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The Secrets That Are Okay To Keep From Your Man

Updated on September 16, 2017
Mary Florence profile image

Mary Florence has been a freelance writer for over 5 years and she enjoys writing articles on general topics.

Guard your relationship with the secrets you keep

While honesty is a virtue every rule has an exception and so there are some secrets you have to keep to yourself. If you want a relationship with less convictions and prejudgements you should know the difference between the secrets you should share and those that you have to keep safely hidden in your secret box.

We all have secrets. Your man has his secrets too. There are some that go deep to the foundation of the relationship and some that will not help anyone or anything and will only cause resentments and doubts when revealed.

Human beings are very judgemental. Men are especially judgmental because most of the social constructs we have were built in their favour for instance it would not shock a woman much if a man revealed that he has had very many sexual experiences but if the woman were to reveal the same, the man will immediately have doubts about her.

The last thing anyone wants is to be judged. You want to enjoy your relationship and have fun. You want to be adored and trusted. In that case you ought to know how to share meaningful secrets.

Here are some of the secrets you must never share;

Your abortion story

Unless your abortion incident has come to haunt you there's no reason why you should share it. Especially if it was a choice you made on your own. Disclosing it will not help anyone. You do not want to be judged for something you cannot change and that's why this is a secret you should carry to your grave. Men do not know what goes on in a woman's mind, they do not understand how it feels to be alone and pregnant or how a human being could decide to terminate a pregnancy. Abortion rings in their minds like a foreign story that they really cannot connect with so telling him your abortion story is pointless and the only thing he will do after listening to it will be to judge you from then henceforth.

That you had an affair with a married man

It makes you seem like someone who does not respect marriages and if you get married your man will definitely not expect you to respect your own marriage. Once you share this information now you have to keep proving your loyalty to him because he will not trust you.

The Number of men you've had sex with

There's no reason why you should share this information at all - unless you are a virgin. And if a man ever asks you how many men you have been in bed with keep the number you give as low as you can, keep it at three and stick with it. Also be sure to make it consistent with your narratives. It wouldn't make sense to say you have been with three men when you have five children with different fathers, come on girl. The main reason why he's asking you how many men you have been with is so that he may judge you. Men who ask such questions just ask to make you feel bad about yourself. Just keep the number low.

Telling him about the evil things you have secretly done against your family members or your employers or workmates etc

Keep all that to yourself. Your man is only your man when you are involved with each other but God forbid you break up and he is the vengeful type, then everyone will know your secrets because he will expose you so be careful about the things you tell him about other people.

About a crime you got away with

Letting that out will leave you at his mercy. It will leave you powerless. You fear that if you break up he will report you to the authorities. That's how people end up being victims of blackmail. When the mouth goes blabbering to the wrong people. You got away with a crime. Shut up. No one, and not just your man, should ever know unless your conscience wants you to, in which case you should share while you intend to report to the authorities.

A Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) you contracted

Unless you are still living with it you should never speak about it no matter what. Most STDs are stigmatized. In fact, all STDs are stigmatized. People look at you differently when you disclose that you have an STD, imagine how much more you are going to be judged by someone whom you intend to have sex with. Do not say a word about that STD. It's gone and buried.

Of the time when you cheated on someone

It could be just a story you are narrating for fun but just like that you would have planted seeds of distrust in your relationship. Your man probably trusts you and doesn't think you would cheat on him but once you tell him about your cheating escapades he will not trust you thereafter. Phrases such as 'once a cheat always a cheat' and ' a leopard will never change it's spots' are some of the reasons why he cannot expect you to be loyal to him if you ever cheated on anyone before.

How you once 'slept your way up' your job

If you hope that your man will trust you with your bosses after this revelation then you are delusional. Anytime you have to work late or not show up at home at all he will not trust you because you activated his suspicious mind.

That you were once a prostitute

That's something that he might eventually find out from someone else but it shouldn't come from you. It's your past and everyone has a past, leave it there unless you are still a prostitute because then you will be right to disclose your profession so that he can know what he is signing up for.

That you have a crush on someone else

That can never be right.That's so bad that it borders on cruelty. It's bad for his ego and he now has to emotionally compete against someone else if he intends to keep up with the relationship. A man needs to believe that you feel he's the best of the best. And maybe he's not but that's a secret you keep to yourself.


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    • Mary Florence profile image

      Mary Florence 6 months ago

      No, thanks a lot, but they aren't about me, I'm just writing my mind.

