- Gender and Relationships»
10 True Qualities of a Toxic Friend
1: They criticize you instead of support you.
Good a new job? Got into your dream school? Great news! Now, time to tell your friends and family. Oh wait, there is that one person who you literally want to keep good news from, and that is your toxic friend. Most likely, sharing good news with this person only causes them to first of all:
1. doubt the truth of your good news. For example "Are you sure that they hired you? You probably got the wrong idea."
2. fail to congratulate you and instead, stay silent and continue doubting the validity of your newfound fortune.
Also, whenever you want to share with your friends about a new passion or career that you want to pursue, this toxic friend will only shut it down without a valid facts or solid research. You also want to be careful while listening to these people, because they can be so bad that you actually start to believe them! Hence, these people stop you from pursuing things that may have drastically improved your life.
2: They talk about you behind your back.
Whether it's a joke or harmless gossiping for the sake of passing the time, talking behind someone's back is not respectful nor is it logical, especially if you're a guy. Also, especially if you're talking about one of your friends! Regardless of the reason why Toxic Friend A is talking behind your back is not important. It simply shows that they are insecure with the satisfaction of their own life that they have to gossip about yours. It creates a distraction and allows them to become more emotionally involved with your life. That way, they won't have to think so much about the negatives in their own.
3. They use you.
They may criticize you, gossip about you, and even lie to you. But one major trait of a toxic friend is that they never fail to hide the fact that they only act out of their own self interest. Even if they have something negative to say about anything you do, they will try to take advantage of you and use you for things such as money, car rides, and connections. Also, since toxic people are naturally incapable of logic and compromise, they will ignore and hate you if you refuse. That's just the way they are.
4: They love drama.
Toxic people love drama more than fathers love spying on their daughters. Any chance or opportunity that comes up, toxic friends will always find a way to blow a situation out of proportion. Also, they will stick onto this drama like a disease and never shut up about it. Whether it's drama about picking the radio station in the car or about splitting the tab at a restaurant, toxic people will never fail to create a problem. The worst part of it is, toxic people will never forget these meaningless dramatic episodes, so don't expect bygones to be bygones.
5: They are irrational and incapable of communication.
Toxic friends don't use logic or ration. Instead, they use emotion as their ultimate decider on what is going to happen. They are also incapable of communication with people. Communication, especially communication between friends, should always be a 2-way process: one talks while the other listens, and then the two roles switch. Each person listens to the needs of the other, and eventually they work out a compromise. With toxic friends, the concept of compromise is as foreign to them as purchasing guns at a Walmart is to Europeans. It is their way or the highway, and there is absolutely no chance of them ever listening to what other people feel or want. At the end of the day, toxic friends are sort of like a dead end: there is no getting through to them.
6: They are jealous and insecure.
The next time you feel any sign of your toxic friend doing his/her thing, take a moment and assess where that person is at in their life. It's extremely rare that a toxic friend is someone who is successful, lives on their own, has a fulfilling career, and has an endless list of opportunities awaiting them. Why? Because those types of people have too many positive things going on for them that they don't have the time or energy to literally suck the life out of their own friends. 99.9 percent of the time, toxic friends are people who still living at home, dropped out of school, not working, and is clueless about what they want to do with their life. With that being said, they cope with their insecurity with their lives by acting insanely jealous of your fortune and good luck and even go as far as to discourage you. These people should be avoided at all costs. Otherwise, their negativity and bitterness can literally spread to your liver.
7: They are untrustworthy.
This should go without saying, but the idea of leaving your wallet near this person is almost as unpleasant as eating sand. Also, leaving this toxic friend alone in a room with your significant other is something that you would rather die than have to do. After countless spotting at restaurants, pick-ups, you still can't trust this person to do one tiny favor for you.
8: They are afraid of change.
It occurs in their thought process. Toxic friends are doomed to failure because they are simply terrified of the idea of change. They will never leave their comfort zone or try new things. Normally, their comfort zone will be living at mom's house and trying new things would consist of getting a job or going to college. Not only are toxic people terrified of change, they will make excuses to the death on why they shouldn't undergo these changes.
9: THEY WANT YOU TO FAIL.
Why did I put this one in caps? Because personally, I believe it's the most ironic. Why? Because it's blows my mind that someone who is supposed to be your friend would actually wish bad upon you. However, there is a reason. If they can't have happiness, no one can. That's how it works in their mind. Instead, they criticize, discourage, and throw every illogical reason at you as to why you shouldn't pursue a certain career, passion, college, sport, anything.
10: They want to control you.
Last, but not least, toxic people are obsessed with control. Discouraging you out of pursuing anything in life is their strategy for making sure you stay exactly where you are, just like them. If you advance in life by progressing in your career or passion, they are failing at their mission. Also, the thought of you moving away is horrifying to them since it creates the idea that you will move on from them and make new friends who will actually support and encourage the things you do. Toxic friends need to be banished for good, otherwise, they can be cancerous.
They shouldn't exist, but unfortunately, they do. Why they exist is beyond me and humanity will probably never know. The best way to deal with toxic friends is to cut them off gradually instead of abruptly. The reason why is because since these people are already incapable of normal communication, distancing yourself from this person at a gradual pace is a way to ensure your personal safety because again, they can be irrational and sometimes take means of violence.
My friend, good luck in your journey in life and remember: life is too short to surround yourself with people who simply drain your energy away.