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7 Wrong Beliefs that Make You Unable to Forgive

Updated on April 2, 2018
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Introvert. Socially awkward. Massive reader. Small talk is my kryptonite. Writing is my superpower!

Do you find it difficult to forgive and move on? Understanding the reasons behind it can help you find inner peace.

When you are in a relationship, conflicts are unavoidable. Disagreements, arguments, and misunderstandings are all part of it. But what if your partner committed an unforgivable sin that led to permanent breakup? Is it possible to just forget and move on?

Here are some possible reasons why your heart is still unwilling to forgive:

  1. Believing that you are 100% innocent. Pride can get in the way of forgiveness. If you instill in your mind that the other party is 100% responsible for your heartache, it can be a form of victim-playing and be placing all the blame on your ex-partner. Sometimes an emotional response can aggravate the situation. Try to put aside your anger and see things in a rational way.
  2. Thinking that you are encouraging the offender's hurtful and selfish acts. The purpose of forgiveness is not to justify the sin. It's more about helping yourself to heal, recover and eventually regain your inner peace. Your partner might not deserve your forgiveness but you deserve to be happy again. It's actually not something that you give but you take for yourself.
  3. Fearing that it will make you powerless and helpless. You have to understand that forgiveness is different from acceptance. Don't confuse it with reconciliation. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you are obligated to accept the person again and be reconciled. Yes, you can forgive and move on in life without that person.
  4. Being stuck in the illusion that your heartache will last forever. It won't. Believe in your heart's ability to heal. It's easy to imagine that you won't be able to pick yourself up after a terrible breakup. But just give yourself some time and you will see that things will definitely get better. The key is to be kind to yourself and not allow yourself to dwell on depressing thoughts.
  5. Hoping that unforgiveness will punish your ex-lover. It's the other way around. When you don't forgive, you harm yourself not just mentally and emotionally but spiritually as well. It's like stabbing your enemy with a knife's handle while you're holding the cutting edge. You end up severely wounded while the other party has almost no injuries.
  6. Waiting for the offending party to apologize first. The unpretty truth about life is that you can't expect people to always say sorry. There are many factors at play. It could be because they don't understand how much they've hurt you or it could be because they really want you to suffer. Whatever the reason is, show them that you are strong enough to forgive and you can be happy without them.
  7. Forcing yourself to forgive and forget. If you are still living with the consequences of what happened, forcing yourself to forget would be an impossible goal. But don't dwell on past memories. Whenever it pops into your head, remind yourself that you are committed to happiness. Be gentle, kind and patient with your own self because you deserve to be treated well.

Forgive or Never

Have you forgiven your ex-lover?

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© 2018 flyeve

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 months ago

      8. Believing forgiveness means forgetting and staying united.

      If a bank chooses to "forgive" a debt or "write it off" it doesn't mean they're going to turn around and extend you another loan. It just means they're going to suspend activity attempting to collect.

      You can "forgive someone" and choose to end your relationship.

      To forgive is to "let go" or (choosing not to dwell on something anymore). From now on you're going to focus on other things.

      "Knowledge is being aware that fire can burn; wisdom is remembering the blister." - Leo Tolstoy

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