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10 Ways How You Cannot Be Evicted From Your Friend's Wedding Reception

Updated on May 11, 2016
The happy couple get the first dance
The happy couple get the first dance | Source

Something brand new

I am experimenting with something new. Brand-spanking new, friends. Just what is the difference in "brand new" and "brand-spanking new?" This has always bothered me. I can appreciate just how sophisticated my HubPages followers are, so I can confess such things without fear of condemnation.

Typical wedding reception scenes

Bouquet toss
Bouquet toss | Source
A creative bride tosses a cat instead of her bouquet
A creative bride tosses a cat instead of her bouquet | Source
Fancy tables for family and friends
Fancy tables for family and friends | Source
The bridal couple's cake
The bridal couple's cake | Source
Guest registry
Guest registry | Source
Beautiful flowers
Beautiful flowers | Source
Groomsmen getting wild
Groomsmen getting wild | Source
The groom finds the bride's garter
The groom finds the bride's garter | Source

My new experiment

Is simply this. This piece is entitled . . .

10 Ways For You Not to Be Evicted From Your Friend's Wedding Reception

and I did not see the purpose of telling all of you the definition of a wedding reception. You all have busy lives with things to do and kids to raise, so by me just going into my lecture will not just save you time, but save what I have left of my fingers.
Here goes.

Smile No Matter What - - even if there are people at the wedding reception who love to drink heavily and argue about the color of Jesus' eyes. A beaming smile on your face and no arguing will "take the wind from their sails" and leave you be.

Watch Your Alcohol - - consumption. Go to the wedding reception with a gameplan. Do not drink too much alcohol. That is the best game plan of all. Even if you are the "County Beer Guzzling Champ," five years running, remember that a wedding reception is not about you, but the happy couple who have just said their "I do's."

Have Cash Ready - - to discreetly hand to people who are frowning at you although you were invited by either the bride or groom. Money talks is more than an old saying. Just slip one of these would-be troublemakers a five-dollar bill and see if he will leave you alone.

Do Not Eat - - as if there will be no more food ever on Planet Earth. The friends of the happy wedded couple will soon notice that you have made six consecutive trips to the buffet table. Eat and drink in moderation.

Be Quick - - to work at being obscure, not the "life of the party." Sit in the dark shadows in the back of the reception room and enjoy your one brew and one plate of assorted meats and cheeses from "Gilbert's Grocery Galaxy."

If Asked To - - dance by the bride, do so in an humble manner, but let her outdo you with her slick, graceful dance moves. Her new husband, your best pal from years ago, will appreciate you not showing him up in front of his family and friends.

Be Very Passive - - with the hot bridesmaids. Some of these beauties drink more than a Navy SEAL on leave and can be very aggressive, so watch yourself when they see you are alone. If they do want to dance with you, agree and then do some slow dancing while telling them the dangers of drinking and driving. You will not be more popular by doing this, but you might save one life.

Absolutely Do Not - - take it on yourself (with or without alcohol) to do a one-man show even if you are the one the wedded couple asked to make the bridal toast. I know that the temptation is evident for you to crack wise and tell funny stories, but a simple heart-felt toast will more than suffice.

Be Helpful - - to those who you know cannot operate a motor vehicle. Volunteer to drive them home. Why not? You can be a good guy and help someone avoid a hefty traffic fine, jail time and having to head to "Driving School" for six Saturdays.

Have An - - "Accountability Partner" with you at this gala event. Just in case you fall prey to the temptation of "drinking like a fish," and showing your butt like a redneck. Have a good friend, male or female to keep a watch on you and before you act stupid, they can quietly walk over and take control of what you are about to do and sit down with you to have a plate of chicken casserole.

Question: Do you like or dislike this new style of hubbing? You may leave your answer in the Comment Boxes. Thanks a lot.

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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 18 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Chatty Chat,

      Thank you and I appreciate your time and input.

      If most people would follow a few of these tips, there would be more successful wedding receptions.

      Write me anytime.

    • Chatty Chat profile image

      Cindy 18 months ago from Planet Earth

      A very entertaining and informative article.