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Profile of a Bully

Updated on November 30, 2014

Bullying Follows a Pattern

Being the subject of many a bully's taunts and harassment over the years the thing that strikes me is the pattern into which they fall. Many blame poor education and being of a lower socio-economic background which is just not the case.

They come from all walks of life and often the most priviledged are the worst of bullies and they expect others to curtail to their whims and wiley ways. Many are unaware or simply unable to stop the behaviour which may have started almost from birth. Like most intelligent kids my first brush with bullies came while in infants school.

In fact it started my very first day there at the age of just four and a half. The school frightened me because there was something about the nuns that brought flashbacks, probably from my previous life. I was terrified is more to the point when a certain nun pounced on me. She turned me upside down and in front of the whole class smacked me hard on my bottom several times because I did not want to go into the room and was bawling my eyes out to go home. As soon as she let go I was off and two senior girls were sent after me but I could outrun them.

Collapsing in my Nana's driveway, less than five minutes away for this speedster, my dear auntie put her head out of the window and called the girls off. They had caught up and were now lying on top of me. It took some talking me around before I would go back there. To my credit I did manage to kick the nun hard in the shin before I left.

What Provokes a Bully?

Is there any defence?

A small child being beaten upside down by a nun in front of a class of pupils is unforgivable. In fact any beating of a child is unforgiveable. Yet it happens every day and in all societies. But a nun?

Over the years I took profiles of bullies and examined their background, life style, situations and friends. It is very revealing, Most have low self esteem, are insecure for one reason or another, are not high achievers and they like to ridicule and put down anyone who is 'better' than they are in the eyes of society.

They feed off others who, like themselves, fit the same pattern. Together they build power among themselves and can become a strong force, such as certain bikie gang members, like the Hell's Angels, or the Mafia. They are rarely alone in their day and may often be surrounded by or in contact with others who, in turn, feed off the same tools while electing one as a leader. Their conscience, if they have one, is eased by the laughter and joy they get through the pain of their victims.

They usually have a support base where they can spin a yarn or two about their activities and be completely exonerated, even praised for their deeds. Their victims usually include defenceless people, children, animals and even entire countries. Some are so clever at their evil that they can become leaders and starve, murder, grow rich and win a place in history.

Among such people we should list Hitler, Constantine (Roman Emperor), Idi Amin, Mugabe, Sadam Hussain and many others that are either still alive or whom history will remember as tyrants.

How Many Bullies Do You Know? - How many victims?

They are in all walks of life from work situations to kindergarten, from the home to the street, from the school to the parlow and from the internet to forums.

Have you or someone you know been victimised by a bully?

yes

yes

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    • OneSavvyMama 4 years ago

      Yes, I was married to one.

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Yes, I've known victims of bullying. When I was young and as an adult with girlfriends who were abused and bullied them. I am always the one stepping in, is very sad. Thanx for shining the light on this subject.

    • Vikki 4 years ago from US

      Seem to be growing--sadly.

    • Aunt-Mollie 4 years ago

      Unfortunately, the world is full of them and they always crawl up from their pit and make their presence known. But they will reap what they have sown.

    • justmelucy 4 years ago

      Yes in a Domestic Abuse situation

    • Miha Gasper 5 years ago from Ljubljana, Slovenia, EU

      Sure, they are everywhere.

    • RuralFloridaLiving 5 years ago

      Yes...

    • Drake McSherry 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      I was bullied throughout my school days and it really takes a toll on you as a child and then when your an adult as your inner child as well. I'm glad more people today are taking action against bullies and giving a voice to those that had/have none.

    • nelchee 5 years ago

      I've been bullied as a kid before I learned how to brush it off.. it's difficult to be a polite kid among a bunch of kids who only know to entertain themselves by putting down others.

    • reasonablerobby 5 years ago

      Yes, in the workplace. First a charm offensive to build your reliance trust and faith then....bam unreasonable requests, rudeness and undermining of reputation. These are very sad, talentless people who have to blow your candle out to make their appear brighter.

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      Yes, and its not any fun at all. But, what goes around comes around. And, I just keep on doing good good deeds.

    • dannystaple 5 years ago

      I've known bullying - and I've definitely seen them in more than one place.

    • Pam Irie 5 years ago from Land of Aloha

      Yes, and it made me so mad. I felt helpless because the school officials basically did nothing about it.

    • Psycho Free Zone 5 years ago from USA

      I've known a few.

    • girlfriendfactory 5 years ago

      Unfortunately, too many people. I tend to be the one trying to help them stand up for themselves or I step in if necessary. I was picked on as a kid, but not what I would call bullied - kids like to tease me because I would do something and they liked to see if they could get me to react. I've since learned not to react to such tactics but it wasn't overly harmful just silly, though still a minor form of harassment but part of growing up.

    • WriterJanis2 5 years ago

      My youngest son was, but no longer.

    • mrkensworld 5 years ago

      I would have to say, I know some of both. It is especially a problem in our schools

    • katiecolette 5 years ago

      It really upsets me that bullying starts as early as in kindergarten. And it's not easy for the young kids to find the right way to handle bullies....

    • Godsgraciousgift 5 years ago

      I am glad that you are helping make people aware of this problem. It is very wrong to bully another person.

    • goo2eyes lm 5 years ago

      my little brother bullied me when we were young.

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      Did I let them get to me know, you meet these people through all walks of life and what you have said is correct they a poor pathetic excuses for human beings

    • pawpaw911 5 years ago

      Yes, and it is always a terrible thing.

    • David Dove 5 years ago

      yes

    • TheHealthGuy LM 5 years ago from U.S.A.

      Yes, my daughter when she was in middle school but she handled it quite nicely, she kicked the kids (male) %$^. Her mother and I had to meet with a school counselor, the kid she pummeled and the kids parents.

      I enjoyed it.

      I was able to publicly praise my daughter for a job well done while also getting the opportunity to chat with the kids dad.

      My daughter was never bothered again. :-)

    • sherel57 6 years ago

      I am a teacher and I see it everyday. Aggressive children syndrome is what some schools are labeling it but it bullies.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      from the start i was being so much scared. wherever i go voices were screaming like she was telling your own novel. Of course for them its your fault

      they were denying theirseleves and putting curtains on their issue (they do have issues worst than yours) im only 16 yrs old student but bullies were those oldies who were having a low self esteem and qualities of life. Enviousness is one of their major problems of bullying, second is bad experience in life. They think your emotions are under control. so they only want you being stressed and fear and they were happy to see you like that. all i know is whatever you do your always holding the RIGHT dont be afraid to face them so they dont think that you like them bully you.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      i was bullied from 1 and a half year now, until some of my friends knew about it and said "why dont you fight for justice"?

      i replied i was having a few thinkings on how to make them put tapes on their mouths. Anyway bullies has so many versions, 2 types as well the ones that ENTERTAIN- laughing at you and listening from news from others

      and the ones that OBSERVE- the ones who follows you and gives the info from the ENtERTaINER.

      i heard one of them and says- loosers are getting increase in number now, all im doing everyday is pretending that im not the one they bully even though just a fake. whoever is bullied verbally lets talk about it felicity041495@yahoo.com... be friends dont loose hope

    • JackNimble 6 years ago

      Yes I had my share of bullies try and pick on me in school. Lucky for me my mom gave me tons of love and told me to never let anyone treat me bad so I stuck up for myself and others who were not strong enough to stand up for themselves. I did get in a few fights due to this, but the only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them, in my opinion.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      I ran into bullies as a child. I think they're budding sociopaths.

