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10 Probable Reasons She's NEVER Had a Boyfriend

Updated on December 3, 2018
ThatWallflowerJen profile image

Jenny is a twenty-something who loves writing novels, poems and articles about books, music, movies and TV shows.


No Boyfriend Since Birth

Just a few months ago, I got a work in a Call Center. I was what? Twenty years old and a fresh graduate from college. I never really thought that with getting the job, I would actually also be getting myself into a pod of highly mature and straightforward people.

Well, all my colleagues inside the training room were all older than me. That was maybe why I automatically felt outta place.

Why am I blabbing about this? This is practically the backstory of why I came up with making this list.

Because the single info about me that made the biggest impact on them was: I NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. LIKE EVER.

And the biggest question was always, of course: WHY??

So let me put a rundown of 10 of the possible reasons why she, me, your friend, your crush, your classmate, your workmate or your pet hamster has NEVER, in her whole life or existence, had a BOYFRIEND.

1. the most common reason among youngsters: STUDIES FIRST.

I can clearly remember, my senior year in highschool, the words posted largely just above the blackboard of our classroom that says, 'Study first before anything.'

I don't even know if nowadays some kids are still staying single because of study, school or whatever, but in my days, it's usual. It's obviously, and understandably lame—who cares about school anyway?—that you actually reject your potential suitor because of your studies. But believe it or not THERE ARE girls who are still setting their priorities straight. I was one of those when I was younger (Yeah, I'm that lame).

And mostly, it's also about the age. If you're in gradeschool, middleschool or even highschool, you are expected to do your homeworks first and try to find the letter that has been missing for the looooongest time: x, not the ex former-gf-bf-kinda-x. Do yourself some algebra, or at least tryna pretend you're getting some.

Not saying it's generally not alright to have relationship in a young age but for some, they're better off without it.


2. Another common answer: STRICT PARENTS.

In a liberated world like today, you'd hardly find parents that won't let their kids out even once. In my a-little-unliberated world I lived in when I was younger, they were A LOT.

My bestfriend before actually had a VERY STRICT pair of parents. The kind of parents who shouldn't catch you out hours after school (they were scaaary)

It can be another reason why. THEY CAN'T JUST LIE. They are either too scared of their parents or too honest and loyal that they don't have the heart to break their rules. Which is good actually. I don't really need to say that they just wanna protect you.

If the girl that you like gave you 'having strict parents' as the reason for rejecting you. Let her be. She either doesn't want a full-bown family drama or SERIOUSLY just doesn't go out with you.

Yeah, sometimes she just doesn't wanna go out with you.



Talkin' about priorities must be more of adult girl reasons, don't you think?

After boyfriendlessly graduating school, you want a great permanent job. You wanna buy a house. You want a car. You wanna travel...the list can go on forever.

Some girls want to FOCUS on them FIRST. Guys could be a huge destruction sometimes (or most of the time).

They want to put the first checks on their 'Goals' first. But please know for sure, for your very hopeful helpful information, that a 'boyfriend/partner/prince charming' is still on that list. A little on the latter part of the page but still, it's there.


4. "I AM WAITING FOR 'THE ONE'" *bells ringing with rose petals pouring down from above*

Calling all my fellah hopeless romantics who are still waiting for 'the one' to sweep them of their feet.

(Don't dare tell me there isn't a soul in the planet who doesn't, with all seriousness, believe in fate, destiny and soulmates. WE. DO. EXIST.)

Most of us are letting the universe decide who and when we'd finally fall.

They sometimes look for 'signs' just to be sure. They wait, wait, and wait until they get all their signs right. Making sure that our first love story is the perfect fairytale they giddily planned out for years.

There are, of course, aware that nothing is indeed perfect but still let them believe in happy endings. Their own precious version of happy endings.

And 'The One' is still on his way to them. So they wait.



Uhm... Well, I bet one way or another you had this special person you got your eye on for a long time and you're already ready to take the chance and make him your first boyfriend... But by a very tragic circumstance, he suddenly fell for somebody else.


