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Resolve Conflict the Simple Way

Updated on April 6, 2017
DDE profile image

Resolve conflict with compromise. Be direct and avoid the unnecessary arguments. Be in control and avoid the power of being right.

Pay Attention to Conversations

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Active Listening is very Important to Better Communication

Resolve Conflict Easily

The few situations I faced up to has taught me how to cope with resolving conflict.

It happens to everyone, and it depends on how you choose to face up to the issue.

Some arguments could be resolved if couples would listen to each other.

I, sometimes go on and on, in trying to prove my point.

I listen to what my partner has to say, and by that time, I would have already said it all.

  • Has this happened to you?

Resolving conflict can be relatively simple.

The lack of listening leads you further to another problem.

The attempt to win my conversation has uncontrollably left me speechless. It is like I am lost with words in trying to get to my point.

The understanding of what the other person has to say is crucial with whom you are in conflict.

  • The example as follows:

John had mentioned to Barbara about a soon to be

Thanksgiving vacation, and that he would like her to spend this time with his family.

Barbara is confused about this arrangement as she has already planned to spend Thanksgiving dinner with her family.

The missed communication lead to many arguments and in this case they are trying to win their argument.

Each one is trying to get the other to spend the

Thanksgiving dinner at their families homes but it did not work out.

The problem here is no couple can win such an argument, because none of them agree to where they are going to spend the Thanksgiving dinner.

Their solution was to end the relationship.

If one chooses to spend the Thanksgiving dinner at their family home the other will be required to cancel their plans.

The wishes in this relationship do not seem important.

Barbara would resent being at John's place and on the other side of the problem. John will resent being at Barbara's place.

Plans were made without consulting the other here Barbara assumed in her plan that that she can include John without asking him if it was okay or possible.

Both really lose the battle in this relationship.

  • The conversation as John announced was as ''Barbara, as you know.''

So Barbara made her plans without the confirmation of Paul's plan.

  • Active listening

It is a reflection back to the other person in his or her words and feelings.

  • Identifying your position

I learned that stating my thoughts and feelings about the situation resolves the problem.

  • Exploring alternative solutions

The brainstorming in exploring other possibilities.

  • Active listening or reflective listening

The listener has to clarify the words of the speaker in order to know what is meant in the actual spoken words.

This includes going further and clarifying the feelings of the speaker.

The two people did not understand each other in their conversations but were quick to pick on one another. who was wrong or right in this discussion.

If one understood the view of the other the thought of just the one way or no way would have never come up.

How to explore alternative solutions?

Evaluate the possible solutions until the couple agrees upon one.

If the couple were open to many possibilities they won't be the feeling of resent in both places.

The idea of spending Thanksgiving dinner in both places is a solution to the problem.

It would have been fun spending half time in each home.

  • Both partners would have enjoyed their time together.

In that technique the whole purpose is no to convince someone that your point of view is correct.

Here you don't manipulate anyone involved in the missed communication.

The whole intention is to come down to an alternative solution in which both partners feel happy.

If you are not willing to end up at a solution avoid using the alternative solution, and if you are not willing to give up your power you have over an individual avoid using the above-mentioned method.

  • For example, the power of a parent over a child, and the boss's power over the employee.

Be more assertive when resolving conflicts.

  • Nonverbal Communication

When sitting your posture in leaning forward you are engaged in conversation.

  • It is known as Physical behavior body language.

Communicating by the body posture is often said as presented just as you see it.

Sometimes people feel more comfortable in expressing themselves with body language rather than verbally.

Nonverbal communication is always noticed like when you scratch your heads when perplexed, you smile when greeting someone, a hug that shows affection and wave at someone going by.

If you can’t stomach someone you keep a stiff lip when you see them.

  • ''She has no backbone.''

These gestures thoroughly explains your feelings non-verbally.

In trying to express non-verbally this can be easily misinterpreted.

  • Often there is a misunderstanding in nonverbal communication.

The message sent across is not always the right one.

For example:

If a man and woman hug each other on their first date and start to caress and kiss passionately this can send a wrong message to the brain of a man.

  • Why does that happen?

He gets aroused.

When she pushes him away and feels he is impatient he gets confused.

The situation has to be clarified before taken into consideration.

In making a conversation make sure you have sufficient time to talk.

In this way you understand each better and know the meaning of your conversations.

There should be no distractions in communication.

One requires an understanding of the actual conversation or discussion.

Learn to listen before laying out your argument.

After time spent with people it allowed me to see how much can be talked about.

The listening part of communications fails when people don't have that skill of listening.

People should speak clearly and in a fair toned voice for others to understand what they actually mean in their conversations.

I often hear people's conversations, and don't understand them if they don't speak clearly enough.

When you start a conversation, begin with an agreement when you begin with a disagreement it all goes out of control.

This applies if you disagree with someone, and then start with the agreement. It requires listening to find a point of agreement.

I have discovered during my conversations that if I used the word, ''but,'' it is like I have erased every word from my conversations.

For example, if an individual says, ''you can do this but not that.''

  • What are they saying?

My needs may be important but forget about them because I am now about to hear what is more important.

This word, ''but,'' has taken away my needs and the real issue is not focused my needs.

  • Pay attention to how people use this word, ''but.''

Try use more of the word, ''and than the word ‘‘buts.