    • Ruthi 6 years ago

      Yes, I have been bullied, but even worse, I have seen others being bullied by the same tyrant(s) and it is just horrible. I remember in grade school a boy being severely and relentlessly abused by the "bully gang" in the school. Eventually I befriended the boy and will never forget Frank. More currently, I've been bullied by a love one and have watched him destroy years long friendships and relationships by bullying many ... it is a sad shame what he says and does to others. And, it is a sad shame I must now love this person from a distance.

    • writerkath 6 years ago

      Oh, I was bullied. It was horrible, and it took me years to get over it. Because the bullying happened in 7th grade by some girls who were very athletic (I was extremely nearsighted and NOT athletic), and then made fun of from then on, I felt scarred throughout the rest of my high school years. Actually, to this very day, I have not attended any reunions or visited my old school. I am very thankful that I was able to put this all behind me - and I probably WOULD now go to a reunion if it was close by, since I am no longer intimidated by people like that... All has been forgiven, and my life is now one of peace and harmony.

    • hlkljgk 6 years ago from Western Mass

      yes. and bullying is so cowardly.

    • June Parker 6 years ago from New York

      Yes, many years ago I had to fire one at work. After several warnings about the harassment, she physically attacked another woman at work. She is lucky the other woman did not file assault charges against her.

    • Chris-H LM 6 years ago

      Yeah. It's good to stand up to them. It's a shame that this seems to be part of the human condition. I stick up for others whenever possible however ultimately the victim must find the strength to stand up for themselves. That's the only way to move forward in my opinion.

      My son was bullied until he and I began taking martial arts together. After that no one messed with him. It's not that he ever fought with anyone after he started martial arts--rather it was the confidence he gained by personally experiencing that he could get punched or knocked down in class and he could shake it off and keep sparring.

      That confidence showed in his bearing and the fact that he no longer backed down from bullies. And almost as if by magic no one bothered him again.

      He and I both earned our Black Belts (eventually) and he went on to be head student at the martial arts school we attended. He taught class on a regular basis and was well loved and a role model for the other students there. It made a huge difference in his life.

    • LadyFlashman 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Yes, my little brother and he is still deeply scarred by it now - he was bullied at 15 and he is now 28.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      Yes, myself and my son.

    • sunsetsunrise lm 6 years ago

      Yes, in many different ways. It is power game that bullies want to play. Because they don't really like themselves, they try to demean others so as to feel better about themselves.The more emotionally vulnerable their victims are, the more excited they get.

    • LouisaDembul 6 years ago

      Not myself, but people very dear to me. It is awful.

    • Lisa Auch 6 years ago from Scotland

      A few too many!

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      I was married to one.

    • hayleylou lm 6 years ago

      I was bullied at school. I saw my younger brother being bullied by a girl 4 years older than him, stepped in and then got bullied by a gang of about 6 girls. I just ignored them, but it was not nice.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      I was bullied at school and in the workplace. Three of my four children have also been bullied, one of them seriously. However, the knowledge I have amassed about this dreadful problem has now helped me to deal with it.

      I have also learned how to be assertive (in the true sense of the word) - having learned that one of the biggest barriers to assertiveness is fear of the consequences. I dont care what the bullies think, which means that any power that they may have had over me, evaporates and makes me more powerful and more in control of what I will and wont allow.

    • I-sparkle 6 years ago

      Yes.

    • resabi 6 years ago

      I've seen bullying but haven't really experienced it myself. I worked in the school system for a bit and saw children bullying and had to mediate that (without myself bullying the bulliers -- tricky). It's ugly no matter where it happens or at what level.

    • resabi 6 years ago

      Yes, I've seen bullying.

    • darciefrench lm 6 years ago

      Yes, my reputation is currently being compromised by someone falsely claiming to be a victim (falsely because it is due to their own actions that loss has been perceived to occur). Falsehood eventually self-destructs of its own accord- no bully ever finds true success.

    • Alfiesgirl LM 6 years ago

      Crikey, I know a few bullies who at times have made me become a hermit, not writing on squidoo n my nother blogs etc. I withdraw for a couple of months untill their bullish taunts arn't with me any longer n then I come back n write once again untill...they start again usually. They are only online bullies though & although they don't scare me, they manage to strip my confidence in my writing, my conversations, critiques etc. Were I to come face to face with any one of them in the real world I would be able to handle it better than I seem to be able to online...strange I know but hey...I become so suspicious of everyone Ithat I have to step-back else I wouldn't be able to tell who is who as I know that one of them at least has more than one online identity...who's to know if they've more...every single person becomes that one person & I cannot trust anyone. I am not a timid, wallflower out here but on here I feel like a kid at times....Love Today x

    • Stonecutter 6 years ago

      Yep! Superintendent at my job was a bully. Bullied us at work, bullied his own family, pretty much everyone. Eventually the stress started to affect my health, my home life, and my marriage. Had to make a choice between the job and the rest of my life. Not to hard to choose on that one. I stood up to him and was fired on the spot. Happiest day of my life!

    • sousababy 6 years ago

      I have been bullied within my family, workplace and yes, on Squidoo. And, I have never even been to the forums. Twice, I seriously considered leaving Squidoo because of the harassing posts and actions of only a few unethical lensmasters. In school, luckily, I was NOT bullied nearly as much. I am sorry that you were.

    • Arquinn 6 years ago

      I know a lot of bullies way back in elementary to high school

      Those who are being bullied, eventually bully the ones who can't bully them and so on

      Bullies are people who are just looking for attention and love. Most of these people just wanted their parents to correct them so that they can feel their parents' love & concern

      There is always a reason behind being a bully and being bullied; parents should look after their children very well

      Nice lens by the way :-)

    • James Jordan 6 years ago from Burbank, CA

      As a child I was tormented because I had curly blonde hair. I still do but it now is from a bottle of bleach! I used to devise all kinds of plans to avoid them at all costs. Rolling up into a ball and crying. Playing with the girls instead. Focussing on school work and the teachers. But when they would not stay away, I would protect myself. One time a bully was picking a girl I was friends with and that did it. I went up and told him to stop and then he started chanting curly curly girlie girlie and I lost it. I threw him under the merry go round we were on and he got stepped on by the kids running around. After that I didn't have trouble until we moved. But later in life I would run into more and more. I tried to be polite and all that but found I had to make myself an undesireable target. I would try to beat them back or in my teens I just became odd and embraced the eighties dieing my hair and wearing make up to scare them off. Now I am a normal member of society and work in corporate off ice and own my own business. They are still here and you just have to be direct with them and not back down. They will usualy just move on to the weaker people. But you cannot let them indisciminately attack. You must also protect and show others how to have more confidence. Thanks for this lens. I wish I had read it when I was younger!

    • Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      Unfortunately far too many.

    • Deb Kingsbury 6 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

      I saw it a lot growing up, mostly in Junior High and High School. I was usually not the one bullied, and I never was a bully, but I often felt helpless about what to do to help the victim.

    • blue22d 6 years ago

      Now, can't think of one but had a few I my childhood. My mother told me never to start a fight but never not defend myself. In grammar school a girl was picking a fight with me, taking my jacket, being a pest. She hit me, I tried to kick her in the leg and missed and kicked to high (groin). Me, my mom and the girl and her mom all ended up in the principal's office. She never picked on me again.

    • Kylyssa Shay 6 years ago from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA

      I was bullied by more people than I can count, from a few weeks after starting school to the last job outside of the home that I worked at. My last therapist said it was because I'm autistic. She said that autistic people put off body language that draws bullies to them. The bullies sense weakness and so they move in to exploit it.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      I was as a child in primary school. Then when we all got into High School there was one particular girl everyone was terrified of. What a legacy. Leaving terrified kids in your wake.

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      • anonymous 3 years ago

        Yes

      • anonymous 3 years ago

        Yes

      • marckq 6 years ago

        no, but I fear the day my kids encounter one.

