Staying Friends After A Break Up
Breaking up is one of the hardest and most challenging things that we all have had to go through at one point of our lives... perhaps even more then once.
It is never easy especially when you cared for this person and spent a good amount of time with each other. Investing a lot into this relationship. Now this person just wants to move on as though it is just that easy.
Can you be friends with the person that you were once in love with or still in love with? Well that is a hard question something that you really have to take serious. After all this is our heart that we are guarding and once it has been broken by being dumped by the dumper it is a tough thing to just accept the fact that yesterday you were in love and today they just want to be your friend.
Wow that is really something and a big deal that a person can actually expect that from you and why do you think that they still want to be friends anyway?
That's a good question isn't it?
When The Dumper Wants To Be Just Friends
There are many reasons why a dumper would just want to be friends after being in a love relationship. I for one think that the biggest reason for a dumper to just want to be friends in my opinion is because it makes them feel better about themselves and what they did to you.
They still have you in their life but they don't have to have the guilt that goes along with dumping you and they can just do their own thing without having to answer to anyone anymore.
1. A dumper may truly still care about you but not in the way that you want them to care, they value the relationship enough to remain friends but not in a romantic way. There are many reasons why a relationship fails and it may not be the dumpers fault it depends on the situation which I will explain later.
2. They love you but they are just not in love with you.
3. A lot of dumpers do it out of feeling guilty and they think that it would make you feel better but again they are trying to make them-self feel better.
4. Another reason for just wanting to be friends is they want to keep that option there for them. In other words they want a back up incase it doesn't work out for them.
5. The dumper may feel that you are better off just being friends then partners. Maybe being friends would work better for you and the dumper.
6. But all in all it lessens the pain and the guilt for the dumpy.
There are many reasons why you can be just friends after being dumped and there are also many reason why you shouldn't be friends after being dumped at least not at first.
Reasons To Remain Friends
There are actually reasons to still want to maintain a friendship after being dumped. The reasons are mainly depending upon the circumstances of the relationship.
Believe it or not there are certain situations that really prove to be a better situation when two people have done all that they could to make it work between them but all their efforts and all the time invested proved that it was never mean't to be.
Two people can really love each other but nothing in their power can make this happen. A wise woman once told me that she was in love and so was her partner but they knew in their heart that he just wouldn't fit into her life. Not because he didn't love her or she didn't love him but the situation was so complicated that they were better off just being friends.
How do you know in your heart that you are just better off being friends?
Well like with everything there are a lot of different reasons why you are just better off just being friends.
1. There is no chemistry between the two of you.
2. There is no compromise
3. You both are going on a different path.
4. Your faith is different as far as your beliefs
5. You don't have that much in common.
6. They won't confide in you
7. No commitment
8. Shows no interest like they did at first, there is no romantic feelings.
9. Their life is complicated and so is yours sometimes taking a break and remaining friends just might be the thing to save your relationship depending on the situation.
10. You have children and they are not what you would hope them to be when it comes to your children or vice versa.
There are many reasons why you should remain just friends. Some reasons are justified other reasons just don't mean anything when it is out of selfish ambition with no thought to the person that you are hurting.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Breaking Up is Hard to Do is designed to facilitate work by mental health professionals, the clergy and any other professionals who support those considering or those in the midst of ending a committed relationship. The book may also be useful in training facilitators who are new to the field. By using the activities in Breaking Up is Hard to Do, participants can learn they are not alone and develop important coping strategies. They can find emotional support and practical suggestions, regardless of where they are in this process.
Reason Why You Should Not Remain Friends
I will give you reasons why you should not remain friends after a break up at least not right away.
When I went through a long term marriage of many years. I was the dumpy meaning I am the one that filed for a divorce. Although their action was being the one that dumped me by their betrayal I finished it off by going through with the divorce.
Here are some of the reasons why I just couldn't remain friends.
1. We were more then just a couple we were married. They broke their vows by going outside of their marriage and cheating on me. This happened to me twice and I have been married two times.
2. Betrayal... Betrayal is the hardest thing to have to go through especially when there are children involved and in my case she had children of her own and my ex traded us in for a new family.
3. You need time to heal you can't go from a love relationship. Being just friends is a lot to ask for, depending on the situation.
My first husband left us on three occasions, being a Christian woman at the time I was new into my faith and I thought that I had to put up with it until a pastor brought me to my senses and told me that since he wasn't making an effort to be in my life or his son's life that I needed to let him go and move on with my own life. I felt free but at the same time my heart was broken because he didn't care enough to be the husband or the father that he should have been so therefore I could never of been his friend. Although today I don't have any ill feelings toward him it just isn't my desire to be his friend.
My second husband had an affair after being together for nineteen years. He hide it from me but I knew that something was going on. Another betrayal something like that I just couldn't tolerate. But what made it even harder is that he married the woman that he was having the affair with as soon as our divorce was final she has two children close to our children s age. He had introduced her to my kids right away as their stepmother and her children as my children s stepbrother and sister. He didn't even have the sensitivity to wait to tell them and then he proceeded to act as though I should be happy for him and we can be friends. NO WAY he lost all my respect. Maybe some day but that day is yet to come if it comes at all. I know your thinking well your a Christian woman your required to be his friend and I have to forgive. Your right I do have to forgive but nowhere in the bible does it say that I have to remain friends.
Very awkward being husband and wife and now friends...don't you think?
Those are my personal reason why I choose not to remain friends.
Remaining friends after a break up isn't always the wisest thing to do unless there is valuable reason why it is better to just be friends to begin with. Those reasons come into play when it is something that just couldn't be helped.
But when a couple goes into it for the long haul of it being friends at least right away isn't always the best thing to do.
1. There is always going to be one who cares more for the other and will have romantic feelings for this other person. Unless you are both on the same page. You must give it time.
2. It would be to hard seeing the person you love or care about dating someone else when it was just the two of you.
3. You can never trust that person again.
4. Sometimes letting a person go would actually bring that person around back to you if it is really mean't to be. They may realize how much they miss you and want you back in their life if you stop seeing them and don't make it easy for them just by being a friend. Again it all depends on the situation.
In my case in this one particular relationship of a long term situation. I was able to remain friends because it had nothing to do with his cheating on me it had everything to do with what he had to deal with from day to day because of a serious injury that would affect him for the rest of his life. It was nobodies fault except the person who caused the injury. This person needs a friend and support more then he needs a girlfriend and I can easily be that for him because of the situation. So in this case yes it was possible to remain friends. Update: as I remained his friend, with time he grew to really trust me. He made a commitment and we married in Feb. 2017. He knew that my reasons weren't out of selfish ambition but because I truly cared. There are many reasons why you should remain friends and there are many reasons why you shouldn't be friends. I understood and followed the obvious.
The important thing to remember is that when you are being dumped you need time to heal, perhaps down the road you can be friends but give it some time. Unless your extra ordinary and you can be just friends then by all means be friends. But I guarantee you that it is going to take you a lot longer to get over this person, especially if you were together for a long time and this person was supposed to be your best friend and partner for life.
But just remember that your not alone we all have gone through this and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and that better person can be waiting around the corner. Just give it time.