- Gender and Relationships
10 Rules for a Good Relationship!
Dating is NEVER easy. There's disagreements, awkward chemistry, different expectations, clinginess, moodiness, and just a whole LOT of drama!!
Here are a few key things to remember when getting involved with the opposite sex.
1. Be comfortable with WHO you are.
Before we can dive into a relationship, we must first understand where we stand as well as what we stand for. Being comfortable with yourself plays a huge part in a relationship. It builds confidence, overall, making you a happier person. How can you be sure of what you want out of life if you don't even know where you're coming from? Find yourself. Find what makes you happy and BE yourself. Which leads me into my next point...
2. Like what YOU like.
For whatever reason we are convinced that we must be interested in everything our partner is---that is NOT true. I'm not going to pretend to be obsessed with sports and watch hockey 24-7, screaming for the team. When/ in all honesty, I couldn't care less. Nor do I expect my boyfriend to be 100% absorbed in Nicholas Sparks books. It's okay to be interested in different things. It helps set limits for you both and gives you hobbies outside of your relationship. Speaking of hobbies....
3. Space is GOOD.
Who says you have to see each other every night? Haven't you ever heard of the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder"? Well it's true. It does. I'm not saying you need to ignore each other and move to different cities. I'm simply saying that having your own life and spending time apart will improve your relationship. If you don't see each other every single weekend, that is okay. It's healthy, even. This makes the times that you do spend together even more satisfying, as you've longed to see them.
4. KEEP your friends.
When it comes to dating, it can often be hard not to be 100% absorbed in that person, especially when the relationship is just starting out. Everything is new and exciting and you find yourself thinking about that person ALL the time. While spending time with someone new is good, keeping your friends is equally important. Your friends are your friends for a reason. They're always there for you, support you, and will be the one to share in your joy of your new relationship (or if things go south, they'll pick you up when it's all said and done). Do not burn bridges. Make time for those people. They deserve it. Especially if all you called to them was about your date last night...
5. DO NOT GET CLINGY!!
The most unattractive thing in a relationship is clingy-ness. Desperation is equally unattractive. This all goes back to rule #1, be comfortable with who you are. The point is not to "need" your partner, it is to "want" them in your life. Being co-dependent is not healthy and can cripple you on many things in life. I have so many friends that are afraid to be alone and will spider from one relationship to another, like a monkey swinging from trees, afraid to touch the ground. It's okay to let your feet hit the ground every once in a while. In fact, that's it! Ground yourself! Get your footing, take a stand. Just BE you. You do not NEED a man or woman in your life to take care of you. You are an adult and you've made it this far, so I'm sure you'll do just fine a little longer. If you find yourself continually being a clingy partner, then maybe it's time to be single for a while.
6. Jealousy is NOT a sign that someone cares
One of my guy friends was dating this extremely jealous girl. She got mad about everything and he found it endearing. He kept telling me that she cares about him and he thought it was sweet. He failed to see it for what it was: insecurity. She wasn't happy or comfortable with herself and was constantly judging other girls, afraid that he was going to leave her. He was always an incredibly loyal boyfriend and an amazing friend--definitely a guy you want in your corner. Then here she was getting mad about facebook and when he talked to other girls. She was also extremely clingy and did not have many friends of her own. These were all very bad signs and the relationship eventually ended. It's okay to have small feelings of jealousy when a member of the opposite sex encroaches on your territory--that's normal. However, getting upset on a regular basis because your girlfriend spoke to a guy in the library about a book, is a bit much.
7. Tone it down, don't be CRAZY.
Text your boyfriend....doesn't respond. Get mad. Text him again. No response. Call him. No answer. Call again, leave a voicemail. Check his facebook---WHERE IS HE?!?!?!
Give. Him. Space.
There is nothing worse than feeling suffocated by the one you're dating. You don't even need to talk everyday. Sure, it's nice, but so is having a life. While good morning texts are nice and talking on the phone at night may bring you a smile, it's not necessary and you don't need it.
Sometimes I just have "I don't want to talk" days. I may read a text that I received at 8am and I may not respond until 4:30. Who cares. I'll get to it when I get to it, and so will HE. That does not mean he doesn't care. It just simply means that while he adores you, he has a life outside of you. Something you should do for yourself. If you call me 8 times in a row, I'm going to assume that somebody died, and IF I call you back---it had BETTER be an emergency. Because THAT is crazy. And nobody likes crazy.
8. Do not make your relationship a FACEBOOK relationship
Alright guys here it is, no one and I mean NO ONE cares what you and your partner are doing tonight. I don't care how much you love him or how beautiful you think she is. We do not need to hear about it. There is no need to post on their facebook wall about how much you love them. Tell them when you see them. Text it to them! Write a love note!! Facebook is not a place to broadcast your [fake] happiness. I'm glad you guys are having a fabulous time and your relationship is blossoming, but seriously...get a room, and preferably not a cyber one. Blah blah blah my boyfriend is the sweetest....my girlfriend has good teeth....blah. blah. blah. I'm going to vomit. Shut up. Take your girlfriend on a date, and keep it a secret. That way when you post your engagement, I'll be surprised. And hey- I LIKE surprises! (:
9. Intimacy is NOT just physical
In today's society, getting physical is something that is expected in a relationship and often sooner rather than later. We've kicked those old Biblical morals out the door and gone straight to sex tips and how to keep your partner happy. But when did intimacy become all about sex? As satisfying as that may be, original intimacy started out as something a little different--shocking, I know. Lots of things can be intimate. Long, personal talks, holding hands, hugging, sitting close to one another, love notes, brushing her hair behind her ear. Who says you have to jump straight into making out or jump into bed together? The slower you take things, the better it will be. Do you eat all of your dessert in one bite? No, you savor it, taking one bite at a time, tasting each part. That's how your relationship should be. Slowly go through it, allowing yourself to enjoy each part. There's nothing more exciting than the butterflies that stir in your stomach when you hold hands for the first time or just feeling the close proximity of the one you like. No need to jump in so quickly. Take your time, go on a few dates. Let the intimacy levels build naturally and enjoy it.
10. Love the one you're WITH
In my advanced social psychology class my senior year of college, we studied interpersonal relationships and people's need to constantly search for "someone better". We are automatically programmed to seek out alternatives. It's what we do. Society as a whole, is always looking for an upgrade. We want a bigger house, new car, the new iphone, an ipad, etc. It's engrained in us to search for better, never being content with what already exists. This is normal, however, in relationships this is a problem. It's hard to be happy in your relationship when there are constantly alternatives moving and breathing around us. This is a large reason that cheating occurs. Sometimes relationships do fail and you have to move on, but knowing the difference between staying because you're happy and staying because you're settling is huge. You ultimately need to know yourself and be confident that who you've chosen is who you should be with. Sure, there will probably always be someone prettier, smarter, funnier, etc, but it all comes down to choice. You chose to be with this person for a reason and you owe it to them to stick it out or get out. Do not constantly look for an upgrade. Work on growing in your relationship, instead. Love who you've chosen and trust yourself. That is the only true way to be happy.