      Keeping silent about irrelevant matters doesn't mean you aren't authentic. It just means you know what to say to the right person. Relationships are fickle. If you do not want to be judged, or you do not want your ex-partner to leave with your secrets, then keep them to yourself.

    • profile image

      Dieter 6 months ago

      Ok hard stuff, well to be honest, now man do not want to hear this. You are right, it is better not to wake up sleeping dogs. But be carful, you should still be authentic. If all of the above apply for you you might want to talk about it and clear some things out, you have a major problem

    • Mary Florence profile image

      Mary Florence 6 months ago

      I agree entirely

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 months ago

      I agree no guy would want a player around his lady (alone) but he'd have no problem bring the guy around his lady to a party or double date. If a woman thinks another woman is a slut she wouldn't want that woman in the same room with her man! She's also afraid men will think she's like her.

      You're correct that age and maturity are often two different things but generally speaking with age does come wisdom for most people. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes.

      No we can't sample every man or woman in the world. However we can fine tune our "mate selection process" and "must haves list" based upon our past experiences.

      People talk about society as if it's a "third person".

      We are society! The double standard exists because (women) care what (men) think about them while men don't care what women think.

      It's not as if women applaud, approve, or want men to be promiscuous. They've been known to call such men "dogs", "low life", and "hoe chasers" but as I said the primary difference is a man could care less what a woman thinks unless he thinks (she) is "special". Society is made up of two genders with opposing views. Women realize men aren't going to change.

      Men would rather impress and be respected by other men. Ironically if they accomplish this (women) tend to admire them too! They want to be with a man other men look up to.

    • Mary Florence profile image

      Mary Florence 6 months ago

      Thans a lot.

      A man would not want his playing BUDDY around his woman. Let's be honest. And that's the same situation with women. It's not about "bringing each other down", but rather about placing boundaries. Human beings are conscious about territories.

      Also unfortunately, maturity and age are not synonymous. I wish they were but they really are not. Maturity is not even a permanent state, it's just how a person chooses to reason or act at any time. We can act very mature but once in a while the immature part of us can slip out. And that's when we could find ourselves asking immature questions like " How many people have you slept with?"

      In my opinion, if the question is immature there's no point giving it an honest answer because it will definitely be countered by an immature reaction. As I said, honesty is indeed the best policy, but there are exceptions. My advice to women is just to keep the number low. There are billions of men out there but we do not have the time to sample them all. We just want one man but we aren't saints so we shouldn't strive to act like we are. Let's just have fun let's talk about the things that really matter.

      And I agree, men do not care what women think. The standards that society has on men on sexuality are lower than what it expects of women. When you hear " cannot keep having sex like a man" you just know it's only acceptable for the men to be promiscuous but not the other way round yet the same society expects men of a certain age to behave in a certain way, so a man over 30 years showing off the number of women he has been with is also abnormal. He could be a mature man just acting childish, but society doesn't care either.

      "If you are a grown man think and act like one"~ Society

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 months ago

      "Men are especially judgmental because most of the social constructs...." Actually most guys after reaching a certain age do not want to know a lot of these secrets.

      Guys for example in their late 30s, 40s, and beyond generally won't be asking a woman how many lovers she has had.

      Questions like these are a sign of immaturity and insecurity.

      These days it's not unusual to see younger guys dating older women and I bet most of them aren't asking those women about their past sexual escapades.

      Essentially it's teenagers and guys in their 20s who desire to be the more sexually experienced person in the relationship. Older guys appreciate a woman with skills!

      Having said that I believe if someone asks you a point blank question the best options are to tell the truth or say it's none of their business. Lying and getting caught later erodes any trust you may have established.

      The goal is to be loved and appreciated for who you are.

      If someone holds your past against you then he's not "the one". Thank God there are over 7 Billion other people! NEXT!

      You will never truly be free until you don't care what others think.

      One reason why a "double standard" exists regarding promiscuity is because (men) don't care what women think!

      Another reason is their fellow men look up to their sexual exploits. What would happen if women didn't put each other down? and stopped caring what men thought?

      Oftentimes it's women who will be the first to call other women sluts for the way they dress and conduct themselves.

      Men also don't feel threatened to have a "player" for a best friend but most women don't want to associate women who are known for being promiscuous. They're afraid she might go after (their man). There is no real "sisterhood".