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10 Warning Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship You May Not Be Aware Of

Updated on June 9, 2019

Gaslighting can be described as the manipulation of an individual through psychological means so that they end up wondering about their own sanity. This is usually at the hands of a person with symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). If this sounds like you or if you are wondering if you are the victim of this kind of behavior, read on for our 10 warning signs on how to tell if your significant other is a gaslighter...

10 Warning Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship You May Not Be Aware Of
10 Warning Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship You May Not Be Aware Of

1.) You Find Yourself Lying Just To Keep The Peace.

Eminem Ft. Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie
Eminem Ft. Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie | Source

Many victims of gaslighting in relationships are not natural liars but find that they need to lie simply to keep the peace.

This is particularly prevalent in situations where your partner (or person with whom you are in an unhealthy relationship) is angered easily.

The result is that you find you need to bend the truth, a little or a lot so that you can avoid verbal or physical abuse due to not following their “rules”.Don’t fall into this trap and don’t make yourself a liar because you are in a relationship with a gaslighter.

2.) You No Longer Know What Is Considered Normal.

The lover often insists that unhealthy or immoral scenarios are completely normal and practically forces you to admit the same. This is typical gaslighting behavior.

An example could be if your partner asks you to lie about the bruises on your arms. If you refuse, they may pass threats to break-up or commit suicide.

Again, don’t fall into the trap of complying with them as this is how they are manipulating you.

3.) You're Being Tricked Into Thinking You're The One With Mental Issues.

It goes without saying that narcissism is very unhealthy and even pathological mentally.

The gaslighting effect can be clearly seen in an individual who, when not getting their way, will insist that YOU are the one who is paranoid, angry, unreasonable and/or hormonal.

They might even tell you that you require medication or therapy to deal with your so-called issues. Obviously, the case is the exact opposite and they're the one who needs treatment. At the end of the day, a narcissist always wants to be in control.

4.) You Stop Speaking Your Mind.

It is only natural for any (healthy) human being to want to express their thoughts about experiences and beliefs.

If there is someone in your life with whom you are afraid to do this, you could very well be a victim of gaslighting. At times, you will cease talking about yourself in fear of angering the other person.

In extreme cases, you may even forget how to talk about yourself and your experiences. How scary is that?

5.) Your Fears May Be Used Against You.

When you first meet someone with narcissistic tendencies, they are usually friendly, charming and charismatic. Don’t be fooled because when they are listening to you, they are mentally memorizing any fears or insecurities that you may express to them.

This will later be used against you in an attempt to manipulate you. For example, if you tell them you are afraid of spiders, they may often scare you into believing that there is a spider nearby.

This sounds very cruel but it is the way in which they operate- be aware. Remember, a gaslighter always has to be the strongest one in the relationship and this explains why they love manipulating your fears.

6.) You Start To Question Your Own Mind.

While in a relationship with the gaslighting type, you may well find them suggesting that they know exactly what you are thinking and feeling. If you deny this, they will tell you that you are lying.

You can easily spot this by their facial expressions and words that indicate you don’t know how you, yourself, are feeling or thinking.

Don’t waste your breath arguing with them because these kinds of folks will never admit that they are wrong.

7.) You May Then Sink Into A State Of Depression.

A gasser can sometimes be ruthless and will never let up. You will be constantly told that you are over-sensitive and paranoid. This is why you, as a victim, will begin to feel worn out, hopeless, sad and depressed.

It is only natural that you will feel this way after being taken on a veritable roller-coaster ride of emotions. If you are aware that you are in a relationship or marriage with a narcissist, you should not come off as confusing.

In addition, rather than seeking help for your “problem” rather address the issues with them. As soon as this poisonous relationship is over, your depression should fade away with time.

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8.) You Become Confused About What To Believe and Perceive.

When you are constantly being told that your beliefs and perceptions are false, at some point, you will begin to doubt yourself.

For example, they love to tell you that other, healthy relationships you have are no good.

Why? Because they want you to sabotage those relationships. You should, therefore, take anything that they tell you with a pinch of salt.

9.) Your Memory Becomes Fuzzy.

Ever heard of selective memory? Well, that state of mind could definitely have been invented by a person of narcissism!

If you are continuously being denied that they hurt you or they make empty promises, this is a telltale warning sign.

