based in desire unfulfilled, which breeds anger and the constant need to attack and outsource blame; there is no cure but to walk away from them and not give them any power. Good for you for running from that nun- I was hit on the head with a book in grade 1 for getting up and helping another child- I left and went home too. I made the mistake of giving a bully claiming to be a victim here on Squidoo power by trying to help them see why things went the way they did- it was a waste of time on my part. There are bullies who use the victim stance to gain support from others. Happy St Patrick's Day, with a Lucky Leprechaun blessing -:) Lensrolled to How to Be a Survivor, many thanks.

    • Sylvestermouse profile image

      Cynthia Sylvestermouse 6 years ago from United States

      Adding a kiss for luck on this St. Patrick's Day!

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 6 years ago

      Blessed by a SquidAngel :)

    • sheriangell profile image

      sheriangell 6 years ago

      Great work you are doing here Norma. Squid Angel blessed today.

    • jvsper63 profile image

      jvsper63 6 years ago

      Very Good topic. This is something that can follow someone "That has been bullied" around for the rest of their lives..Great lens Joni

    • lollyj lm profile image

      Laurel Johnson 6 years ago from Washington KS

      Oh yes, I know first hand about bullying -- at school, at home, and on the job.

      Most of the bullies I experienced came from a long line of bullies.

      If we see bullying and look the other way, we help perpetuate bad behaviors.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      To say that you were never bullied is not true, because bullying exists in different walks of life. In my experience, I have encountered Nuns, bosses and teachers who resort to bullying and they even brag about it.

      To bully the small kids and the employees is easy because they are working under you and are sometimes at your mercy. You have the upper hand but think twice before suppressing, things may change and circumstances may force you to be under them in this birth or a future one.

      A great lens that highlights the prevailing evil in our modern society.

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      @Kittenium: Statistically speaking, same gender bullying IS more common (men bully men; women bully women). Based on thousands of participants (WBI and Zogby International), WOMEN are bullies MORE often (bullying other women) in the workplace.

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      @Sylvestermouse: Love your comment, yes I have been told to just ignore it, it will go away. BUT, it never does, the bullying GETS worse. Another common thread I keep hearing is the bully (and his/her supporters) keep telling the vicitm that s/he is 'being paranoid.'

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Lensrolled to my: Why the "Bad" in Society seem to be Winning, Challenging Conventional Thinking, Doing It Anyway / Bullies at Work, You are doing something right, if people don't like you and Victim Rights = Our Rights, even on Squidoo (100% of any royalities will go directly to the Squidoo Charity Fund). Wonderful job! Thank you for taking up this cause.

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Wonderful work and I see you have my old bullying lens up - which ironically, was taken down since I revealed truthful bullying (and in turn, I suffered the retaliation which ALWAYS happens whenever bullying occurs and the victim reveals it). I have studied this now for about 10 years and even psychologists are just catching up to these patterns. What I almost ALWAYS find is, the victim is the LAST one to be heard or taken seriously. Victims usually are independent and not into 'cliques or groups of supporters.' Which only underscores what I and others in this field are concluding: BYSTANDERS hold the key. The victim did NOT bring this upon her/himself. S/he may REACT to the bullying, but the bully is so good as making the victim sound 'at fault' that others just dismiss it as a 'conflict of personality.' We must look at who began the bullying. Great lens!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      bullys are cowards

    • ChrisDay LM profile image

      ChrisDay LM 6 years ago

      This is a very important lens, with a vital message for society. If we condone bullying, we are all guilty!

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Dear skiesgreen, Thank you so very much for featuring my lens "Bullies at Work." As it is Christmas eve with a "little one," I will need to come back to participate in your lens and read it in further detail. Here's hoping that you, me and many others will make a difference in the world...especially for our children. Take Good Care, Rose

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      JewelRiver 7 years ago

      Well I have a page actually on non-violence that I think sums up a lot of what you are saying. However, I believe that conflict resolution skills can deter bullying. I also believe that some people are just mean spirited and do want to hurt others no matter how much info you supply them with about bullying. I believe the most important thing is to learn how to defend yourself.

    • Kittenium profile image

      Kittenium 7 years ago

      "Men are good at bullying women and constantly putting them down with derisive remarks, ridicule and control."

      I don't think it's just men who does this. Although you did address that women are bullies, I could not help but feel that you have made men majority of the bully when women are just as capable of bullying.

      Nevertheless, it's true that no one should ever be a victim of bullying. They must stand up for themselves and not let the bullies continue on.

    • Kittenium profile image

      Kittenium 7 years ago

      "Men are good at bullying women and constantly putting them down with derisive remarks, ridicule and control."

      I don't think it's just men who does this. Although you did address that women are bullies, I could not help but feel that you have made men majority of the bully when women are just as capable of bullying.

      Nevertheless, it's true that no one should ever be a victim of bullying. They must stand up for themselves and not let the bullies continue on.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 7 years ago from Canada

      I think those adventures are best left in my past. I have noticed though that the trend to be cruel seems to be rising even in adults. I hope and pray this trend ends soon.

    • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

      MargoPArrowsmith 7 years ago

      Stephan King's novel "IT" is an important book on the subject. There were both school bullies and supernatural bullies. The message was that when the adults stop noticing and caring it gets really bad. After reading it I was in a bad neighboring and broke up some bullying. The people around me said that I was nuts, but nothing happened to me. However, I was on adrelene.

    • Sylvestermouse profile image

      Cynthia Sylvestermouse 7 years ago from United States

      I can't and don't disagree with anything you have written here. Bullies are a huge problem in our society. As you have pointed out, they always have been. As far as being bullied, I suspect we have all been bullied in one way or another. It is usually a "gentler" individual who is bullied because it is perceived that they will not fight back. As I think over the times that I have seen bullies in action, I try to examine the people who stood back and watched it happen too. I think we are often caught off guard and are not sure how to respond ourselves. As with most attacks, it is imperative to have a plan of action before the attack. In the instances of spousal abuse or child abuse, these individuals and their options are often quite limited. As you have said, the people around them don't always even see what is happening. Victims are most often further victimized or laughed at when they try to tell their story. As one person, there is little we can do. As a group we do have a voice. It is imperative that we stand up for one another. Yes, I know, then we are often perceived as the bullies because we are several against one. We each know our own hearts and minds. The question we must ask ourselves is "was I at fault in any way?" If the answer is no, than carry on. If the answer is "yes", then we must address our own actions and rectify the situation.

      You are also quite right. There are bullies on Squidoo and in any other area where there are groups of people. When we see it, we must step in and answer. As a child, I was taught to ignore them, they would go away. It has been my experience that that is not true. They just get worse. Silence is not the answer.

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      Oosquid 7 years ago

      An interesting lens and very thought provoking. Bullying is a scourge and quite prevalent in this world. From my own experience, I can't agree that lower economic class men are the only bullies. Bullies can be found throughout society, both men and women.

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      kimmanleyort 7 years ago

      I applaud you for your sharing your thoughtfulnobservations and research on how to recognize a bully. Unfortunately bullies can very easily make us believe we have done something wrong. Thank you for featuring my lens on teaching kids compassion.

    • Amy Fricano profile image

      Amy Fricano 7 years ago from WNY

      prosecuting them. sentencining after conviction...we need intervention before they get far enough along to see me.

    • jptanabe profile image

      Jennifer P Tanabe 7 years ago from Red Hook, NY

      Good job on profiling bullies. It does seem they have low self esteem and bully others to protect themselves when they feel threatened. So I guess the solution is to help them find other ways to feel good about themselves.

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      anonymous 7 years ago

      Well done. An important issue. I hope this lens gets lots of traffic.