- Gender and Relationships»
- Happy Marriages
10 Ways to Show Your Wife That You Love Her
You may love your wife, but may have a hard time showing it. Maybe you just do not know what to do exactly. We all crave love from others, women especially. This list is not an exhaustive list of how to love your wife. It is based on Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. In this book Dr. Gary Chapman says that all persons have a primary way in which they feel love from others. These “love languages” are:
2.) Acts of Service
3.) Physical Touch
4.) Quality Time
5.) Words of Affirmation
The key in the book is to discover what “love language” your spouse has, and use that to love her the way that she most appreciates. This list is a list of suggestions of how to love your wife better. There are many other ways, but I have found these to be the best ways in my marriage.
1. Buy Her Flowers
My wife loves flowers. I seriously do not buy her enough flowers. I really should buy more because there is nothing that makes her happier. For a few dollars, you can get some beautiful, scented lilies that open up and get better over time. You can even order flowers online, although I would buy them from a florist. I once bought flowers online for my wife. $70 later (these were expensive flowers) they came in a box and were dead upon arrival. She did appreciate the thought, but you want something that is going to remind her of you for more than the time it takes to put them in the trash. Some people say that you should stay away from grocery store flowers. I recently bought six roses from a grocery store for my wife. They were better than most flowers that I got her from a florist, at a fraction of the cost. This may be a good way to go if you are tight on cash. All women love flowers and this is always a nice gesture.
2. Do the Dishes
Maybe you do the cooking for your family. If you’re like my family, your wife does most of the cooking and the rest of the family assists her. I am personally very grateful for my wife’s cooking. Without it, I would probably starve, or at least be constantly ill due to my terrible diet. One outward way of showing this gratitude is to do the dishes. Cooking dinner is a big job in and of itself. I love when my wife cooks for me. It is one of the best ways that she serves me. Your wife will really appreciate you doing the dishes for her. Make sure to articulate that you do it out of gratitude for the delicious meals that she so graciously makes you every night. Your wife will appreciate that gesture and it will bring a lot of joy to dinner time. Doing the dishes is one of my favorite ways to serve my wife.
3. Change Diapers
If you have small children, changing diapers is always a good gesture. I have heard some stories about some fathers making it all the way through life without even changing a diaper. I could personally not live with myself if I allowed that to happen. My wife would be furious, and rightly so. My wife had a C-section during the birth of our son. For the first week and a half of his life, my wife was hopped up on painkillers and completely unable to take care of him on her own. I had to change every diaper that he had. It was a quick learning experience for me. However, if you were not blessed with this wonderful experience of closely bonding with your child during his/her first days out of the womb, your wife would make a great teacher. All you have to do is ask. I learned primarily from the nurses and midwives in the hospital. From there, it was pretty much trial and error. Changing diapers is one of the more manly things that you can do. I guarantee your wife will thank you for it.
4. Buying Her a Card
Buying your wife a card will almost always go over well. For just a few dollars you can purchase a card with a short and sweet message on it. You don’t have to spend a fortune to make your wife feel appreciated. A nice “Because I love you” card will always do the trick. Try to find a card that is appropriate to a certain life situation. That way, she will derive more meaning from it. Before my wife and I were married, we lived very far apart. Since we were not close to one another, we had to rely on loving each other through long-distance communication. I would pick up a card for her whenever I was at the grocery store and send it to her through the mail. It was one of the great things that she loved me for. To be perfectly honest, now that we are married, I do not do this as much as I used to. I pick up the occasional card, and she is always glad that I did. If you want to score some easy bonus points with your wife, this is one way to do it.
5. Give Her a Massage
My wife loves massages. Since we had to cancel our weekly night out recently due to financial reasons, I have promised to make Fridays about her. Part of that is a weekly foot and back massage. Women, especially mothers, have a lot of stress in their lives. My wife is a teacher, which can be an extremely stressful job. Dealing with twenty-two children and their parents is no easy task. What way to relieve her burdens and help her relax than giving her a nice massage. A massage costs nothing and will go a very long way. Just make sure that you’re ready and willing to spend a long length of time on this. She will be very unhappy if the massage is short-lived. I find that at the end of a long week it can be difficult for me to give her the massage that she truly wants. However, there are products out there that can help with this. When my wife was pregnant, our birthing class instructor suggested we buy a rolling pin for when she is in labor. This was to help massage her back. Although she is not in labor at the end of every week, it still works as a good massage item where I have to spend less energy. I am sure that there are other products out there. Just try and discover what works for you.
