" Unselfish men," Do they exist?

Hey, wildove5,

Nice hub. Great writing. Very helpful and informative. Voted Up and all of the choices. Keep up the fine work and it was my distinct pleasure to meet you and enjoy your work.

You nailed it. "We" are far from perfect specimens of creation. I have been married for 40 years this June and it has taken me most of this time to learn one by one, the steps of a solid marriage.

One: Listen to my wife and trust her more than myself.

Two: Willing to give my life at the drop of a hat for her.

Three: Do whatever I can to make her life a bit easier.

Sincerely,

Kenneth

Your Friend for Life

Thank you for taking the time to write. I apologize for being a little too presumptuous with my comments to you. A sign of my many years counseling people I'm afraid and a usually reliable ability to read between the lines. I have no doubt you love your boyfriend and him you. I just sense a sadness in a number of your writings that speaks to another. Again I apologize and look forward to reading more of your material.

Came across this article which I realize is supposed to be tongue in cheek. But I can't help but think it doesn't get written if you ever had the perfect guy in your life. And I don't mean 'perfect' since that person doesn't exist, I mean perfect for you. I hope someday you experience having a man who adores you and never lets you forget it. It's sad that so many people never find that person. My wife was that person for me and I never, ever missed an opportunity to remind her just how much I loved her. By the way some of the stuff you have written, deep stuff about your mom and your daughter is great, truly moving work. I look forward to reading more.

Where are the good ones ?

They smile at you in checkout lines

and secretly adore your dress

They look at you in rear veiw mirrors

they dream of your caress

They smile and think about asking

but quietly sneak away

Once again you chose the bad boy

the good guys always say.............hehe

Hi Wildoves10plus:

Read it again to get the gain of a second look, so came to the conclusion that you guys (females) have us guys(males) in plain sight….. And we need to run and hid in the shadows. Got no cave, and yes do cook and I’ve been with my better half for 30+ years, so I have some experience of the gal in my life. I am working on a genetic mutation that give’s us guys another side , cause being feminine in measure gives us a far better angle on humanity, love, passion and equality. Equality is something I have fond to be a real gem, makes all sides move from their traditional path, it’s the only way to avoid the Indian hunting party. Mind you I’d like to see a few more female construction workers, something to keep an eye on instead of making it a one sided viewing. Come to think of it, there are a list of jobs and tasks you guys don’t really get your energy into, so how about it!!!

You know ! Us good guys have a hard time feeling sorry for your trying to "tame " the bad boys to your likeness ! While you totally ignore the great guys ......you know like me !LOL.......you girls would be sooo fun to hang with !..........:-}

Perhaps we remember those behaviors because we've seen/experienced them too often. Thanks for writing the hub!!

Hi Wildove10out of 10:

Nearly caved in and wept on reading this hub about mail selfishness, through sleet and snow, rain and other weather us mail (mean) men deliver the goods…..now how can you call the mail selfish. And let my better half cook, never as I’m the better cook and I practice every day. Sure I have a cave shed where I horse around a lot, but that’s because my older selfish child wanted to view the world as a trainer of the faster four legged kind. But now you have worn me down and made me admit in my lower brain, my father-est problem…..adoring the women in my life. Loved the hub even if it was rather selfish about giving space to men, must be a patio thing…a place to make men atone for being the hairier creature of our planet and in need of care and attention….the groom of doom.

This was hilarious. I think you have our mothers to blame for it. Most men grow up with a mom who has a big S on her chest, and its hard adjusting to the lower standards our significant others want. I'm sure I'm going to get punished for saying that, but I'm not scared. LOL

Ha Ha! Great hub. I can completely relate to the conversation between your girlfriends and yourself. I have found my group of friends discussing the very same subject from time to time. I am also in agreement that Dad is off limits with this!

Greta hub

Gaplumber, I thought every woman has kissed a few frogs in her time. ha ha

Lesley, frogs? Really? haha

I can relate .... Boy I can relate.... No one knows how it is being a woman, except another woman. I need say nothing, you have said it all. Except - I have found a good man now. They are out there, it just takes kissing a lot of frogs first unfortunately. Voted UP and shared.

good suggestion, it is done

Oh, forgot to tell you there is a list of man rules. We are such simple creatures.

Howdy, I didn't want to read the comments so here is my thoughts. Love the sarcasm, you need to talk to a southern man. I love to do the cooking, take care of my self, will not admit to being sick so no problem there. Keep it up if the men reading are like they should be they can take it. Thanks

I think that you wrote this with humor in mind. Like LongTimeMother, I am also married to an unselfish man. He has gone out of his way on so many occasions to help not only his family but also mine. Later this year we will be celebrating our 43rd wedding anniversary. Perhaps I just trained him well? Haha! All kidding aside...I know how fortunate I am.

Happy to report that unselfish men do exist. I'm married to one!

