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10 good questions to ask to get to know someone really well

Updated on July 17, 2008

What are good questions to ask to get to know someone really well?

In a relationship there first needs to be love, encompassing this love are the strong holds of a relationship and they are trust and respect. Then this will evolve into a natural relationship of getting to know the person. We don’t need to chase or work hard at finding our mate, loves comes when we least expected.

Your first few dates is the time to get to know someone before getting too involved. Getting to know this person and who they really are. Although you are a strong woman or man and can handle remarks, sarcasms and verbalism of that sort, by asking and studying this person you can find out who they are by their responses, reactions and facial expressions right from the beginning. Human nature, we do more non-verbal communications than verbal communications, so follow their actions. This is the most significant.

When you begin your questioning per se, you must stay strong to your beliefs and be true to yourself. When you ask your questions and the answers begin and they are things you don’t agree with because of your beliefs, education, friends and family then these are signs for you, and know that this is not right for you no matter what, turn the other way.

If you proceed with such relationship just for the sake of having someone, later, you’ll pay a strong price of your pain and suffering. This is how a lot of women and men are charmed into a relationship, and then the battles began and can last for years. Therefore when these questions and answers take place listen carefully and watch closely and if there are some things you do not approve of then you know this is not the right person. Do not mentally make excuses or believe you can change a person or learn to live with this type of person because usually it turns out to be the other way around and they are on the controlling side of the relationship. This happens even quicker if you are dealing with the so-called “Charmers”, these individuals are professionals in their mind games on targeting women or men. How do they know, they are like lions for years watching and studying their prey. Their prey are usually the low-self esteem women and men, that they can easily manipulate. Do not interrogate your date. The best tool is to simply listen to them be yourself, and enjoy the evening and you’ll see the person reveal himself or herself to you.

Ask about friends

Usually who they hang out with is usually who they are. Friends play a strong part in our lives, does he or she casually meet or it’s a strong buddy thing? We humans find friends and contacts and judge them by our standards. We usually surround ourselves with people like ourselves. Human nature.

Ask about his or her family

Does he speak well of his family his mother?

What is he saying about his / her ex? Is he speaking negative about them?

Does he want marriage and children? (He may get up and run, but you do need to know this so you are not just waiting around for someone to make up their mind about marrying you later.

If he or she is slow in answering then he or she is avoiding something.


How does he/she speak, does he/she speak with foul language.

Do they take things, steal extra change that is not theirs.

What are his/her morals. Most important watch his/her reactions in public and behavior and he/she will show their true colors.

Their Jobs

What do they do?

Have they held onto a job, and for how long?

What are their goals?

This will allow you to see if he/she may have a good head on his/her shoulders. See if he/she has plans and hopes for the future.


Tricky question, but you must find a point to ask the person you may be getting serious about, you don’t want a person that is in debt with every company, and his paycheck is from “hand to mouth”. No money in his/her pocket. Too much spending.

Are you married / or do have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

What is the relationship?

Are they still seeing each other?

Is there a child involved, are there any child support of alimony he / she must pay?

Hobbies, and what do they do on their free time?

Do they have time for themselves reading, golfing or is it by the TV with the guys drinking beer.

Do they have intellectual desires, goals?

Do they complain a lot?

Do they complain about having to work or going to work?

Are they complain of how expenses items are, the meal etc?

Do they say rude things about the ex girlfriends, family members?

Relationship Experience Advice

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    • profile image

      daisy  8 years ago

      I think that those questions definitely make you sit and think about what you really want and need in a relationship before you even get invovled and its really important I realise now because I entered a relationship before I new a lot about my partner and I really love him but our relationship can never be what I want it to be as he and his family have totally different values to what my family and I have and it is so frustrating as I really care for him now but we can never have a proper relationship and it makes it that much harder to walk away from now so speaking from experience, find out answers to similar questions about values and family first!!

    • Ashley Joy profile image

      Ashley Joy 8 years ago

      These are great things to ask. The finance one is tough, but you should not really need to ask any questions. If you just watch you can get a idea of what their spending is like.