But then still...


Some of us NBSBs (No Boyfriend Since Birth’s) can be experiencing the same thing. She liked someone, he liked someone else, but even with all the pain and heartaches he brought her she is still hoping that he would eventually break-up with his girl and, of course, in any strange or unbelievable way, would fall right back to her. Even technically, he's never been with her.

But before it happens, as she's watching her dream man with his not-even-pretty-recent girlfriend, she's muttering her silent prayer, break up, break up, break up.

And then utters her promise to the universe, I AM NOT GOING TO LIKE ANYBODY BUT MY HONEYBUNNY AND HE'S GOING TO BE THE MINE.

Oh well, that's pretty exaggerated (for some people) and a little creepy needless to say, but still, they are gurls with this very persistent not-giving-up-on-you mindset about love. That's why even until now, they are still part of our NBSB club. And I'm very happy to have you in our team, gorgeous.


What if he cheats? What if he'd fall out of love with me? What if he doesn't really love me? What if we're not really meant to be? What if I’ll just get hurt in the end?

Questions, questions, questions.

Obviously, girls could be really vulnerable to fear. Fear that once they venture to a relationship, there would surely get hurt. Well, I haven't met anyone didn't get hurt even a little during a relationship. They say it's part of it. It's normal. But it doesn't mean we won't be afraid of it especially since we have never felt that kinda pain before.

They always say that you won't be happy without the pain. We've seen that in movies. Either you'd break up because he has another or he doesn't like you anymore or you've done something wrong yourself. Whatever reason, it would still hurt.

And that is scary.

Some of us wouldn't just take that risk. So we're like this, until we have finally found enough courage to give in and gamble with our hearts at stake.


Mrs. Styles, Mrs. Tomlinson, Mrs. Payne, Mrs. Horan, Mrs. Malik, Mrs. Bieber, Mrs. Lautner, Mrs. Elgort and all the self-proclaimed future wives of all the heartthrobs of this generation. Hey y'all!!

This seems funny, I know, I know. But I am seriously serious. With all the fangirling of today, we couldn't deny the fact that we, even for once, had fantasized to have at least a little fling with our musician, actor or celebrity crushes.

And some of the hardcore fangirls are somewhat too engulfed by their fantasies that they actually believe that Mr. Harry 'too-charming-to-be-human' Styles or any of the cutie-patootie on our TV screens ARE their actual and definite future husband.

So of course, since you're already sure of your future spouse, you tend to reserve yourself. For them and just for them.

Don't deny it sweetie. I've seen your 'Don't Touch Me Unless Your Harry' shirt.


8. TOO INDEPENDENT. (I-don't-need-a-freaking-guy-to-live-kinda-mindset)

Yep. There are some badass girls who don't need a prince to slay their own dragons. They are the ones who are independent enough to not care about boys.

Give them air, give them water, give them food. They're all good.

Yeah, you can call them cynical. The perfect opposite of the hopeless romantics. Practical, realistic, independent. They don't want to make a single male specie as the center of their world. That's why until now, they are still boyfriendless, not because of anything else but because of their own decision and own version of independence.


9. She's a little too shy.

Remember your friend who would just stay on one corner or hide behind other people? The ones that are not comfortable with talking to people MOST ESPECIALLY to boys?

They are the girls who are most likely to have no experience with relationships. They are so shy and so awkward. Some are those who don't go out that much and would rather stay at home with their books or iPods than go to parties and spend time with real (not virtual) people.

Even how hard they want to or attempt to jump out of their shells, they are just socially incapable of doing so. It's hard for them to speak up, loosen up, open up. Trust me, I am one of them.

You can just imagine how hard it would be for them to get close romantically with a guy, who can actually be a stranger, and have them as a consistent fixture inside their plain silent life.

It must take a persistent, sincere and whole lot of sense of humor to be able to crack them up and catch their soft vulnerable hearts.



