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9 Simple Steps to Join the Mile High Club

Updated on February 21, 2012

Efficient Use of Time in The Friendly Skies for Busy Professionals

Because we work with busy professionals at It’s Just Lunch, my clients do spend a lot of time travelling outside of Washington, DC. They travel to US cities as well as other countries around the world. I do hear them complaining quite a bit about the time wasted in the air, going through security, travel to and from the airport etc. Sometimes I have trouble just getting some of my client’s out on dates because of their travel schedule.

With these DC daters in mind, I decided to remind them how not to waste their time in the friendly skies. Soaring high above the ground, some chose to join a certain club, if you know what I mean (wink wink). Higher fuel prices have lead to smaller and smaller cabins so here are some fun tips and how-tos. You will need these 9 simple steps to join mile high club if you wan to join the mile high club on your next vacation.

Step1: Shady Lady

It is rather awkward and shady for two people to follow each other down the center aisle into the back restroom. Pace yourself…remember to allow about 60 seconds before following your partner. Plant your head in a magazine so as to calm your nerves.

Step 2: A Game of Chess

Positioning can play a critical role. If you have the opportunity to chose seats as close to the latrine as possible grab em! If you are close to your final destination, you don’t have to both slide through a sea of faces to get to nirvana. The positive effects of this move are two fold. It will 1) help with your jitters as well as 2) raise less eyebrows plane-wide. This is a win win in my book.

Step 3: Foreplay is a must

Enjoy your time in your seats together. Airlines are not providing those little blankets any more so don’t forget to bring your own little naughty shield. This polyester schmata can be a game changing tool. Once you are in that cramped excuse for a bathroom you will have no more time for foreplay. This can be the most exciting part!

Step 4: When the time is right

When flying across country or across continents, after your meal, flight attendants may dim the lights. This is ordinarily a cue for passengers to fall asleep. Here is your cue! Most of your fellow flyers will be snoozing so there may not be so many awkward stares on your walk of shame back to your seat.

Step 5: Shady Lady

It is rather awkward and shady for two people to follow each other down the center aisle into the back restroom. Pace yourself…remember to allow about 60 seconds before following your partner. Plant your head in a magazine so as to calm your nerves.

Step 6: Occupy the Skies

This is the tricky part, no doubt. The first party must leave the door unlocked. Once the second Mile High Club member then you can lock the latrine. The reason is that once the door is locked, it is clear that there is someone occupying the restroom. If someone else has to knock and go in afterwards, the gig is up. Leave the stall unlocked. This will ensure that no red flags are raised by the flight staff. While this is the case, I cannot say its is 100% foolproof. If another passenger decides it’s his time to relieve himself and the sign reads “Vacant” you may get caught with your pants down. Don’t forget to watch who follows behind you.

Step 7: Pleasure and Pain Yin and Yang

We all remember the back seat of the car in high school right? Awkward arm positioning coupled with little bit of, “Ouch, ouch you’re on my hair” Turning around is no walk in the part either. The mile high club is no better, just a few more hard surfaces. You will be cramped in that airline bathroom so prep yourself and have fun with it. The right maneuvers and a can do attitude is all it takes.

Step 8: Easy Does It

That movie scene sure did make the mile high club look fun and sexy didn’t it. Two hot actors make eye contact and it’s on, right? Wrong! Remember, if you are too tense there can be physical limitations (clears throat). These complications do arise, and often, just try to relax. A glass of cheap airline wine may be the perfect social lubricant to relax your mind enough to do the trick.

Step 9: Lather, Rinse and Repeat

Once you have the steps down, it will not be your last time at the club. Sometimes sharing your experience with close friends can be almost as fun as being a club member. I caution you, don’t ever, ever share this sexual experience with a loved one or partner, never a happy ending.

Now Watch and Learn

I found this fun video describing the dos and don’ts that may be helpful in your quest to join the ever popular mile high club. Take a peek…

Mile High Poll

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