    • profile image

      DUKE 8 years ago

      This article gives many an insight what a rwlationship is.its very good and i like it.

    • profile image

      Chopper Chick 88 8 years ago

      Too bad that none of this is ever a thought before stepping right in to a squashy, steaming pile of Love.

    • livelovecoffee profile image

      livelovecoffee 8 years ago from Georgia

      I def. agree with you questions to ask. Great info for all those daters out there.

    • profile image

      Jay 8 years ago

      I can't beleive how some people think. Look it is truly easy. The thing is, finding the perfect match is like winning the lotto, it just dose not happen. Be honest with yourselfs. My great grand parents were married for over 70 years. At times they hated eachother, loved, and ect! No matter what they stuck through it, and said they wouldn't change anything.

      If you truly like and or love some one, it should not matter if they are in debt or broke, ect. Most of the best relationships travel through adversity and compromise... Don't be so shallow. Even in the start, when you have just met, you find out they are in debt, help them through it. Do not be so quick to cast stones.

      Most people today marry for looks, money, and status, or give up the one they really love, and or like, for the better life, and learn to love latter or not at all. Open your heart and eyes. Nothing is beneath, nor above you. Be real, not like the world...

    • profile image

      Sleetier Origins 8 years ago

      Great article - in fact most of the topics mentioned would make great ice-breakers for regular conversations as well, if your first meeting with e.g. a friend-of-a-friend isn't going as smoothly as planned.

    • profile image

      Aimee 9 years ago

      I m so impressed by what has been said in this article, coz i do believe that no matter how much u love someone or u want to share your life with him, u have to keep in your mind what is important(what u want in Future, and if u will be able to live the life u want , not the life your partener wants)ofcourse u may have to sacrifice but please don't give up your hole life for Him or her.


    • Mezo profile image

      Motaz 9 years ago from Egypt

      I agree

    • profile image

      relationships 9 years ago

      Thank you for you thoughts, you are right.

    • profile image

      Hikeguy 9 years ago

      I like your low-key approach here. In fact, a lot of the questions you pose make a good starting point for self-evaluation before dating. Thanks for your suggestions -- thinking out core issues ahead of time can reduce problems. Noticing if someone is trashing others is a good warning sign. I've learned to save time on the Internet by noticing how people present themselves. It seems the ones who respond to an ad with nothing but physical statistics are just looking for a hook-up situation -- if someone isn't willing to even introduce themselves in complete sentences, I take it as a sign.

    • buhrandt profile image

      buhrandt 9 years ago

      We live in a text message world. It all comes down to the basics. It all comes down to COMMUNICATION!! Thanks for the hub .

    • Nicole Winter profile image

      Nicole A. Winter 9 years ago from Chicago, IL

      Great article with wonderful tips on how to get to know someone. I especially liked the paragraph about sticking to your own opinions and values when finding out more about a prospective mate. I don't think you & your mate have to agree on everything or have the same values, per se, but when you're discussing these things and differences come up I think how your (possible) future partner reacts to you sticking to your guns can be just as good of an indicator on how your future relationship will go than if your views are similar.

    • hootnhowell profile image

      hootnhowell 9 years ago from Peoria Heights, Illinois

      The price of divorce is now affordable for most Americans. Relationships are just what men have to endure to get sex. The downside is relationships interfere with baseball and having fun with your friends.

    • profile image

      relationships 9 years ago

      Hello Doc Rich

      Communication and respect is # 1, in any relationship either intimate or friendship in order for it to grow.

      Thank you for your input.

    • Doc Rich profile image

      Doc Rich 9 years ago

      Relationship help fills a huge need for nearly every breathing being on the planet. It's refreshing to find someone who writes with your level of sensitivity and thoughtfulness. Very well done.

    • profile image

      relationships 9 years ago

      Hello SAm

      The purpose of a date if you are true is to get to know someone; and have a good time together without trying to plan it, but to truly spend a great time with someone, and hopefully it will develop further. This you can accomplish by asking and listening carefully:

      1) who he/she is, where is he/she from

      2) what does he/she likes,

      3) what about work,

      and to get the conversation going ask for example, "and what do you like about ..."

