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10 Gay First Date Deal Breakers

Updated on December 2, 2015
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So I have been talking to a number of buddies who have been running into a cycle of going on dates where it becomes fairly obvious early in the experience that it is just not going to be a good match.

A lot of people think gay dudes are finicky and maybe that is true to some extent however, I still there are probably a number of universal first date deal breakers that are exclusively linked exclusively to gay men.

I talked to several relationship counselors at Couples Counseling Chicago who do a lot of counseling work with gay men around relationships, particularly premarital counseling in Chicago. What I learned is that the list I created was pretty much accurate.

According to Daniel Sullivan, licensed psychotherapist and gay dating expert, there does indeed appear to be some important things to keep in mind when it comes to first dates and gay dudes.


“Gay men have their own unique set of standards when it comes to dating”, says Sullivan.

“It is important to recognize the differences, particularly when looking at topics like dating, relationships and potentially, marriage. You can often tell a great deal on a first date."

- Daniel Sullivan, Couples Therapy Associates

What follows are 10-gay first date deal breakers. There are probably more than a few items that I have missed but generally speaking, these seem like the biggies!

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10 Gay First Date Deal Breakers

1. Dude is drunk or high (or both)

Yep – this one is a major deal breaker and it kind of makes no sense why somebody would show up to a first date all high or messed up.

I am thinking this likely had to so with issues related to self-esteem and being fearful of rejection. Kind of an oxymoron if you ask me. Under this point, guys that drink too much during a first date can also be deal-breaker … at least for a lot of guys I know.

2. Dude is on his smart-phone

One of my buddies shared that on the last 3 dates he was on, the guy pulled out his smart-phone during the date and started texting somebody. I personally think this is rude but can also understand that emergencies come up.

And yeah – some people use the smart phone as a way of “getting out of a gay date” (and straight dates). It is an old trick. This one however still seems to be pretty high up there as far as deal breakers go.

3. Dude asks too many questions

I can remember when I was on a few dates where it felt like I was interviewing for some job. I am not sure where the fine line is between wanting to get to know somebody and crossing the line where the questions become offensive.

A lot of dudes I know tell me they prefer to let the other person talk but if only one person is sharing, how can two people truly get to one another?


What are your gay first date deal breakers?

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4. Dude doesn’t make enough money or too much money

This may seem like a shallow point but I want to keep it real in this list so that is why I am going there. If you are making a six figure salary, it is kind of hard to get serious about dating someone who is pulling in minimum wage.

A friend of mine recently met a hot dude and the two seem liked they had a lot in common. Both of them were 40, both of them in the same political party and both of them into sports, fitness and what have you. But the dude my friend went on a date with shared that he had been unemployed for six-months and was working at McDonald’s.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging here. Just saying that for a lot of gay guys, that is a deal breaker (and straight people too). What do you think?

5. Dude is too picky about food and entertainment

So yeah, this one seems goofy but I just know a lot of people who call of a first date before it starts because the guy they are interested in seems to be overly picky about where to eat or what to do on the first date. And still other friends of mine have been on a date with someone where the guy took forever a day to order food because they insisted on “fat free” this and “low-calorie” that. Is this a silly reason to list as a first date deal breaker for gays?

6. Dude did not look like his photographs

I will never understand why someone would send a picture of themselves to someone else for the purposes of getting a first day where the picture just not accurate. Here, I am talking about gay dudes using photographs that are 10 years old or when they were 30 pounds lighter. Call me crazy but why play that game? A deal breaker for sure and I am not sure there is much debate around this one.

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7. Dude is looking for a hook up

I can totally understand how sexual energy on a first date can cause two guys to want to skip the pleasantries and get down to business. Sometimes it happens that way. Still, a major gay first date deal breaker seems to be going out with someone for the first time and the guy looking to get laid. What do you think about this one?

8. Dude has bad teeth

Isn’t this one awful? I can’t tell you how many guys I know who essentially rejected a first date out of hand after that first get together because he had nasty teeth. Now what constitutes “bad” and what people consider “ugly” are completely subjective. I am just saying that this one seems to be a biggie.

9. Dude keeps talking about his ex!

A lot of guys will cut off contact after a first date when they find out that the guy recently broke up with someone. Interestingly enough, this particular deal-breaker is universal to gays and straights alike. The question is – how much time needs to pass before someone is eligible to be back out on the market?

10. Dude is just not compatible in the bedroom

Under this gay first date deal breaker, it somehow comes up during the first get together that individual A is sleeps on the top bunk and individual B takes the bottom. In terms of sexual compatibility, this one kind of makes sense. But is that all there is to a gay relationship?

For whatever it is worth, I know a lot of gay dudes who will not go out on a second date and will wiggle their way out of the first one if they find out the other dude isn’t compatible.

Final Thoughts

The list I have here is certainly not complete and I am sure you could add a great deal to what I have posted. And it is important to note that we are speaking here in generalities and that each person, gay or straight, is unique and therefore has their own standards.

With that shared – what are your first date deal breakers?

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      Carlos Alberto. Andrade 2 years ago

      Muito interessante

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 2 years ago from Jamaica

      Same list for women here! That one about the texting is just bad manners!

      On my list, the income wouldn't matter. My fiancé didn't go to college and he makes much less than me. The good thing is he takes care of me, he pulls his weight, and where he is lacking financially he makes up by being generous and kind.

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      thfareed.burrell 23 months ago

      I am. Look for. a boy friends yo is good look he got to be that white guy with own place and we'll head on car and then going to kick back relax I am a good look men black and do like black guy if want to get back thfin text me OK

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