      • GoldenChile 6 years ago

        I've never experienced severe bullying. Everything I have tolerated has been mild hazing and pretty much an essential component to my character building experience in school. But fortunately I have always been willing to back up the ramblings of my motormouth with violence because one party will eventually run our of words and will raise a violent fist in order to compensate. That person was never me.

        BUT everyone has their own subjective threshold for abuse. What I see as mild hazing that inspires me to retaliate may feel like unbearable bullying to others. This is why I have so much mixed emotion about the assertion that bullying is an integral part of everyone's journey into adulthood and that those "weak" enough to succumb to this culling mechanism needed weeding out to begin with. Social Darwinism = Bad Darwinism. How do you determine how much bullying (with the infinite varieties of temperament and infinite forms of bullying in existence,) if any, will have beneficial long-term results? And for whom?

        Tough subject. So it demands having a very open mind if we hope to understand every facet of it. I never had much of an interest in it till recently so thanks for turning me onto a subject that isn't as back and white as I'd though.

      • GetSillyProduct 6 years ago

        not lately, but there were a few back in my school days that everyone tried to avoid

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        I suppose I am blessed, I have never had a problem with a bully, even in High School, and I don't know of any one that has. Sure there were kids that thought they were cool or tough but I was never picked on. Thank goodness, because it is a horrible way to have to live, I am sorry for all of you who have been bullied.

      The Profile of A Bully

      What makes him/her tick

      The bullies I have known, including an x-husband, had duel personalities. They display calm, charm and good intentions to others while to their victims they are cruel, destructive, deceitful, vindictive, shallow and undermining of all the other's works. They worm their way in with their charm but their sting is full of poison and they are out to get you. Beware who you sleep with!

      It is this double standard that tricks people into not believing the victims when they try to speak out. They are silenced by the confusion. The bully has exceptional verbal skills and can outmanoeuver their prey in times of conflict.

      Bullies are impassioned compulsive liars who will make up anything to suit their needs at the moment. The captive knows this and is told in no uncertain terms what will happen if he/she escapes or turns on the predator. He builds up the picture of horror which is terrifying enough to make even the most miserable life in his presence bearable.

      According to Wikipedia bullies are "often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic and unusually skilled". They state plausibly what others want to hear thus suucking up to them. They also display a good sense of humour and laugh spontaneously to throw people off their guard by making wisecracks or jokes and portraying themselves as nice to know.

      Bullies are untrustworthy and unreliable, usually unable to complete a task or they do it poorly. They tend to make an effort but all the while with an eye on engaging someone else to do it for them at no cost to themselves. They fit the role of dictator perfectly and are able to control their victims thoughts, beliefs and actions with compulsive force.

      Bullies also have a compulsive need to criticise while never giving credit or praise and acknowledgement to others for their achievements, or their existence. They are also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit another who calls him/her to account while they, in turn, demand praise and attention for whatever they do.

      Without a doubt they are spiritually dead although they may cling to a religious belief or affiliation as a cover for what they have not got. They are also generally mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty while displaying a mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy mind. They are also greedy, selfish and a parasite that bleeds victims dry before they move on to another. Their charm quickly opens another door to another victim.

      They believe strongly in their quality as leaders and fraudulently claim to have qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations that are at least ambiguous, misleading, or make-believe. They gain strength from violent movies, games, pronography and anti-social connections. They operate behind one's back to outmanoeuvre the ones they fear or who are a threat to their actions.

      Their greatest weapons are the promises they make which will never be fulfilled. They are always going to make life better for their victims, always promising the world while taking everything they can squeeze out of the arrangement, but when the chips are called in they may also turn to murder or suicide to escape the consequences.

      Typical bullies of this nature are leaders like Mugabe, Saddam Hussein and others who deprive their people of necessities, such as food, while they build up their own wealth and defence forces to ward off interference from the outside world. North Korea is another case in point where successive bullies have imprisoned the people and forced obedience through such control. There are many more countries in the same fix and who can forget what happened to Tibet and Cambodia while in Burma (Myanmar) the democratically elected leader, Aung San Suu Kyi, has been a prisoner for some 20 years while milirary dictators rule.

      Killing many thousands of their own people is also typical of such tyrants. Hitler killed millions as did Stalin and Constantine while Hussein would shoot his best friend dead for practically nothing if it suited him.

      Cyber Bullies - They are also here in Squidoo

      Someone has been attacking me in the forums here for no clear reason and others have believed her. The feelings it brings up knowing that this person is out to get me is awful but I choose to ignore her posts in threads because I do not want to add fuel to the fire. She is a bully and what she is doing will come back to haunt her in the Spirit's time.

      How Much Should We Allow Without Censorship? - Should we push for control over what others do?

      Should Networking sites and forums be censored

      yes

      yes

      Submit a Comment

      • Aunt-Mollie 4 years ago

        Perhaps 'moderated' is a better word.

      • reasonablerobby 5 years ago

        I have direct experience of this with a local community forum. Firstly I believe in free speech but not the freedom to abuse. Secondly we have the law of the land to protect against libel and slander. Thirdly participants should have their communication moderated to prevent trolling, in particular personal attacks. Personal abuse rather than taking issue with the 'issue' should be censored. Its analogous to using bad language in contexts where it would cause offence in the real world, Im sure we would all ask the perpetrator to desist.

        Ultimately the clue is in the title - social networking - if its anti social then it aint social so it should be removed.

      • SiochainGraSonas 5 years ago

        To some extent yes, I believe that there should be some censorship. I have seen outright lies on some of the social networking sites that are attempts to harm others, maybe it is bullying, envy (with the intent to harm) or envy (benign) or jealousy. When people are attemting to bully and harm others it needs to be addressed. It if isn't intentionally meant to harm, then most people will gladly correct their error.

      • anonymous 5 years ago

        I say yes I think that we should not be subjected to material that we are not interested in, things like race related issues, should be censored, I know of one person who is a friend of mine who had to make her face book private because some readers found out that she was from Iran, I wont go on any more but there are a lot of things that happen on social network sites, that shouldn't be allowed, so if that has to be censored then so be it

      • I-sparkle 6 years ago

        Yes. I just do not agree with the abuse that people can inflect under the excuse of "free speech"

      • sousababy 6 years ago

        Dear Margo,

        Oh but we cannot BAN someone from being a Fan of ours NOR from posting harassing / bullying comments to our Squid casts. I know first hand, for I have had someone re-join my Fan Club (who I totally removed myself from his/her Fan Club and any favoriting, etc). And, this lensmaster even stated, 'S/he rejoined my fan club to monitor my posts.' Posts to Squid casts are open for all to see UNTIL you log on and only then you have the option to VIEW or DELETE. (After having someone do this to me 8 times AND even expose my real legal name - for potentially millions to view). And still, this person exists in my Fan Club? This person also had the nerve to call ME paranoid? True, it drives bullies nuts to be ignored, but we do not have ALL the BAN options (yet) that we need and deserve. (But then again, who could've predicted this immature behavior when designing the Squidoo platform)?

      • ChrisDay LM 6 years ago

        I think there should be moderation (rather than strict censorship) from above - even if only because the power of cyber-bullying can be devastating and all-pervading. A victim can suffer without anyone else realising it. Anyone seen to be committing this sort of behaviour should be warned, then ejected if a repeat occurs.

      • Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

        Absolutely!

      • MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

        Yes, for many things from bullying to those nude photos the girls think are so hip, but can ruin their lives, its like bullying themselves.

      • blue22d 6 years ago

        I hate to say yes, but yes! If someone is threatening someone, then there needs to be consequences, just as there is in other forms of circumstances. Some people think because they can be seen in person, they can get away with things. Just like vandalism. It is pure property destruction not tagging. Call it what it is and provide discipline accordingly!

