ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

7 Wrong Beliefs that Make You Unable to Forgive

Updated on April 2, 2018
profile image

Introvert. Socially awkward. Massive reader. Small talk is my kryptonite. Writing is my superpower!

Do you find it difficult to forgive and move on? Understanding the reasons behind it can help you find inner peace.

When you are in a relationship, conflicts are unavoidable. Disagreements, arguments, and misunderstandings are all part of it. But what if your partner committed an unforgivable sin that led to permanent breakup? Is it possible to just forget and move on?

Here are some possible reasons why your heart is still unwilling to forgive:

  1. Believing that you are 100% innocent. Pride can get in the way of forgiveness. If you instill in your mind that the other party is 100% responsible for your heartache, it can be a form of victim-playing and be placing all the blame on your ex-partner. Sometimes an emotional response can aggravate the situation. Try to put aside your anger and see things in a rational way.
  2. Thinking that you are encouraging the offender's hurtful and selfish acts. The purpose of forgiveness is not to justify the sin. It's more about helping yourself to heal, recover and eventually regain your inner peace. Your partner might not deserve your forgiveness but you deserve to be happy again. It's actually not something that you give but you take for yourself.
  3. Fearing that it will make you powerless and helpless. You have to understand that forgiveness is different from acceptance. Don't confuse it with reconciliation. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you are obligated to accept the person again and be reconciled. Yes, you can forgive and move on in life without that person.
  4. Being stuck in the illusion that your heartache will last forever. It won't. Believe in your heart's ability to heal. It's easy to imagine that you won't be able to pick yourself up after a terrible breakup. But just give yourself some time and you will see that things will definitely get better. The key is to be kind to yourself and not allow yourself to dwell on depressing thoughts.
  5. Hoping that unforgiveness will punish your ex-lover. It's the other way around. When you don't forgive, you harm yourself not just mentally and emotionally but spiritually as well. It's like stabbing your enemy with a knife's handle while you're holding the cutting edge. You end up severely wounded while the other party has almost no injuries.
  6. Waiting for the offending party to apologize first. The unpretty truth about life is that you can't expect people to always say sorry. There are many factors at play. It could be because they don't understand how much they've hurt you or it could be because they really want you to suffer. Whatever the reason is, show them that you are strong enough to forgive and you can be happy without them.
  7. Forcing yourself to forgive and forget. If you are still living with the consequences of what happened, forcing yourself to forget would be an impossible goal. But don't dwell on past memories. Whenever it pops into your head, remind yourself that you are committed to happiness. Be gentle, kind and patient with your own self because you deserve to be treated well.

Forgive or Never

Have you forgiven your ex-lover?

See results

© 2018 flyeve


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      9 months ago

      8. Believing forgiveness means forgetting and staying united.

      If a bank chooses to "forgive" a debt or "write it off" it doesn't mean they're going to turn around and extend you another loan. It just means they're going to suspend activity attempting to collect.

      You can "forgive someone" and choose to end your relationship.

      To forgive is to "let go" or (choosing not to dwell on something anymore). From now on you're going to focus on other things.

      "Knowledge is being aware that fire can burn; wisdom is remembering the blister." - Leo Tolstoy


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)