And yes, I do know how lucky I am. :)

Awesome, I'm going to try to get over there and read it! You probably could have a Part 2, Part 3, Part 4....

I hope you're ready for this :-)

I don't know if I have the courage yet, but we'll see ;-)

Ha, you should. Isn't funny how they want their praise? We could've cooked, cleaned, worked, schooled and loved all day; we say "Gee I'm tired" and he follows with "Yeah, well I'm beat" and all he had to do was let the dog out on his day off.

Your hub's success; Most women agree and most men get defensive. (Could be the inspiration for another hub the pact of women and the always defensive man)

You're right! It is the mothers! I guess I better start paying attention to if my son is saying his thank yous to me so I don't turn out the same kind of man! Well what the heck were we born with such a nurturing nature for anyway?

Isn't that like a man to prove you wrong when you least expect it? What a guy, after you picked yourself up off the floor I hope you gave him a huge hug and thank you! ;-)

I think that there is a part of us that would like to think that while we enjoy being nurturing, we would also appreciate the signs of appreciation. I think a lot of men probably appreciate in silence and some probably just take the situation for granted. Then I suppose there are men that show appreciation. Though I bet more men think their wife knows they appreciate her, but her wife would beg to differ.

Unfortunately we do and it takes some guts to admit this. Many women prefer to blaim the other instead of observing their own behavior.

Other than that...we choose. We can choose for a guy who's well educated, learned about sharing, taking and giving or we choose for someone who obviously has learned nothing about that from his parents.

But if this guy is hot, sexy and a little dangerous, many women will choose a guy like that. The wrong type but so exciting to be with.

Still...we choose and we can walk away again if we had enough and improve our choices. Believe me...I know about all the wrong choices:-)

It made me more aware of my own imput as a woman...

Escobana,

You are so right. We bust our hump trying to impress our new love in the beginning; showing them how nurturing we are and how much we are willing to do for them. Unfortunately they get used to that behavior and we get tired. I guess we do create some of our own trouble.

Funny Hub though I have to say, WE WOMEN tend to create our own cave men, by pampering them from the beginning, not expecting anything in return, hoping in vain for their undivided attention afterwards.

There are many unselfish men who hang their clothes on a chair before they go to bed, who clean up after themselves and offer to do groceries because they see you're tired.

It's about the start of a relationship. The first messages you send out and WE WOMEN tend to send out the wrong message, then blaim the men AND stick by their side, to nag them all day long which to me is the ultimate punishment...

There's a door you can open after you've observed you're in a relationship you don't like. You can talk and talk and complain about it, but it went wrong in the beginning.

You don't change your cavemen back into a volunteer. The only change you'll get is called....compromise OR leave.

My last sweetheart was a perfect guy in many ways but I quit, even though he folded his socks, washed the dishes, ironed his shirts and put out the trash. I never met a typical Narcissist before. That was my cue to leave...

Funny Hub though! I can see the humor in it even though I answered seriously:-)

Up, shared and good stuff!

Lmao no no, its so true!!! I say much the same to my boyfriend when he says that to me!! Thats just preposterous. Lol lol. Gosh thank god no!! I think that would be my last straw.

I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree!! You know, my boyfriend asks me to take off his sneakers for him!!! They're all babies looking for replicas of their mothers. I say, lets raise our sons to be self-sufficient--see if the next generation of women appreciate it or not. Lol. I am a bit divided. I actually enjoy cooking and, my boyfriend (who cooks good, but i feel i can do better hey!) never trusts me to make things my own way. Its insane. Its to the point where Im like "screw you make your own damn food youre no baby you know how you f*kn want it, make it your damn self jeez" ------but, Would it kill for them to do the laundry, offer to take off our shoes, linger a little longer after a kiss? Speaking of primitive eras, I have reason to believe they feel they don't have reason to keep chasing us to keep wooing us after they have us. I say, make it harder for them, start commanding (not demanding) they pick up some slack and cut the crap. Did they not know a man doing the dishes and mopping the house becomes the sexiest thing ever after 5 + years of marriage or just being in a relationship? Good one dear. Love this topic.

wildove5,

I'm trying so hard to distract them from growing up. I know what is out there waiting for them and I know it wont be long before the see it. I'm kind of the burping, "rough around the edges" kind of mother and I really don't coddle my kids, but I still have my 12-year-old son (6th grader) believing in Santa Claus. haha. I've had some people tell me that he's too old, but I really don't care. I know within the next couple of years he's going to be out running the streets with his homeboys, chasing girls and probably getting into something that the DARE program would frown upon. Once they're not kids, there not kids. Ya know?

wilddove5,

I'm sorry, but I have to laugh... that's too cute. Hey, look at it as just a bend in her otherwise straight road. I was a very good "kid", terrorized my parents as a teenager and then as I turned into and adult and had my own first child I learned to absolutely respect and appreciate them. I'm probably closer with them now more than ever. My son just turned 12 and I've been shaking like a chihuahua waiting for the hormones to kick in. lol. But I have a daughter that just turned 8 and I'm even more afraid of that one. Hopefully these next couple of years take a long time to get here. ;-0