      • Diana Grant 6 years ago from United Kingdom

        Cyber bullying is getting out of hand. I think some cyber bullies don't even realize they are bullying, and are rather poor at understanding the consequences of their actions.

        I like the idea that there should be no censorship of the internet, but it is impractical, and I do feel websites should be responsible for what is posted on their site, and be subject to control or punishment (fines etc.) if they overstep the mark.

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        It looks like something should be done. If there is a threatening comment on the Internet about someone, it should be taken seriously. Honestly I think the parents should be held responsible for their child's behavior. They should also be punished. Too many parents nowadays have children and just think they raise themselves.

      no

      Submit a Comment

      • Miha Gasper 5 years ago from Ljubljana, Slovenia, EU

        No, censorship never brought any good to our society!

      • Drake McSherry 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

        Where there's a will there's a way, so censorship will not really put a stop it all.

      • dannystaple 5 years ago

        I don't think censorship is the answer. I think a community that outs, names/shames and rejects bullies is a far better way. Communities should be aware that the psychopathic/sociopathic types are among them, and be ready to defend a person from bullying. This is not censorship though - this is community reacting and standing up for its members.

      • TheHealthGuy LM 5 years ago from U.S.A.

        Nothing should be censored. The Constitution doesn't say we have freedom of speech except for this or that. Once people and the law start srewing around with our liberties, we lose liberty and that is a total slap in the face to those who have bled and died on the field of battle so that you or I have the right to say what we want, to do, to live, to seek a life of liberty and pursue happiness.

        I believe that if you are bullied you need to take that bully and give them a swift, aggressive attidtude adjustment. Don't expect a cop your your boss or your teacher to take care of the problem.

        Saddle your own horses and stomp your own snakes and leave our liberties alone. There are way to many people seeking to expunge the liberties we enjoy. We don't need more doing so.

      • JackNimble 6 years ago

        As long as someone is not hurting someone else then we should not censor speech or action, but once someone steps over that line we need to do something. If it is physical harm then there are laws to cover that, but if it is speech it is hard because you can't preach tolerance and then be intolerant of people with views that you do not like. Unfortunately, if we want free speech then we have to allow for speech that we disagree with even if it is intolerant such as racist speech. I prefer freedom over restricted thought.

      • hlkljgk 6 years ago from Western Mass

        i don't think censoring would work. but i think it really starts with teaching children to grow up to understand respect.

      • June Parker 6 years ago from New York

        I don't believe in censorship.

      • GetSillyProduct 6 years ago

        no, there are reporting tools and moderators for a reason, people just need to realize that those tools are there to help them if they are being cyber bullied

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        Its tough to be a target when all you've done is wish others well and work hard to do the best you can. I've had to bite my tongue until it bleeds to not fuel a fire or two. The poison still stings but Its not my problem but there's and its almost impossible to make peace with these people other than to keep your peace at time. I don't understand these venomous people at all.

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        There's a difference between monitoring and censoring. I do not think the truth should be suppressesd, but the problem is that some people's definition of speaking the truth is different to others. Should we speak the truth knowing that it could hurt another individual?

        I have seen some very misplaced pronouncements by people saying they are only speaking the truth, but could not help wondering if it was a lot more personal than that.

        The interpretation of what other people say and do is generally coloured by whether we like them or not.

      • darciefrench lm 6 years ago

        I've been bullied/harassed/attacked for inquiring about or speaking the truth, more often than not. There's a new way to scam it seems- and that's when the perpetrator falsely claims to be the victim. Pretty sly.

      • Alfiesgirl LM 6 years ago

        As I said above, many bullies online have more than the one identity, I feel safer when I know where they are and using a name I am familiar with. If stricter censorship were imposed online on forums, social networking etc...they just go underground for a day or two then her presto they re-emerge & go out of their way to befriend the very people who they were bullying, like a good mate in the afternoon, and the public enemy number one in the evening, maybe even another identity during the silly o'clock hours. I used to chat to many people but now keep my voice strictly for my writing ventures, I do critique a lens every so often , and try to give healthy criticism if they have requested a critique, but I am always polite and helpful, after a critiqe of someones lens giving healthy criticism I then get worried sick that I have been too healthy in my criticsm and once again I become my own worse enemy and keep myself to myself again... I would hate to think that anything I might have said has offended, worried or affected someones spiritual well-being ...x

      • MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

        Isn't it moderation when we can just not publish any bullying comment? In fact, there is also a 'ban' button which would mean we don't even have to see comments from bullies. No one can put anything on your lenses that you haven't seen.

      Social Networking - The strength and its weaknesses

      Through these sites one can quickly post information that is instantly read by thousands of people, many of whom may be criminals, bullies, abusers, pedophiles or anti-social people. The Internet is the two way radio of yesterday only now it is faster, more available and much easier to use. Bullies can drum up support from others in an instant, can target a victim, threaten, control and maintain fear through it. If you are online - BEWARE!

      Anti Social Personality Disorder APD

      And the Serial Bully

      You will recognise him from his actions. Control freak, charming, constant criticism, nit picking, manipulative, specialist in intimidation and always needing others to feed his many moods. One day charming and supportive, the next acting like the world just caved in.

      "The bully selects their target using the following criteria:

      * bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors

      * being good at your job, often excelling

      * being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)

      * more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear

      * being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (ie you get more attention than the bully)

      * having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise

      * having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)

      * having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited

      * being too old or too expensive (usually both)

      * refusing to join an established clique

      * showing independence of thought or deed

      * refusing to become a corporate clone and drone"

      Jealousy may be a trigger but it is more likely to be the bully's lack of abilities that cause the reaction.

      Intelligence is a funny thing. I believe we are born with it while others think that learning and acquiring skills is the source. But the brain is the decider. How much one can think and do is not limited to one's sex or education but simpy to the ability of the mind to solve problems.

      When I look at a puzzle for the first time my mind examines all the possibilites of resolving it until an answer is found. The bullies brain turns to mush and he/she will look to steal ideas from others to make it look like they have come up with the solution, thereby, gaining rewards they are not entitled to. But don't try to protest unless you have evidence because they have covered themselves well. They can easily work out how to defeat you. They will plagiarise, steal, deride and undermine the original solver of the problem, therefore, so they gain the advantage. History is full of this type of bullying whereby women, for example, have lost out to men who take their ideas and run with them.

      Men are good at bullying women and constantly putting them down with derisive remarks, ridicule and control. They use the ideas of women to climb to the top and are on executive boards and in parliaments where they usually just take without giving much back. If they have a good woman behind them then they are well on their way to success. You know the adage "behind every good man . . . "

      Why Be a Victim?

      Can one escape the torment?

      When one is subjected to constant ridicule and intimidation they loose power to retaliate, to remove themselves from the situation, and they usually withdraw while thinking that society does not want them.

      In a recent case in Australia a woman was acquitted of murdering her husband because he was a bully. Not only was he controlling her every move and thought but outwardly appeared to be a wonderful husband and provider, In the home he frequently bashed her demanded all types of things from her, separated her from her friends and in a final act of sheer savagery told her he was going to kill one of their children.

      He demanded that she tell him which one to kill and he nominated a day when it would take place and marked it on a calendar. As the day drew ever closer she somehow managed to acquire a gun that she was able to pay someone to get for her. That night she put some sleeping pills in his tea or coffee and when he was asleep in bed she shot him twice through the temple. But that did not kill him outright and it took him some time to die from loss of blood.

      No one in her family or his ever suspected or knew of the abuse and terror she was going through but their children did and they verified the torment and hate he perpetrated against their mother. In fact, his family is demanding that she go to jail for the crime.