This is the one I think I can mostly relate into. Because this is the one that can actually contain all the reasons stated above (Because I'm a little bit of everything. Even Reason no. 7. ;)Okay now, judge me). She can be a shy girl, with strict parents who wants to study first before anything. Or a girl who is just too busy with her goals that she thinks she doesn't need a man in her life yet.

She's just not ready as of the moment. With or without reasons. And it's her right to choose her time, to take it slowly, to enjoy the free single life, or the ways to choose her man.

And honestly, she can definitely live with it.

And for those who keeps asking her repeatedly, untiringly (sometimes irritatingly) why she's never had a boyfriend, just be contented when she says SHE'S JUST NOT READY YET. Because it's most likely the truth.

Except: She's not interested in boys in general OR –again—she just doesn't really wanna go out with you. And it's the latter in most cases.


What of the following reasons can you relate into?

See results

For every one who has a different answer, please kindly write down your reasons below. let's talk about it beautiful fellow NBSB :)

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    • ThatWallflowerJen profile imageAUTHOR


      9 months ago from PH

      Hi, Brynn Thorssen! Very true. Some kids just don't realize that love is not supposed to be rushed. Thank you so much for your comment by the way.

    • Brynn Thorssen profile image

      Carrie Peterson 

      9 months ago from Colorado Springs, CO

      As a middle aged woman who started dating too early, I am so happy to see young women making good and - most importantly - HEALTHY choices regarding relationships. You all are not jumping into marriage or sex. I think many older women would have loved to have had society's support in not jumping into relationships we would later regret or were a waste of time.

    • ThatWallflowerJen profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from PH

      @dashingscorpio very interesting comment you have there! :) I can totally agree to most of this. Thanks for your witty opinion and for your time spent in explaining some really important points and facts. :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      I believe 1, 2, and 3 are all connected to having strict parents or not wanting to disappoint then. Most parents tell their children not "waste time" on boys or girls and focus on their studies.

      However the majority of kids follow their hormones and sneak around their parents' back to establish boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

      At some point in the U.S. at least around the age of 16 most parents will allow their children to go to the movie, mall, or have lunch with a guy or girl that they have met. Usually there is a Jr. and Sr. Prom and parents tend to be fine with their children dressing up and going out to the formal dance. Most people in the U.S. lose their virginity by age 17.

      When it comes to college most students go away to a university that is not near their home. This is when they get their first taste of real independence. More than likely they've broken up with their high school sweetheart prior to going away to school or shortly after when they realize it was unrealistic to for them to maintain a long-distance relationship for the next 4-6 years while away in college.

      Eventually everyone makes friends with those on campus and get involved in social activities which eventually leads to dating.

      There is no more need to sneak around and oftentimes serious couples spend most nights together after classes and studying.

      There are other reasons why a girl may never have had a boyfriend. As you mentioned she could be shy. She also could be considered fairly unattractive in the eyes of the type of guys they'd want for a boyfriend.

      A Melissa McCarthy type built woman is not going to get a Brad Pitt or George Clooney type of man for the most part. Like attracts like.

      She has a very low sexual libido. What pushes a lot of teens towards getting together is dealing with their raging hormones.

      There is also the socialization factor. As a teen you're more likely to attempt to do what your close friends are doing. If someone is not in a group that is into having relationships in high school they're probably less likely to pursue one for themselves. Birds of a feather flock together.

      Women who say they don't "need "a man are oftentimes really saying they don't "want" a man or have been unable to attract the right one so they've given up!

      It's also possible a woman may discover she's into women!

      It's not uncommon for one to discover their sexual preference in life late.

      Last but not FEAR. The fear of sexual intercourse with a guy, the fear of being dumped, the fear of heartache, and maybe the fear of getting an STD or becoming pregnant. A girl realizes dating eventually leads to kissing, fondling, and eventually some form of sex. Therefor she might avoid having a boyfriend altogether. Fear paralyzes people.

      The reality is when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success! If this were not the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts! One man's opinion!:)


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