6. Take Her on a Date—With No Kids
When our son was first born, my wife and I would always take him out to dinner with us when we went out on our weekly date. This was almost always a terrible idea, because we did not spend any time on each other and it did not truly build our relationship. I love my son, but my wife and I also need time to ourselves to discuss our lives and our hopes and dreams. This is not something that we do often (such as weekly) but we try to do it as often as possible. A good goal would be to do it monthly. Paying for a sitter can end up being very costly. If you are able to afford a sitter regularly, then by all means take her out weekly. I recommend doing something where you can both talk, and also something where you can have fun together (such as dinner and then mini-golf afterwards).
7. Tell Her That You Love Her
This is something that you should do at least daily. As humans, we crave words of affirmation. You may love your wife in many different ways, but she needs to hear that you love her. Saying “I love you” is a great way to do this. There are also other ways to do this. My wife recently pointed out to me that I always say that I appreciate her and that she does a great job. However, according to her, she needs to hear exactly what she is doing a great job at. I have been trying to be better about giving her concrete examples of what she does. The key in this is to not take her for granted. For example, my wife makes the bed every day. When I come home and see the bed freshly made, I always try to thank her for it. Or when she starts telling me how our son was difficult this morning, I always thank her for being a great mom. We all need to be affirmed for what we do. There is no better way to do this than by telling your wife that you love her and affirm her. Just like a team member (you are on a team by the way) she will only get better at being a wife and mother by receiving feedback from you.
8. Listen to her
Wives love when you listen to them. Listening shows that you have respect for her, that you care about her, and that you want to offer help if asked. It is a huge temptation to jump right in and start helping without being asked. Try to avoid this if you can. Ask her if she wants your help first. Sometimes wives just want someone to listen to them. It is very important to be an active listener. Offer feedback. Active listening shows that you are selfless. Wives appreciate when you can show selflessness. After all, is selflessness not the basis for love and a strong marriage?! So many marriages today have problems because of selfishness. Especially if you are a talker, one of the most selfless things that you can do is listen to somebody. Not only will that show your love and affection, but you will learn her needs and concerns. Learning your wives needs and concerns will help to love her better.
9. Cuddling with Her
My wife loves to cuddle more than anything. She looks forward to me initiating cuddle time with her whether it is on the couch or in bed. Cuddling builds intimacy and allows for a better relationship. It allows you to be closer with your wife. Cuddling is one of the best ways to have quality time with your wife. Cuddling is also one of the easiest ways to show your wife that you love her. It takes minimal effort, and shows your love for her in a way that is instant. You can just do this while watching television, a movie, or reading a book. Although I admittedly have my own man-chair, sometimes it really shows my wife that I care when I leave the comforts of my man-chair behind to spend some quality time with her. Leave the recliner behind and join your wife on the couch! She will be glad you did.
10. Hugging/Kissing Her
When we were first married, I did not always kiss my wife the very first thing when I came home from work. That led to a lot of problems. Now when I come home, it is the very first thing I do. It shows her that I am happy to see her and that I missed her and thought about her throughout my day. Hugging is not something that comes naturally to me. However, my wife really enjoys being held. If she is upset, she usually needs a hug. Sometimes it is just a nice way to say “I love you” without actually saying it. Make sure to hug your wife at least daily. Hugging and kissing your wife is the easiest way to say “I love you” without actually saying it. It takes minimal effort and wives love it. It is an action that shows support, and our wives need to know that we support them.
There you have it. There are many other ways to show your wife that you love her. If you are struggling to show her that you love her, these ten practical ways would be a good starting point. Make sure that you try to discover what works best for her.