      So why didn't she escape? Because he told her that if she walked out of the marriage he would come after her, chase her down and kill her and the kids. This is the control that such people exercise over their victims. It is not only themselves that appear to be in danger but other loved members of their family.

      In another case recently in Victoria, Australia, a man deliberately drove his car off the road into a dam and drowned his three young children to get back at his wife. He had access for the week-end and on the way home, with the youngest one just 2 years old, he contrived this act. The woman in question lost her entire family in one blow by a bully that she had escaped from. But she did not escape because she will suffer the pain and wear the guilt for the rest of her life. Unfortunately the courts award custody to bullies and do not listen to claims of harassment unless there is absolute proof.

      In another recent case a man returning his young daughter from an access, stopped in the middle of a major bridge in Melbourne and tossed the girl over. She crashed onto the cement at the base of the pilon and was killed instantly. These cases, heard around the same time in Victorian courts, demonstrate that the bullies believe the law can't or won't touch them and that they are free to carry out their horror with society's blessing.

      Poor Little Girl - Probably in a much better place now.

      Society Plays into the Hands of Bullies

      Movies, music, games, big business and governments

      The bully's power is reinforced through movies that portray men dominating women and children. Through games that show men winning out against the law or stomping over their neighbous's rights, property or family. Through novels and other things that fill the mind with such power and incentive.

      It is escapism that allows the bully to practise his terror in the unreal world of make-believe in which he can be the judge, jury and executioner while excusing his/her own violence and anti-social behaviour. Yet society allows these things and then is horrified when bullies commit their crimes and terrorise others. One can beg all one likes but that won't stop them?

      Women uually bully men over money and security but they rarely get to influence whole countries although they can kill their own children in retaliation agsinst a spouse or partner.

      One night whilst driving along a major Sydney artery towards the city around 10pm the road was almost deserted except for a group of bikies who came up and rode on either side of the car. They then lit crackers and tossed them in front of it so that the thing exploded when the car went over it. If I went fast so did they and if I slowed down so did they. Too scared to stop I prayed for a policeman ro turn up but none did and as I got further in towards the city they pulled away. Did I report them? No!

      What made them do it? Thrills of seeing a young female (which I was at that time) terrorised, at the prospect that the car would explode, was as good as some of the video games are today.

      How many times do we see kids bullying others and filming their acts and placing their videos on U-tube? There are thousands of such cases. Do we object? No!

      What about the violence in music these days? Loud, raucous, violent noise that is ugly to listen to and the artists are even uglier to look at yet these so-called artists are making millions. They have captured the minds of the young who now imitate their idlos and when they don't succeed at being like them may become bullies and even terrorists to others.. It is all a part of sanctioning of bully behaviour while burying the troubles that beset all societies at this time.

      What Should We be Doing to Stop Bullies? - Is there any solution?

      Do you have an answer?

      yes

      yes

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        • Aunt-Mollie 4 years ago

          Catch them in their own trap.

        • anonymous 4 years ago

          I think the solution is don't penalize that victim for standing up for themselves. Reasoning with a bully doesn't solve anything, but taking a textbook that is heavy and can do some damage to their head does.

        • justmelucy 4 years ago

          Circle yourself with professionals family, friends and positive people.

        • Drake McSherry 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

          Family, friends, school, etc... should be aware and listen when told of situations and act on them to prevent more harm from happening. There is so much awareness out in the world nowadays that no one can plead ignorance.

        • dannystaple 5 years ago

          Find ways to surround yourself with the right people, and reject those who aren't. This is harder to do in a smaller town, but in a city the size of London, there are so many good people. I have no time for bullies and simply push them out of my life where I can. They are slightly harder to escape at work - I've seen whole teams days made hell by a single work bully.

        • Psycho Free Zone 5 years ago from USA

          I don't see a clear-cut solution, but we need to raise awareness. We need to know how to spot them, how to protect ourselves and loved ones from them, and they need to be held accountable for their actions.

        • WriterJanis2 5 years ago

          If at school, I think a bully should be reported.

        • goo2eyes lm 5 years ago

          ignore him or her.

        • SiochainGraSonas 5 years ago

          Laws will help some, but mostly we need educations and more parental involvement at young ages. The parents need to be educated, because children learn from observing the behavior of others. The education should be limited to the schools or family, it needs to occur in the workplace as well. There needs to be a zero tolerance for bullying.

        • TheHealthGuy LM 5 years ago from U.S.A.

          I've said it in another post but I'll say it again.

          I believe in frontier justice; a swift, aggressive resolution to the problem.

          The woman who killed her husband did well.

          He violated her rights and threatened her life.

          In the days of the old west when one threatened another it was taken very personally. Bill Hickock immediately killed a man for threatening him. Why wait? He who hesitates - loses.

          The problem is we have become way to civilized.

          Most people expect someone else to handle their problems simply because the law has seen fit to take our rights to protect ourselves from harm and given rights to "crimminals" or they simply lack the guts to stomp their own snakes.

          I doubt that people will agree with me.

          Like I said, everyone is way to civilized.

          Most would allow a gang banger to invade their home while trying to call 911 (hoping a cop will arrive before they are killed) instead of handling the threat with deadly force and simply exterminating a piece of scum like you would step on a cockroach.

          I have been told I am cold and cruel in this regard and maybe I am. I just believe differently than most.

        • sherel57 6 years ago

          First by educating out children to know when they are being bullied and also making aggressive children understand when they are doing the bulling. Young bullies grown up to be adult bullies.

        • JackNimble 6 years ago

          Education and catching kids young while in school. Parents, teachers, and peers can help. I would say most of the time bullies at a young age are just acting out to cover their own insecurities. Oftentimes they do not know how to have healthy relationships with people. This could be caused by a number of reasons, but I would guess some form of stress in the home. My mother taught me at a young age not to judge until you have walked a mile in someones shoes. We had a bully in 5th grade that my mom challenged us to befriend and it was amazing the difference it made and we actually found out he was a pretty nice guy once you got past the wall of defenses.

        • writerkath 6 years ago

          Surely there is a solution. But, do I have the answer? Not really... There are so many things I think about on this topic... Teach kindness and the fact that we are all one. But, not everyone is kind, and not everyone can wrap their heads around the idea of total oneness. For my part, I put as much peace and harmony in thoughts and visualization as I can whenever I hear of bullying and abuse.

        • hlkljgk 6 years ago from Western Mass

          instill in children the simple importance of being kind

        • June Parker 6 years ago from New York

          Quit fanning the fire by ignoring them. With no audience there is no fuel, thus the fire dies out. If they are physically violent, don't ignore, press charges to make they go away.

        • GetSillyProduct 6 years ago

          instill your children with unsquashable self-esteem and self-belief.

        • jlshernandez 6 years ago

          Sometimes, ignoring the bullies is easier said than done. I believe the bullies like to target the weak ones who will not fight back. I never knew how to fight back because I was intimidated.

        • anonymous 6 years ago

          I like what Margo and aj have said here, ignore them and drive them nuts and bystanders, don't just stand by, one word can make a difference.

        • anonymous 6 years ago

          Yes, Margo is right - ignore them. But as Sousababy says, the people who have the power to stop bullying are the Bystanders. Bullies get their kicks by controlling more than just their target. Bystenaders reinforce the control. The minute the Bystanders stop being Bystanders and start to say that the Bully's actions are unacceptable, then the Bully feels isolated.

          That was what finally stopped the girl who was bullying my daughter.

        • I-sparkle 6 years ago

          There is more than one way to do anything. Bullying is a case by case scenario.