If you use more of the word ''and,'' your needs will not be erased.

  • For example, you can say'' your needs are important and you can try something new.''

When the word ''I'' is used in conversations you expect others to listen to you intently because the focus is on your beliefs and opinions.

  • Try not to ask ''Why.''

If you ask someone the following question:

  • ''Why did you go home so early?''

A question such as this, can mean that a person has to justify to you. Of why they had to leave the function early which I think is most inappropriate.

Communication is misunderstood in all languages. The techniques used in solving the misunderstanding is very important to all individuals this is to avoid the many disagreements.

Conflict

Communication is often a Problem in Many Relationships

How do you Resolve Conflict?

See results

Face up to conflicts

I learned lots from Active Listening and in Identifying the the problem before solving the argument.
I learned lots from Active Listening and in Identifying the the problem before solving the argument. | Source

© 2014 Devika Primić

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    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      My business card reads, Balance the Scales, Problem Resolutions.

      You article gives great insight into the first notion of resolution. Shut Up and Listen.

      I try to go further. We must actually empathetically absorb others. We need to "be" them. This is just a great article to lay out some fine truths.

      (oh and I thinking venting and ranting is awesome, it allows us to move on toward peace -- So know your lover loves to hear your unbridled stuff)

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Devika, you are so knowledgeable on these conflict areas. Thanks for sharing especially about the value of listening.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Until I learned the value of true communication my life was turmoil; once I learned to listen as well as speak my life became more peaceful. Wonderful information in this article.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      Good information here. When you think you've "won" an argument, you've probably lost something even bigger -- trust, respect, etc. of other person.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Great information DDE, particularly the advice to try to avoid the use of the word "but". I have made that mistake many times as well as asking "why?' Once I learnt to spend more time listening instead of offering alternatives or asking why something should be done a certain way, communication improved. Also the word "we" should be used instead of "I" and your body language should match your words. Thanks for writing this hub. Voted up.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Ericdierker you said it well and conflicts can be solved if the correct method is used thank you for sharing your valuable opinion on Resolve Conflict the Simple Way

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Ericdierker you said it well and conflicts can be solved if the correct method is used thank you for sharing your valuable opinion on Resolve Conflict the Simple Way

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MsDora from personal expereinces I share what is important and most required thank you for stopping by always appreciated.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi billybuc thank you kindly for sharing your comments on my hubs.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway thank you for sharing your kind words here

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello Jodah, thank you for the vote up your efforts are kindly appreciated

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 3 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Wonderful hub!

      You have made some important points in this hub about resolving conflicts.

      Communication is the key, I think in any relationship. One should be a good listener too.

      Thanks!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you ChitrangadaSharan as always you take the time to comment onmy hubs I appreciate it.

    • epbooks profile image

      Elizabeth Parker 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Communication is so important in any relationship. Without it, it's destined to fail. Great advice in this hub!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      epbooks thank you for commenting.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      A brilliant hub DDE and thanks for sharing.

      Eddy.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you Eiddwen for commenting

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      I like the part about on verbal communication. Often, it's what we don't say that people misinterpret!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      midget38 thank you very much for commenting on my hubs

    • misslong123 profile image

      Michele Kelsey 3 years ago from Edmond, Oklahoma

      This is such a great topic. Good choice! I have written several articles on listening as I believe this is a crucial skill for any and everyone!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      misslong123, The lack of listening skills is indeed a problem thank you for sharing your thoughts here.

    • D.A.L. profile image

      Dave 3 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      Resolve conflict the simple way is a fascinating insight into relationships, which are often far from simple but rather complex. Your article leads the way to the ' simple way' a lot of people could certainly benefit from these guiding words. Great read.

    • ologsinquito profile image

      ologsinquito 3 years ago from USA

      A lot of problems can be solved or even avoided with this advice.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi D.A.L. thank you for sharing your valuable comment your kindness shines through.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      ologsinquito thank you for stopping by

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi D.A.L. thank you for sharing your valuable comment your kindness shines through.

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 3 years ago

      I never was good at an argument.So I try to avoid any conflict. Your hub gives me new insight and good information that gives me choices to make. What great tips I learn as I go.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      DREAM ON so kind of you to comment on Resolve Conflict the Simple Way and glad to know you learn from my hubs have a lovely weekend and take care now.

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 3 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      Conflict is often the result of miscommunication. Resolving conflict does involve listening. Voted useful!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Suzanne thank you for the vote up I appreciate your comments.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 3 years ago from India

      Just like speaking, listening is also an great art. The guy who is hell-bent on speaking only and not listening cannot enjoy a conversation in a better way. I have observed most of the people blurting out of turn so foolishly that it seems they are absolutely blind to the speech of everyone of the group and only alive to his/her own words only. Even observing such kinds of persons provides one with abundant mirth. Great listeners are very rare. Your beautiful hub stresses on this skill so importantly that we all should take note of it and inculcate in us this very sensible and very pleasing habit of listening rather than going mad with speaking nonsensical without brakes. This way, we can resolve our conflicts easily and calmly. Devika, great article and lots of food for thought. Loved reading this useful and very informative hub. Thank you.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Harishprasad well said here above all communication is key and should be resolved with great listening in the simple way thank you very much for sharing your valuable comment I appreciate you stopping by have a pleasant day.

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