      By the second or so dates you should have some idea of this person you plan to spend time with. The purpose is to be yourself and enjoy each others company.

      Good luck.

    • profile image

      SAm 9 years ago

      What if you are both board and don't know what to talk about.

      What are some good topics, or good ways to start a good conversation?

    • blissnow profile image

      blissnow 9 years ago from Byron Bay Australia

      I love to check out the parents as this is a great sign for a future relationship. A good family with no power or abuse issues is great.

    • susanmalone profile image

      susanmalone 9 years ago

      Knowing about their goals & values can tell a lot about person. (and also asking of their past relationships). Nice read, thanks!

    • Lex LaCroix profile image

      Lex LaCroix 9 years ago from Orlando, Florida

      Great tips. Definitely well thought out.

    • Sandilyn profile image

      Sandilyn 9 years ago from Port Orange, FL

      Good hub! A lot of people go into relationships and just head for the sex and love .

      They don't stop to think about the most important questions that you outlined here.

      When I got married the minister sat my future husband and i down and discussed these things with us. Since we had lived with each other for 4 years we had already gone through all of these questions and knew all about each other.

      Many people don't do this and run into so many problems. They start to develop feelings but are they the right feelings because this person isn't who they really want or need?

    • profile image

      relationships 9 years ago

      Hello Jenn

      Thank you, the correction helps.

    • profile image

      Jenn 9 years ago

      I couldn't understand one part of what was written and that is because the word "still" was used for "steal". Hope this correction helps others.

    • fishskinfreak2008 profile image

      fishskinfreak2008 9 years ago from Fremont CA

      Very interesting

    • profile image

      MOmmagus 9 years ago

      I dissagree with the statement made in the first paragraph about finding a mate. Perhaps if people will try a little harder to match compatabilities, then relationships will last longer and be more satisfying. There is this movie, and I can't remember the name of it, but it explains really well what goes on in our brains when we fall in love. I will repost the name of that movie when I think of it. Basically, love is a chemical reaction; it's like being on drugs.

    • profile image

      relationships 9 years ago

      Yes, I believe this could help.

      Thank you

    • monitor profile image

      monitor 9 years ago from The world.

      This list should sort the chaff from the hay. A lot of work gone in here. Thank you. Mon.

    • profile image

      relationships 9 years ago


      Its sad you had to find out this way after giving your trust. Its important number one to respect oneself and to love oneself, then can we learn to see people for what they really are without giving all we got, for the sake of affection. Respecting onself gives us that peace and most important that PACE to move carefully.

      These are all important times you have gone through, that now you can share and hoping it will help others.

      Take care.

      Yes, that would be a good start.

    • profile image

      relationships 9 years ago


      Its sad you had to find out this way after giving your trust. Its important number one to respect oneself and to love oneself, then can we learn to see people for what they really are without giving all we got, for the sake of affection. Respecting onself gives us that peace and most important that PACE to move carefully.

      These are all important times you have gone through, that now you can share and hoping it will help others.

      Take care.

      Yes, that would be a good start.

    • profile image

      jeanne 9 years ago

      Yhe first thing you need to know about a man is is he married?/ I made that misstake and ened up walking away hart break number one, tha second hing to know is haw commited he is planning on being in the future p0ssibly sitting donw and wreiting out what each person wants in tahe relationship. you got to know that he is not just our for a one night stand so don't give it until you are in the know

      It so easy to say I love you but what is his finacial state? that could leed to a messy sutuation iif he in over his head in money probelens. I am a turest and would want to find out all I could about him and his family. you could just be loving and leaving him. Jeanne in california

    • profile image

      Erika 9 years ago

      I share your point of view, my favorite word for a relationship is "compromise" and remember that a crisis could be a stairstep towards a more mature relationship if you are willing to put some energy in it and climb up.

    • profile image

      Staci 9 years ago

      I liked your statements I have read them they are very good and wish more people would honestly write about this. I have made copies for my daughter.

      Thank you


    • profile image

      svas 9 years ago

      Great Tips