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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
The Secrets That Are Okay To Keep From Your Man
Guard your relationship with the secrets you keep
While honesty is a virtue every rule has an exception and so there are some secrets you have to keep to yourself. If you want a relationship with less convictions and prejudgements you should know the difference between the secrets you should share and those that you have to keep safely hidden in your secret box.
We all have secrets. Your man has his secrets too. There are some that go deep to the foundation of the relationship and some that will not help anyone or anything and will only cause resentments and doubts when revealed.
Human beings are very judgemental. Men are especially judgmental because most of the social constructs we have were built in their favour for instance it would not shock a woman much if a man revealed that he has had very many sexual experiences but if the woman were to reveal the same, the man will immediately have doubts about her.
The last thing anyone wants is to be judged. You want to enjoy your relationship and have fun. You want to be adored and trusted. In that case you ought to know how to share meaningful secrets.
Here are some of the secrets you must never share;
Your abortion story
Unless your abortion incident has come to haunt you there's no reason why you should share it. Especially if it was a choice you made on your own. Disclosing it will not help anyone. You do not want to be judged for something you cannot change and that's why this is a secret you should carry to your grave. Men do not know what goes on in a woman's mind, they do not understand how it feels to be alone and pregnant or how a human being could decide to terminate a pregnancy. Abortion rings in their minds like a foreign story that they really cannot connect with so telling him your abortion story is pointless and the only thing he will do after listening to it will be to judge you from then henceforth.
That you had an affair with a married man
It makes you seem like someone who does not respect marriages and if you get married your man will definitely not expect you to respect your own marriage. Once you share this information now you have to keep proving your loyalty to him because he will not trust you.
The Number of men you've had sex with
There's no reason why you should share this information at all - unless you are a virgin. And if a man ever asks you how many men you have been in bed with keep the number you give as low as you can, keep it at three and stick with it. Also be sure to make it consistent with your narratives. It wouldn't make sense to say you have been with three men when you have five children with different fathers, come on girl. The main reason why he's asking you how many men you have been with is so that he may judge you. Men who ask such questions just ask to make you feel bad about yourself. Just keep the number low.
Telling him about the evil things you have secretly done against your family members or your employers or workmates etc
Keep all that to yourself. Your man is only your man when you are involved with each other but God forbid you break up and he is the vengeful type, then everyone will know your secrets because he will expose you so be careful about the things you tell him about other people.
About a crime you got away with
Letting that out will leave you at his mercy. It will leave you powerless. You fear that if you break up he will report you to the authorities. That's how people end up being victims of blackmail. When the mouth goes blabbering to the wrong people. You got away with a crime. Shut up. No one, and not just your man, should ever know unless your conscience wants you to, in which case you should share while you intend to report to the authorities.
A Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) you contracted
Unless you are still living with it you should never speak about it no matter what. Most STDs are stigmatized. In fact, all STDs are stigmatized. People look at you differently when you disclose that you have an STD, imagine how much more you are going to be judged by someone whom you intend to have sex with. Do not say a word about that STD. It's gone and buried.
Of the time when you cheated on someone
It could be just a story you are narrating for fun but just like that you would have planted seeds of distrust in your relationship. Your man probably trusts you and doesn't think you would cheat on him but once you tell him about your cheating escapades he will not trust you thereafter. Phrases such as 'once a cheat always a cheat' and ' a leopard will never change it's spots' are some of the reasons why he cannot expect you to be loyal to him if you ever cheated on anyone before.
How you once 'slept your way up' your job
If you hope that your man will trust you with your bosses after this revelation then you are delusional. Anytime you have to work late or not show up at home at all he will not trust you because you activated his suspicious mind.
That you were once a prostitute
That's something that he might eventually find out from someone else but it shouldn't come from you. It's your past and everyone has a past, leave it there unless you are still a prostitute because then you will be right to disclose your profession so that he can know what he is signing up for.
That you have a crush on someone else
That can never be right.That's so bad that it borders on cruelty. It's bad for his ego and he now has to emotionally compete against someone else if he intends to keep up with the relationship. A man needs to believe that you feel he's the best of the best. And maybe he's not but that's a secret you keep to yourself.