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10 Reasons It's Hard for Asian Women to Date in the U.S.

Updated on June 24, 2019
xypherfarrell profile image

Fairlane moved to California a little less than six years ago. She wants others who immigrate to have an easier time.

Everyone thinks that if you are Asian and you move to California, you’ll just snatch some white guy and live like Cinderella. Nope! Definitely not a Cinderella life. Cinderella life before Prince Charming maybe but after Prince Charming, I wouldn’t bet on it.

The truth is if you want to snatch a white guy, go midwest. I wouldn’t know actually, obviously. What I do know is that it’s hard to find a date in California, regardless of your race but especially if you’re Asian and I’ll tell you why.

Scene from the show "Fresh of the Boat" showing two Asians fighting for the bill

1- Going dutch in the first date is very weird for a lot of Asians

Most of Asia is still patriarchal so we’re programmed that men are supposed to be the providers. I don’t, obviously, subscribe to it and Asians have evolved culturally but it doesn’t mean it’s completely flushed out of our DNAs.

Younger generation has shifted that but it is still unnerving at times to split the bill on the first date. It would nice for the guy to pick up the tab on the first date. Besides, first date usually means coffee because it’s easier to… make and excuse to leave if… the date sucks. If the girl doesn’t split the bill on the second date, you might want to think about the third date.

It’s just hard because… we’re used to a certain way and often, that’s not the culture here.

2- Casual Dating isn’t a common thing

Asians aren’t exactly direct descendants of Virgin mary, whatever the hell that means but even in this modern age, most Asian women won’t even go on the a first date if there is no intention to take it further and that’s unnerving for most Western guys because, apparently, you can date someone for 10 years and still not know whether or not they would want a relationship. Imagine thinking about the second date right when the first date is starting but flip it over and that’s us. Imagine dating someone for half a year and you don’t know if it’s just sex or if he is actually thinking about someone else during sex.

It can be very very confusing.

Pre-marital sex happens in Asia, a lot, but more often than not, it happens because the intention is still there to take it further.

Source

3- We keep on hearing about Asians making good wives

If I had a nickel for every time someone tells me Asians make good wives, i’d be paying off my country’s debts. What are we supposed to think when someone tells us that? That we won’t bore you because Asians are smart people. We always get As in school, right? but given the track record of intelligent women’s dating life, I don’t know if i would bet on that.

What i think is that it means we will do the chores, do whatever you ask, defer to your decision and never get a nanny.

Sure, our society is patriarchal but it’s also evolving. We have been tainted by Hollywood and Oprah. Come on.

4- Asian Traditions

This is not a secret but Asians are big on traditions, from a 4-month Christmas celebration to circumcision, we have the motherload and it’s important to us. It doesn’t matter our faith, if tradition dictates we must attend a midnight mass, we will do it because at some point in our life, things become less about ancestral belief and more about ways on how we keep our bond as a family.

You have to get that about us the same way we get that thanksgiving is important for you even though we think you’re supposed to be thankful everyday. Even more difficult part is that these traditions involve our family and not a lot men, white black brown yellow… would be willing to put up with family of other people.

They can hardly put up with their own family but Asian are trained to deal with our family’s, our cousin’s families, our neighbors families.


5- We are not a realization of your Asian Porn

Just because Japanese created computer games feature a female character in a school uniform with skimpy short skirts and unbuttoned white shirt doesn’t mean we will all look the same wearing the same thing.

And that Asian porn star you like watching so much is not us. If your basis for a good sex life is porn, you need to see a doctor.

We are human beings. We have our preferences and it is but human for you to get to know us instead of basing your assumptions on Porn Hub.

6- Stereotypes

There’s so many stereotypes and it’s mind boggling because even Asians get confused about other Asians and we live close. While Filpinos are procrastinators, Japanese are obsessed with time. While Koreans have Kpop, India has Bollywood.

The Philippines can fit in California but we have a hundred more languages than America. You drive for an hour and you would have probably driven to a town with 2 different languages. Korea can fit in California and it has at least 10 dialects.

We literally have thousands of religions. Hundreds of writing system and we can’t even pronounce each other’s name.

You think just because you saw someone using chopsticks the whole continent will be able to pick food with two sticks?

Just because Crazy Rich Asians is a hit doesn’t mean we’re all millionaires. Majority of Asia countries are still third world. You can’t stereotype Asians. Maybe one nationality at a time but not all Asians.

In Asia, men can't just ask a girl out on a date. There has to be a courtship period where the guy goes to the girl's house and wooe her and her family.
In Asia, men can't just ask a girl out on a date. There has to be a courtship period where the guy goes to the girl's house and wooe her and her family.

7- Not every Asian is looking for a white guy

There is an undeniable greatness in the mixture of caucasian and asian DNA but if you’re a jerk, chances are, your dna is a jerk too. And we don’t like DNA jerks. We like obedient smart kind DNAs who know how to say sorry and thank yous and excuse mes. We’re not trying to breed serial killers.

We, first and foremost, like any other human want to be respected, seen, heard, appreciated, and loved and we try to do the same. That’s what we are looking for. That’s what we want. Being white would probably be a bonus but not a requirement. So, no. Being white is not number one on our list. Maybe 29th but not number one.

8- The I love You

We like saying I love you and people here are allergic to it. Korean men say it to each other and they’re not even gay. I get that you want it to mean something when you say it but just because you say it back, it doesn’t mean you need to marry us or that you will give us half of what you own… if you own anything.

9- Not every Asian is good in Math and Science

If you want to know what’s the 20% of the total bill, get your freakin’ phone’s calculator. Don’t look at us. Just because we know how to make sense of the number doesn’t mean we can compute mathematical equations in our head. And no, we don’t know the periodic table by heart.

If you need a tutor, pay us!

10- We're humans too

Last… it has nothing to do with race which may be cheating a little bit because this post is supposed to be about Asians but not really because Asians are humans too


At the end of the day, we’re just human beings and we’re looking for people to date and unfortunately, not all people are kind and decent.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      11 months ago from Chicago

      Every minority group has it's own issues with being accepted and understood by what is considered the power structure in the U.S. the white male. Even white women have had to fight for everything. They complain about being objectified #MeToo.

      Women of all colors have been dealing with men's crap.

      There are guys of all races who may have sexual fantasies involving Asian women. In fact most men have fantasized about being with women of different races. My guess is there are plenty of Asian men who have wanted to date (white) women even if they would never marry one.

      There are some people who truly could care less about race.

      A Lexus 500LC in any color is still a Lexus 500LC.

      Lastly no one individual represents or speaks for an entire race. There very well could be some Asian women who do prefer to date men outside of their race! Interracial dating and marriage especially in large metropolitan areas is fairly common.

      I've done both dating and married outside of my race in the past as a minority. As MLK said: It's the content of one's character.

      Sometimes it's the minority who has to stop seeing themselves as simply being a color or a culture. If every time someone asks you out you assume it's because of your skin color then (you) are devaluing yourself! There is also such a thing as reverse racism.

      Some people will never bother dating people who don't look like them no matter what other qualities they have. This true not only of skin color but also weight, height, hair or lack of, and other physical attributes.

      Everyone discriminates or has "preferences" with mate selection.

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