        • darciefrench lm 6 years ago

          I go with Margo's answer- ignore them. It only gives them more perceived power to try and help them take personal responsibility for their actions. It seems to be fairly common for bully's, once caught, to turn it around and claim to be victimized. I saw that in my last workplace- the real bully, the one who brought the whole agency down with their demands on coworkers, claimed to be the victim all along. Bullies claiming to be victims.. sounds like a new lens idea.

        • MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

          Ignoring them drives them crazy. In a forum like this, that's very doable.

        • sousababy 6 years ago

          80% of bullying in the workplace, in North America is STILL legal. Bystanders hold the key. When you witness someone else being bullied, you (we) need to help the victim. The victim is too often weakened by the attacks and, in fact, 64% of the best and most skilled workers end up losing their job - either by choice, being constructively 'dismissed' OR for the sake of her/his health. Sadly, the employer loses some of the best talent. Failure to do anything is also a choice . . . a choice which only strengthens the bullies and her/his supporters. Bullies almost never act alone.

        • ChrisDay LM 6 years ago

          It depends upon the circumstances but, if society is determined not to stand for this behaviour, then the victims will be supported.

        • MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

          Adults need to be more aware and intervene

        • blue22d 6 years ago

          Depending on the age, they should be given (1st) warning, secondly some type of fine or jail time.

        • Diana Grant 6 years ago from United Kingdom

          Make sure victims have an opportunity to tell their story and be supported. If necessary local communities should provide safe refuges. In my work as a solicitor I once had cause to visit a client in a women's refuge. It was late at night, and there were quite a few women and children staying there. One of their partners had threatened to come there with a gun, so when I knocked at the door, they were terrified. I had to climb over a stack of mattresses they had put against the front door for protection. It was not far from a police station, but there were no police protecting them. I sat with them for a while, calmed them down and even got them laughing before I left, and went straight to the police to insist that they get someone down there pdq.

          Nowdays police are trained to take domestic violence more seriously, but too many bullies still get away with violence, threats and even murder. Instead of protecting people weaker than them, which you think would be the normal and decent reaction, they prey off them.

          I feel very strongly about this, like you, and have made two lenses on the subject - Forced Marriage, and What Do You Wear to Get Arrested?

          Thanks for this lens which I have lensrolled

        • anonymous 6 years ago

          SWIFT intervention. with SERIOUS consequences

        no

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          • Vikki 4 years ago from US

            I really don't know. I remember being bullied way back when I was young. Now a days, it seem there's lots more social media which makes it worse and there's also a group or gang mentality--which also adds to the problem. We need more people to stick up for people rather than join the beating up of people--emotionally, mentally and phyically.

          • Miha Gasper 5 years ago from Ljubljana, Slovenia, EU

            Until we change the values of society, no.

          • nelchee 5 years ago

            It depends so much on parents themselves I'm not sure any kind of official measures would be effective here.

            If each school had trained psychologists that would handle issues right when they appear, it may work, but right now it's a luxury only some schools have, and issues are often overlooked.

          • anonymous 5 years ago

            I wish I did have an answer, I think that we should be able to do more to protect our children at school and we could do that through legislation. That states that if any child knowingly bullies another child while they are attending school, that the bully will be sent off to a reprogramming centre, to learn how to be a decent human being, so the child in question doesn't grow up to be a total creep.

          • hayleylou lm 6 years ago

            I don't reallt know the answer. It depends on the situation. It's a tough one.

          • resabi 6 years ago

            There is no one answer. Ignoring may work some of the time; standing up to them might work and is certainly preferable if one is strong enough and safe enough (but they pick on vulnerable). Reporting might be necessary in some cases. Stepping in to help someone else who is being bullied (whether directly or by calling in other help) should be striven for. Bully is insidious.

          • Alfiesgirl LM 6 years ago

            I don't think that I'd like to give them the glorification of trying to stop them...they enjoy the chase is my experience & so rather than play into their hands any more than I might have already done, I prefer to remove myself from the situation, at least by doing that I get the satisfaction of knowing that they are looking for me & I am no longer there...they assume that I am like they are & might have changed my online identity & so that they then become the bully to everyone who might sound as I do which I feel bad about, I hate myself for allowing someone else to take my place but hey...sometimes I am at the point of no return & I haven't a choice...It's remove myself or...so I remove myself. x

          • jvsper63 6 years ago

            No I think. They will change only if they want to.

          • kimmanleyort 6 years ago

            I'm not sure what the answer is. There will always be bullies but we need to set an example for our kids and teach them how to stand up for someone else and for themselves.

          • anonymous 6 years ago

            No I don't. There have always been bullies. The thing is that the community as a whole have to stand up to these losers. Bulling today's is not what it was in my day. It is so much worse. Lives are at stake.

          Still images from Dreamstime - click here

          © 2010 norma-holt

          Comments

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            • Lyra Kua profile image

              Lyra Kua 3 years ago

              Stories about bullying makes me feel sad. Sadly, I don't think bullying will be an easy thing to completely eliminate.

            • OneSavvyMama profile image

              OneSavvyMama 4 years ago

              Love this lens. Thank you for doing this

            • mattcut profile image

              mattcut 4 years ago

              I was chased home from school as a child (5th grade) and repeatedly punched and kicked by him - that bully is now dead. He went down a path of self-destruction, taking as many people with him as he could along the way. Actually being a very sweet, but damaged boy, I saw him later in life and saw how vulnerable he was in all actuality. Bullies are crying out for Love, just in an unacceptable way, that's what I tell my little girl

            • mattcut profile image

              mattcut 4 years ago

              Bless you for helping the world become a better place ! Much continued Love & Success, Matthew

            • Tammy69 LM profile image

              Tammy69 LM 4 years ago

              Thanks for the great read. I have featured your lens on my unacceptable beahviour lens.

            • tomazg profile image

              tomazg 4 years ago

              I had an experience with a bully when I was a child and that was not a great time for me.

            • profile image

              cmadden 4 years ago

              Very interesting, well-done lens.

            • choosehappy profile image

              Vikki 4 years ago from US

              This is one of the best lenses I've ever seen. Seriously.

            • CoolFool83 profile image

              CoolFool83 4 years ago

              Very informative stuff on a sensitive subject. Just too many bullies out there, and it needs to stop.

            • Masterdevin123 profile image

              Masterdevin123 4 years ago

              I love the lens and the animated picture!

            • profile image

              SteveKaye 4 years ago

              Bullies use other people's attempts to protect themselves as justification for their bullying behavior.

            • profile image

              anonymous 4 years ago

              The irony of it is many think it is an essential part of growing bullying and being bullied. I don't think it is needed at all. In colleges, there is another evil doing the rounds, ragging juniors which is equal and analogous to bullying.

            • mihgasper profile image

              Miha Gasper 5 years ago from Ljubljana, Slovenia, EU

              Good points on bullies.

            • profile image

              RuralFloridaLiving 5 years ago

              Thank you for this caring article.

            • surfer1969 lm profile image

              surfer1969 lm 5 years ago

              Nice lens too.

            • surfer1969 lm profile image

              surfer1969 lm 5 years ago

              I know how It feels to be bullied because I had It done to me In school and life before.

            • goo2eyes lm profile image

              goo2eyes lm 5 years ago

              just coming back to bless this beautiful lens.

            • serendipity831 profile image

              Drake McSherry 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

              Thank you for keeping this important subject in the light. :)

            • JJNW profile image

              JJNW 5 years ago from USA

              You have so much good info here. Thanks. *Blessed*

            • profile image

              anonymous 5 years ago

              This is such an important topic, and I think its wonderful how you have gotten so many different people to add their own two cents. Bullies must have a mental illness or something, because I don't get it. ~ Must bless this lens!