Well God works in wonderful ways, I am a testament to that:)

Isn't that the way it goes, if one brother's "got it all" the other one can't? My sister-in-law has a child-possessed and her next born, five years later is like the calm before the storm. I said, God must make it this way, you have to have one to balance out the other. Now she's raising the easy one; God was testing her strength, then rewarded her for her patience, lol.

lol...he does have a brother but the brother is a loser...sorry:( And I hope to marry him one day. He's 31 and never been married, although he was with the mother of his 3 kids for 15 years. But after 30 we all tend to mature alot more than our crazy 20's so I'm definitely hoping he'll put a ring on it in the next year or so:)

MissJamieD,

I'm jealous but happy for you. I'm wondering if he didn't have an ugly relationship prior to the one with you and so he appreciates you all the more because of it? Or he maybe was raised in a home where he had a very good example of how love and healthy relationships are supposed to be? I just don't see or hear of this occurring very often. Did his parents mass produce by any chance? lol

I know this is annoying but my boyfriend is the most selfless man you'd ever meet. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. He's the most un-selfish guy in the world. In fact right now he has a cold and he's always moaning and groaning, but he never allows me to get him tissues or make him soup or do anything! Once in awhile he'll let me give him a massage while he's sick or heat up something to eat but other than that he hates it when I baby him. He's constantly babying me and he loves to. I'm serious I'm the luckiest girl alive! If we go somewhere and there's something on sale that I'd like, he pretty much makes me stay there until I pick something. When there's a Clearance sale somewhere, he'll buy me stuff and bring it home for me (something my ex husband of 15 years never did ONCE), he gets up hours before he's supposed to for work, and will take me places and to appointments just because he wants to, knowing that he's going to be extra tired later. He has helped me when my ex was being a total psycho and I had to pick up my kids in the middle of the night on several occassions, without flinching. I could go on for hours and i've already written a hub about him but I think I have enough info for another..lol..I know we all love our selfish men too, I'm just saying I have a special one and I'm not letting him go:) I love this hub, very cute.

I would have hated to be the guy to walk in on THAT roundtable of jilted friends , dont think I would have got out alive !,,lol....Ed

wildove5...WHOA..pull back those reins..grab a crop..and sprint for the gate !!!

hope you had plenty of alcohol/ice packs/band-aids ...the abuse comments on this hub were unreal..men/women have made jokes about each other for years.." the ole ball and chain" just to mention one....without a sense of humor, life would be very boring...bash..bash who has the cash ? I have been married to a wonderful man for 48 years..happily for twenty three and a quarter.....hehehe

A selfish man is only selfish if he doesen't have the right lady in his life - and then once he finds her (if he's lucky) then he can become selfish again only because he wants what is best for her and they are a team and work as one - one love, as Bob Marley would say. Ole - from lake erie time ontario canada 6:11am not that I have any of this worked out because at 54 - I have never been married with no children - but I am not a confirmed bachelor either - lol - so nice to meet you and the bottom line in this beautiful hub presentation of yours - you tell the truth - so nice to meet you and sending you warm wishes and good energy

Men never appreciate this conversation but the women always violently shake their heads in agreement and some "uuuh huuhs" I think I have dated your boyfriend's brother; oh the hub I could write, though I suspect it might bring some male-hate-mail.

...anyway, I think you're funny.

Lets just say this put a smile on my face a soon as I started reading. I get it. Okay...now that were past that, what's for dinner?

Love this. It's so true. I know my woman's cave is NOT the kitchen. I guess its supposed to be the whole house. But I don't know about yours but my whole house isn't filled with cool gadgets, big screens to watch the latest hotties on and quiet time spaces like the man caves are. Great funny, true hub!

There are plenty of unselfish men out there. But, you see, the problem is the unselfish ones, by the very definition, recognize that a relationship is unequal and would inconvenience the female party. As such, the unselfish ones do the courteous thing and refrain from entering into relationships. So you tend to get stuck with the ones who see women as objects and servants.

Glad you exempt your Dad from the boorish behavior of the selfish "Man". Just remember, it was we who warned you about these men when we let you start dating them.Maybe, you should have listen.

I liked this, very well written and said. Yes not all men are nincompoops but the ones that aren't are either already married or gay.... :(

You could try training your men / man and setting boundaries and explaining your expectations.

This is very funny, but I bet the men could write one about us women. Not ALL men and not ALL women are selfish nincompoops. You just have to weed out the selfish ones.

I agree! Women should be able to have a cave in their own home, like the man cave (aside from the kitchen, ofcourse).

Funny hub that's probably intentionally one-sided for comic effect. Of course, this is not the experience of all women; that's the beauty of it. The formatting could be improved just a tad though. The second paragraph is a wall of text.