You do not have memory problems- you are definitely being gassed up and need to take a step back from your relationship with that person to avoid being taken advantage of.


10.) You Believe That You Are Going Insane.

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If you have ever been in a close relationship with a professional narcissist, you will understand the full intensity of their manipulation on your life!

They are also extremely convincing so, even if you are correct, they will have you believe that you were wrong.

After the fact, you may feel confused as to what just happened.

Let Us Know:

Which of these warning signs ring true for you?

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Helpful Video On How To Deal With Gaslighting

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    • profile image

      UseCare 

      4 months ago

      Oh, I didn’t see dashingscorpio’s comment. It’s a shame I cannot post some of the events that happened since I left... I always thought that too, dashing, just get out, why do women stay? What’s wrong with them? Oh, I learned why, what it takes, what happens...

    • profile image

      UseCare 

      4 months ago

      I did not realize how scary these type can be. I never met anyone like this person before. I thought moving far away would finalize the end of the relationship until odd things started occurring in my home. I laughed it off at first - remembering this was how I used to live because it was how things had been prior to me moving - NEVER realizing that “someone” had been in my home! (I do not want to say what type of things were happening.) A few particular and scary events then happened and there was no doubt it was the former. No sign of forced entry whatsoever during any of these “events”. This continues despite police activities. I have to be vague about everything that I write.. It is unbelievable to think this is happening now because of the magical start of the relationship. Anyway, some advice that might sound expensive now but it could save you $$$ in the long run plus more importantly... IMMEDIATELY change ALL of your passwords - everyone single one!!! If you have absolutely have to write them down then put them on something that you can hide. These type of people will be all over everything. Everything, everywhere. Yes, even the back of the bureau. Consider a new home, perhaps you can’t. Either way, I suggest hidden cameras with a router and modem changeout, preferably with a new internet provider. Be aware that any provider parked in your drive may possibly be viewed and phoned later with a great story by a stalker or girl/friend of stalker. (Remember how bad the ex was spoken of? They can spin a great story and most likely have your SS # even if you may not think so! I had my credit reports taken. I always thought I was pretty savvy.) Get a new bank account. Get a new computer - even a used one until you can afford a new one. New email address. Please give some serious thought to your social media accounts. I really like my iPhone now but know how to use settings. Set PIN numbers on your phone- not just the start menu - but in all settings. I believe Apple offers courses. I never, ever thought I would be in this position nor did I think I would sound like this, spouting off about changing passwords, installing cameras, etc. Please give serious thought to this, I beg you!! It may save your life!! I still could lose mine at some point, I don’t know. I’m writing this in hopes that whoever may read this will strongly consider the advice or tell their family, friends, acquaintances about the advice. It is hard-learned advice. God bless you all.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      10 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Not everyone is in a position to leave this type of person. Circumstances are sometimes such, that the victim has absolutely no choice.

      Thank you for this very informative and helpful article. I'm holding on to this!

    • Mind5 profile imageAUTHOR

      Viral Mindz 

      11 months ago from West Haven, CT

      Well said, Dashingscorio. However, it's sad to say that some people choose not to leave at first for a number of reasons:

      1.) Hoping the gaslighter will change.

      2.) They don't realize they're being manipulated at the time.

      3.) Feeling like they have nowhere else to go (depression caused by narcissistic behavior will make you feel this way)

      4.) The fear of losing everything they own

      5.) The fear of being alone

      and much more depending on the person.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      11 months ago

      "..you find you need to bend the truth, a little or a lot so that you can avoid verbal or physical abuse due to not following their “rules”. Don’t fall into this trap and don’t make yourself a liar because you are in a relationship with a gaslighter!"

      I imagine if someone has decided to stay with such a person they will do whatever they deem necessary to keep the peace. The solution isn't to stop lying but rather find the courage to leave!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our has our boundaries and "deal breakers".

      No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.

      We're always where we choose to be.

      Insecure people pleasers or those overly enamored with someone are likely to bend over backwards in order to avoid being abandoned. They want to bask in his/her limelight.

      They don't feel special without the love of a narcissist.

      If you're unhappy, can't relax, or simply be yourself odds are you're in a toxic relationship. Walking on eggshells and second guessing yourself is not the other person's fault.

      It's your choice to leave or stay.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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