            • profile image

              dannystaple 5 years ago

              I am glad to have come across this lens - bullying was something I did have to put up with until I somehow worked out how to stop being a victim of it. Am I over it? Not entirely, but its far from my mind mostly. I've always been a bit nerdy - which kind of made me a target. I think in my adult life, I found out how to surround myself with people like me- although even then I encounter the odd bully. It may be just because I went to the bigger city and escaped some small town small mindedness. I am hoping I can prepare my children to reject bullies, without them becoming bullies themselves. Shame about the videos missing - perhaps you could find replacements - you've also left a workshop link in there too. Blessed.

            • SheGetsCreative profile image

              Angela F 5 years ago from Seattle, WA

              It's unfortunate that bullying has become a part of everyday life, now more than ever. Hopefully that won't always be the case.

            • profile image

              jeremykim2011 5 years ago

              I don't want to remember the days when I was bullied in school. It was awful.

            • WriterJanis2 profile image

              WriterJanis2 5 years ago

              Sorry to hear you were bullied.

            • kislanyk profile image

              Marika 5 years ago from Cyprus

              Great lens. I hate bullies with all my heart!

            • goo2eyes lm profile image

              goo2eyes lm 5 years ago

              nice lens. when someone bullies me, i bully back.

            • SiochainGraSonas profile image

              SiochainGraSonas 5 years ago

              Wonderful lens! Very informative! I am glad to see someone writing about this.

            • profile image

              anonymous 5 years ago

              You covered bullying really well and it was a great article to read, yes I have been bullied, I think that most easy going people get bullied from time to time, when I have been bullied I usually say in my mind "oh this person is an idiot so why am I going to take on board anything that they say", I find that always works well and the bully, is probably thinking why can't I find this persons weak spot, so they don't win, and move on to someone else that they think might be an easy target

            • SeanVernall LM profile image

              SeanVernall LM 6 years ago

              You have done a very thorough job of summing up the key elements of a bully. I have had some experience with these kinds of people and find it frustrating as hell when others can't see through them because of their manipulative behaviour.

            • profile image

              sherel57 6 years ago

              Great article and I voted for you for lens of the day

            • JackNimble profile image

              JackNimble 6 years ago

              As a teacher I am very passionate about this subject and I confront bullying and bullies whenever I catch it happening in school. My heart goes out to both the one getting bullied and the bullies though. I think many bullies if shown love and given some self esteem early on in life they could learn the power of love and kindness. Thanks for sharing.

            • profile image

              anonymous 6 years ago

              I've always believed that a hurtful person is a hurting person. I mean if we were to help people who are bullied might as well help those Bullies themselves. Thanks so much for sharing this. We meet these people basically everywhere not just in school but in our workplaces too. I'm truly enlighten and educated. Thanks so much for taking the time to share it. Great job!

            • profile image

              chrispell017 6 years ago

              very nice lens! nice job

            • JanezKranjski profile image

              JanezKranjski 6 years ago

              The biggest problem with bullies is that their victims don't tell anyone about it and they can continue their bulling.

            • Lady Lorelei profile image

              Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

              Yes I truly believe that these bullies build their ego by putting down someone to make it seem that they are better then the person who they taunt. Maybe it is a form of self enforcement but instead of saying positive affirmations they concentrate on the negative. Sad.

            • profile image

              sabinamiller 6 years ago

              Thanks for sharing such a useful lens....

              --

              Bedroom Furniture

            • hlkljgk profile image

              hlkljgk 6 years ago from Western Mass

              i think bullies are people who feel they have to real voice, so they lash out in frustration. they need help, and cycles need to be stopped.

            • Kailua-KonaGirl profile image

              June Parker 6 years ago from New York

              Norma - Excellent lens. I was so surprised to discover that this is also going on within the realms of Squidoo. It am so saddened to be toppled down off of cloud nine by the realization that we here at Squidoo are NOT all like minded as Giant Squids. Thank you for helping to bring this problem into the light. Unfortunately there is no easy solution. Leaving you with a Squid Angel blessing and added your link from this lens to My Squid Angel Wings blessing lens.

            • profile image

              kimmanleyort 6 years ago

              I've always loved this lens. Could read it over and over.

            • LadyFlashman profile image

              LadyFlashman 6 years ago from United Kingdom

              Thank you for this very informative and interesting lens, bullying is a dreadful thing and it is great you have highlighted the issues here. Congratulations on a very well deserved purple star!

            • falldown2007 profile image

              falldown2007 6 years ago

              Congrats on the purple star. What a very informative lens, bullying as a hole is a huge problem.

            • garyrh1 profile image

              garyrh1 6 years ago

              As a child, I was on both ends of bullying. It probably would have stopped on both sides if there was more reaction by higher ups at school, but they didn't seem to care.

            • profile image

              GetSillyProduct 6 years ago

              Great lens on a very hot topic. Bullying is definitely a problem, society as a whole needs to reject bullying

            • LisaAuch1 profile image

              Lisa Auch 6 years ago from Scotland

              Wel I am outraged! You, my friend, no way...I have not even read the second half of this lens, and you know me, love reading your posts, because I know how you write and I know how painful this is for you. Is it not sad that people need to behave this way. I have a very thick skin, and sometimes I have even watched in horror at some of the behaviour I have seen towards fellow lensmasters, and i have emailed them personally to let them know I am thinking of them/ that it was out of order, and am more shocked at how many now stqy away from the forum! WHY is this allowed to happen. love to you, and I know i would love to see you over in the forum!

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              anonymous 6 years ago

              This is powerful and empowering and impressively done. May all wounds be healed and become facts of the past with no pain attached.

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              anonymous 6 years ago

              @sousababy: Some good points here and yes, it is heartbreaking that the Victims are usually the last people to be taken seriously.

              In any Bullying situation, I often find that once the Bully is confronted, then they are the ones who shout the loudest by trying to twist the truth and paint themselves as the victim. They constantly try to justify themselves and they are so "in your face" as they try every trick in the book to win people over to their side.

              The girl who bullied my daughter goes through a cycle of behaviour: of leaving her alone, then trying to befriend her again and then when that does not work, she tries to convince others that she was the one who was bullied. My daughter just ignores her - but it is still hard at times.

              Bullies never seem to realise that their "tricks" and controlling behaviour gets noticed eventually and when people start to ignore them, they go on a campaign to continue to paint themselves as the victim.

            • hayleylou lm profile image

              hayleylou lm 6 years ago

              This really is a great lens. Shame on that Nun who did that to you ! Blessed by a Squid Angel :)

            • I-sparkle profile image

              I-sparkle 6 years ago

              As a small girl, I was bullied often. One day, I was so scared that I pushed a little boy who had been bothering me in front of a car. It scared both of us--him more though. After that people thought that I was a little crazy. I wasn't bullied so much after that episode. Excellent lens. I hope someone that needs this wonderful advice will find it.

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              inkserotica 6 years ago

              Blessed by a passing paranormal squid angel ;)

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              JoshK47 6 years ago

              Excellent, well-written lens about a serious problem.

            • profile image

              JoshK47 6 years ago

              Excellent, well-written lens about a serious problem.

            • ChrisDay LM profile image

              ChrisDay LM 6 years ago

              Congratulations on that well-deserved Purple Star!

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              resabi 6 years ago

              Clearly written from the heart -- with a lot of good information to back it up. Blessed (oh -- and congrats on the purple star!)

            • ClassyGals profile image

              Cynthia Davis 6 years ago from Pittsburgh

              Blessed by a Squid Angel**

            • darciefrench lm profile image

              darciefrench lm 6 years ago

              Well done lens! A real bully is likely born with a level of consciousness that is based in desire unfulfilled, which breeds anger and the constant need to attack and outsource blame; there is no cure but to walk away from them and not give them any power. Good for you for running from that nun- I was hit on the head with a book in grade 1 for getting up and helping another child- I left and went home too. I made the mistake of giving a bully claiming to be a victim here on Squidoo power by trying to help them see why things went the way they did- it was a waste of time on my part. There are bullies who use the victim stance to gain support from others. Happy St Patrick's Day, with a Lucky Leprechaun blessing -:) Lensrolled to How to Be a Survivor, many thanks.

