ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

10 Things That Can Ruin The Best of Romantic Picnics

Updated on March 25, 2015
Finally, time to enjoy a get-away
Finally, time to enjoy a get-away | Source
"What? Rain?"
"What? Rain?"
"You are the prettiest girl I know."
"You are the prettiest girl I know."

What a great day

If there were such a thing as "the perfect day," you have found it, my friend. You must have done everything right. You are one who has dotted all of his "I's" and crossed all of his "T's." Even Karma is afraid of you. To top if off, it is mid-June, summer is here and you have this smoking-hot girlfriend who is the president of a highly-sucessful bank in your hometown.

Life is good.

You are to the point of actually worrying about things being so good in your life afraid that it will crash all around you like a "house of cards." But then you have this terrific idea. You will surprise your amazingly-gorgeous girlfriend and take her on a good, old-fashioned picnic just like couples did in the olden days.

Without as much as a mild question, your girlfriend jumps on this opportunity.

"You are so sweet," she says. "Only you could think of something so unique and perfect."

Teenage couple enjoy a picnic date
Teenage couple enjoy a picnic date | Source
"Let's do this more often."
"Let's do this more often."

Can it get any better?

She says this because since you have known her, you have taken her to uptown posh restaurants, the opera, ballet, two-week cruises, and given her a boxcar full of lavish gifts. It was great timing to have a picnic with her.

But look out, my trusted friend. You are not Superman. There is some kryptonite in your near future. And it is called . . .

10 Things That Can Ruin The Most-Romantic of Picnics

Natasha Hamilton and  Richie Neville
Natasha Hamilton and Richie Neville
"Here, eat this neck bone"
"Here, eat this neck bone"
"Work? Nahh. Let's quit."
"Work? Nahh. Let's quit."
"Is that fried chicken I smell?"
"Is that fried chicken I smell?"
"Hey, you are not 'Julie'!"
"Hey, you are not 'Julie'!"
"That tidal wave is getting close, so do ya' think we better get to safety?"
"That tidal wave is getting close, so do ya' think we better get to safety?"
"You have three eyes?"
"You have three eyes?"
"Here. I will get drunk and you can have your way with me"
"Here. I will get drunk and you can have your way with me"
"Are you asleep?"
"Are you asleep?"

1.) TOM JONES -- famous retired singing-idol just happens to be getting in his rowing exercise in the small lake near where you and your girlfriend are getting ready to have a great romantic picnic. Jones brings his boat up to the shore and your girlfriend almost goes nuts. She has adored Jones since she was eleven. Jones is flattered at her waving and squealing at him, so he sidles over, sits down cross-legged and begins to talk mostly to her, not you. Your girlfriend lays on her stomach and fixes her eyes on him telltale after tale of his life as a singer whom his fans worshipped. Face it. The day is shot. The mood is gone. You just wish Tom Jones was gone also.

2.) WHILE SITTING DOWN -- on the blanket to enjoy the food, your girlfriend is suddenly stung by an angry honeybee who was feasting on the wild flowers. Now it's off to the emergency room for you two.

3.) WHILE CARRYING THE PICNIC BASKET -- you are blinded by the noon-day sun and run into a small Oak tree sending you to the hard ground causing a big red scrape to appear on your face. You need your girlfriend's sympathy, but she chastises you for hurting a young Oak sapling.

4.) YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S STOMACH -- doesn't feel just right and she has to get you to take her back 20 miles to the "one' country store you passed so she can visit the ladies room and empty her stomach.

5.) WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS A -- friendly pup, ends up biting you on the right leg and almost tears your arm off in an awful display of anger. Now before you two eat lunch, your girlfriend has to rush you to the emergency room, but Tom Jones, who hasn't left yet, keeps your girlfriend company sitting with her in the front seat and his presence gives her moral support while your shin is now swelled bigger than a life raft.

6.) WHEN YOU THREE -- return from the emergency room, Tom Jones finally leaves and you couldn't be happier. Now it's time for some intimacy with your girl friend. But you do not watch where you are going to sit and you end up (no pun intended) with your butt in the biggest fire anthill you have ever seen.

7.) YOUR GIRLFRIEND NOW -- gets upset at noticing a runner in her pantyhose while she is preparing a plate of good food for you. You laugh and ask, "Sweetie, why would a woman wear pantyhose on such a hot day?" This further infuriates her and she stomps off in anger yelling, "You are such a dork. You don't understand women like Tom Jones!"

8.) NOW THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND -- is over her anger, you and her start to eat the fine food in the picnic basket that by the grace of God, is not ruined, and before you know it, two rough necks stumble up to where you two are about to eat. Once again you are totally-ignored by your girlfriend and these two rough necks who are "talking up a storm." You clear your throat as a signal for the rough necks to leave. This action embarasses your girlfriend into tongue lashing you in front of them because they are two of her close male friends who went to college with her.

9.) THE AREA PARK RANGER -- walks up to your picnic area and asks for your identification. You and your girlfriend hand him the proper identification and he asks you where is your permit to have a picnic in this place. You did not see the broze plaque telling you that this area is on the list of Federal Landmarks and there is no trespassing at any time. Well, now you are out $155.00 for the ticket the ranger gives you. Plus you are out $200.00 for both you and your girlfriend's visits to the emergency room miles away.

10.) FINALLY, PEACE AND QUIET -- and no one or nothing to bother you two as the afternoon is fading into early evening. You are famished so you tear-off a chunk of drumstick and then while trying to swallow, the chicken gets stuck in your throat.

But you do not complain. You simply hand your girlfriend your credit card and you two head for the same emergency room miles away. So what's another hundred bucks?

At least Tom Jones is gone.

Time for Kim Novak and William Holden

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)