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Our Relationship With Parents Paves the Way to Love
Our Relationships with Our Parents Pave the Way to Love
‘The great truth is that women actually like men, and men can never believe it.’ – Isabel Paterson
We speak all the time about whether women are superior to men or vice versa, but as long as we do that, we will not be able to make true friends with the opposite sex. And with any relationship, it is best to be friends first before you become lovers.
Freud’s theory of the Oedipus complex seems to hold good when one examines the relationships men have with their lovers and finds that these men had ‘love affairs’ with the parent of the opposite sex. Yes, most of us do have these ‘affairs’. This is normal and healthy. A man can be a good lover if he has a strong relationship with his mother and has later moved away from her. This distancing is important. It does not mean that you love a parent any less.
The best husband then, would be a man who really loves his mother. And lives 500 miles away from her!
The Myth of Elvis, the Great Lover
The King of Rock, Elvis Presley’s relationships with women were all disasters. His mother Gladys was doting and smothering in her obsessive affection and walked him to school even in the ninth grade. This affected his sexual relationships and later on in life when Elvis became addicted to drugs, he needed baby talk from his mistress Linda Thompson to fall asleep.
As soon as a woman had borne a child, she became repugnant to Elvis, as did his wife Priscilla who left him because of his neglect. The ‘thousand women’ that he boasted he had had, were not found by Elvis himself. They were recruited for him and had to be enamoured by him, under eighteen and less than 5 feet 3 inches in height, but even with these women, he did not have a normal sexual relationship.
Transcending Your Past
Freud was wrong though, about people not being able to overcome their past, as Alan Loy McGinnis points out in his best -selling book ‘The Romance Factor’. If your life with your parents was not really satisfactory, you could seek out a counselor in order to find out how your childhood has affected your present attitude. Or you could just relive your childhood traumas and instead of blaming your parents, pull out those buried emotions. When you face your demons they have less power over you.
Too Much Feminism Can Kill Romance
Too much feminism can destroy a relationship. There was a time when with most couples going in for counseling it was the man who wanted out. Today it’s the women. Tired of their domineering and condescending husbands, they want out no matter what the sacrifices. Some of it may be justified, but much of it has been fanned by the hard core feminist attitude to man as predator and thus enemy of woman. “Forget men,” some feminists advise. “Go off and live alone or join the convent. You may need a man for sensual satisfaction , but don’t expect anything more from him.”
Yet the truth says McGinnis is that men and women are not natural enemies and to forgo the richness and mystery of the male-female relationship is to miss out on a lot. Neither male nor female will be at their best without each other. In the end, no matter how zealous the feminists may be, they cannot stamp out romance.
Betty Friedan who wrote ‘The Feminine Mystique’ in 1963 was fiercely adamant in her revolutionary ideas – a sort of call to arms against men which was right for the time But today she says that feminists should not be so vehemently against marriage, motherhood and nurturing. A divorcee for many years, she lives alone but hopes for a “good, committed relationship with a man.” She’s still a feminist, and a wise one.