            • Sylvestermouse profile image

              Cynthia Sylvestermouse 6 years ago from United States

              Adding a kiss for luck on this St. Patrick's Day!

            • VarietyWriter2 profile image

              VarietyWriter2 6 years ago

              Blessed by a SquidAngel :)

            • sheriangell profile image

              sheriangell 6 years ago

              Great work you are doing here Norma. Squid Angel blessed today.

            • jvsper63 profile image

              jvsper63 6 years ago

              Very Good topic. This is something that can follow someone "That has been bullied" around for the rest of their lives..Great lens Joni

            • lollyj lm profile image

              Laurel Johnson 6 years ago from Washington KS

              Oh yes, I know first hand about bullying -- at school, at home, and on the job.

              Most of the bullies I experienced came from a long line of bullies.

              If we see bullying and look the other way, we help perpetuate bad behaviors.

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              anonymous 6 years ago

              To say that you were never bullied is not true, because bullying exists in different walks of life. In my experience, I have encountered Nuns, bosses and teachers who resort to bullying and they even brag about it.

              To bully the small kids and the employees is easy because they are working under you and are sometimes at your mercy. You have the upper hand but think twice before suppressing, things may change and circumstances may force you to be under them in this birth or a future one.

              A great lens that highlights the prevailing evil in our modern society.

            • sousababy profile image

              sousababy 6 years ago

              @Kittenium: Statistically speaking, same gender bullying IS more common (men bully men; women bully women). Based on thousands of participants (WBI and Zogby International), WOMEN are bullies MORE often (bullying other women) in the workplace.

            • sousababy profile image

              sousababy 6 years ago

              @Sylvestermouse: Love your comment, yes I have been told to just ignore it, it will go away. BUT, it never does, the bullying GETS worse. Another common thread I keep hearing is the bully (and his/her supporters) keep telling the vicitm that s/he is 'being paranoid.'

            • sousababy profile image

              sousababy 6 years ago

              Lensrolled to my: Why the "Bad" in Society seem to be Winning, Challenging Conventional Thinking, Doing It Anyway / Bullies at Work, You are doing something right, if people don't like you and Victim Rights = Our Rights, even on Squidoo (100% of any royalities will go directly to the Squidoo Charity Fund). Wonderful job! Thank you for taking up this cause.

            • sousababy profile image

              sousababy 6 years ago

              Wonderful work and I see you have my old bullying lens up - which ironically, was taken down since I revealed truthful bullying (and in turn, I suffered the retaliation which ALWAYS happens whenever bullying occurs and the victim reveals it). I have studied this now for about 10 years and even psychologists are just catching up to these patterns. What I almost ALWAYS find is, the victim is the LAST one to be heard or taken seriously. Victims usually are independent and not into 'cliques or groups of supporters.' Which only underscores what I and others in this field are concluding: BYSTANDERS hold the key. The victim did NOT bring this upon her/himself. S/he may REACT to the bullying, but the bully is so good as making the victim sound 'at fault' that others just dismiss it as a 'conflict of personality.' We must look at who began the bullying. Great lens!

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              anonymous 6 years ago

              bullys are cowards

            • ChrisDay LM profile image

              ChrisDay LM 6 years ago

              This is a very important lens, with a vital message for society. If we condone bullying, we are all guilty!

            • sousababy profile image

              sousababy 6 years ago

              Dear skiesgreen, Thank you so very much for featuring my lens "Bullies at Work." As it is Christmas eve with a "little one," I will need to come back to participate in your lens and read it in further detail. Here's hoping that you, me and many others will make a difference in the world...especially for our children. Take Good Care, Rose

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              JewelRiver 6 years ago

              Well I have a page actually on non-violence that I think sums up a lot of what you are saying. However, I believe that conflict resolution skills can deter bullying. I also believe that some people are just mean spirited and do want to hurt others no matter how much info you supply them with about bullying. I believe the most important thing is to learn how to defend yourself.

            • Kittenium profile image

              Kittenium 6 years ago

              "Men are good at bullying women and constantly putting them down with derisive remarks, ridicule and control."

              I don't think it's just men who does this. Although you did address that women are bullies, I could not help but feel that you have made men majority of the bully when women are just as capable of bullying.

              Nevertheless, it's true that no one should ever be a victim of bullying. They must stand up for themselves and not let the bullies continue on.

            • Kittenium profile image

              Kittenium 6 years ago

              "Men are good at bullying women and constantly putting them down with derisive remarks, ridicule and control."

              I don't think it's just men who does this. Although you did address that women are bullies, I could not help but feel that you have made men majority of the bully when women are just as capable of bullying.

              Nevertheless, it's true that no one should ever be a victim of bullying. They must stand up for themselves and not let the bullies continue on.

            • Lady Lorelei profile image

              Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

              I think those adventures are best left in my past. I have noticed though that the trend to be cruel seems to be rising even in adults. I hope and pray this trend ends soon.

            • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

              MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

              Stephan King's novel "IT" is an important book on the subject. There were both school bullies and supernatural bullies. The message was that when the adults stop noticing and caring it gets really bad. After reading it I was in a bad neighboring and broke up some bullying. The people around me said that I was nuts, but nothing happened to me. However, I was on adrelene.

            • Sylvestermouse profile image

              Cynthia Sylvestermouse 6 years ago from United States

              I can't and don't disagree with anything you have written here. Bullies are a huge problem in our society. As you have pointed out, they always have been. As far as being bullied, I suspect we have all been bullied in one way or another. It is usually a "gentler" individual who is bullied because it is perceived that they will not fight back. As I think over the times that I have seen bullies in action, I try to examine the people who stood back and watched it happen too. I think we are often caught off guard and are not sure how to respond ourselves. As with most attacks, it is imperative to have a plan of action before the attack. In the instances of spousal abuse or child abuse, these individuals and their options are often quite limited. As you have said, the people around them don't always even see what is happening. Victims are most often further victimized or laughed at when they try to tell their story. As one person, there is little we can do. As a group we do have a voice. It is imperative that we stand up for one another. Yes, I know, then we are often perceived as the bullies because we are several against one. We each know our own hearts and minds. The question we must ask ourselves is "was I at fault in any way?" If the answer is no, than carry on. If the answer is "yes", then we must address our own actions and rectify the situation.

              You are also quite right. There are bullies on Squidoo and in any other area where there are groups of people. When we see it, we must step in and answer. As a child, I was taught to ignore them, they would go away. It has been my experience that that is not true. They just get worse. Silence is not the answer.

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              Oosquid 6 years ago

              An interesting lens and very thought provoking. Bullying is a scourge and quite prevalent in this world. From my own experience, I can't agree that lower economic class men are the only bullies. Bullies can be found throughout society, both men and women.

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              kimmanleyort 6 years ago

              I applaud you for your sharing your thoughtfulnobservations and research on how to recognize a bully. Unfortunately bullies can very easily make us believe we have done something wrong. Thank you for featuring my lens on teaching kids compassion.

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              Amy Fricano 6 years ago from WNY

              prosecuting them. sentencining after conviction...we need intervention before they get far enough along to see me.

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              Jennifer P Tanabe 6 years ago from Red Hook, NY

              Good job on profiling bullies. It does seem they have low self esteem and bully others to protect themselves when they feel threatened. So I guess the solution is to help them find other ways to feel good about themselves.

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              anonymous 6 years ago

              Well done. An important issue. I hope this lens gets lots of traffic.