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What happens After You Can't Have Kids
Why not us?
I still remember the day we had the conversation of "trying" like it was yesterday, but it actually was 10 years ago. I also cringe just thinking of the stress it caused or the stress I allowed it to cause. I was probed, cut, observed, and/or advised, what felt like, forever. At the time my mom was still alive and she walked right next to me thru every stage of realizing you won't be having children. Our perspectives changed and we tried remain positive to the very end.
Impatience: At first, all I thought was, "Why am I the only one that is not getting pregnant? Why is it taking so long?" I took my body temperature everyday, I held my legs above my head, I counted my irregular period (by the minutes), kept a calendar of every time we "tried", saw 4 different OB/GYN's and/or stopped eating dairy/coffee. And of course, everyone's response made me even more impatient, "Once you stop thinking about it, it will happen". Really?!?! At that moment, I learned NEVER tell that to someone that is trying to get pregnant!!!! Let's be real, you eat, drink and breath pregnancy apps, websites, procedures, problems, etc. So, not thinking about it was NOT an option, but thanks for your unsolicited advise.
Anger/Jelly: This was the worse stage!! I have been an educator for about 13 years and I see my fair share of injustices. One of those, I thought, was the amount of children some parents had!!! All I want is 1 and these people, that should probably stop at 1, have 3 - 5 kids. Some of them were so terrible with their own kids, it broke my heart. I was angry. I thought it was unfair and not right. Some of the other teachers would plan their pregnancy and boom, they were pregnant. My sister-in-law got pregnant by MISTAKE with our 3rd nephew and we still had NONE! Every where I looked, women were getting pregnant on purpose or by mistake, it was unbelievable. It was like deciding to buy a new car and all of sudden it's the only car you notice on the street.
Premonition: After some years, I stopped counting, tracking and/or holding my legs above my head. I was over it and decided, whatever happens, happens. It is what it is. In my mind, I secretly thought, maybe this is what everyone was talking about, don't think about it, but secretly was still thinking about being pregnant.
Then, my mom got sick. Almost 2 years flew by and I most definitely stopped thinking about babies. My priority was my mom's health and making sure to follow her new diet to lessen the probability of being diagnosed with cancer. When she got ill I realized God ALWAYS knows what he is doing. My sister had 2 kids and was not able to be with my mom 24/7, so I was it. I slept in 3 different hospitals for months and then watched her slip away in my home with Hospice.
After her death, my husband and I thought about the fragility of life. We are here today and gone tomorrow. I thought back on all the time I spent being impatient and angry about not getting pregnant and knew I had wasted quality time. We decided to take a year off and travel thru the USA while my husband started his own business. Needless to say, everyone thought we were crazy and should stay stable at home. Here was our premonition: If we don't have children, let's do everything we couldn't do if we did!!! We've had the best 3 years of our lives.
I now realize there are so many women going thru the same emotions and/or frustrations as I did and it saddens me. We have been blessed enough to have each other in our lives. We support everything we want to do and are each other's biggest fan. Without this strong bond we probably wouldn't have survived the last 15 years.
What did I learn? I learned that we don't always understand circumstances and should never make assumptions. I learned that if you are not pregnant, it doesn't mean your damned or cursed. I learned that every pregnancy is a blessing and should be embraced as such. More importantly, I learned that it wasn't anyone's fault that we didn't get pregnant and it was ridiculous to be angry, jealous, or frustrated at Gods true gift, a baby, whether it was mine or not.
Finally, I learned that the next best thing to your own children are NIECES AND NEPHEWS!!!! We have 5 wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, funny, and the best nieces and nephews in the world!! We are very content with the big jobs of Godparents, uncle and aunt.