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10 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Is a Cheater

Updated on April 25, 2016

Can your partner resist temptation?

10 Things You Lover Will Say or Do If They Will Cheat, and Your Subconscious Will Pick up on Them.

Do you have that gut feeling that your lover is cheating on you or will cheat on you? Here are ten examples of how your lovers sayings and actions may be telling you that they are a cheater, and what those actions and sayings really mean. It is not your fault that you are jealous, you are not crazy, you are just reacting to what their words and actions are telling you. You couldn't put your finger on it, but your subconscious mind is picking up that underhanded, sneaky cheater vibe that they are sending out.

1) Just because I'm on a diet don't mean I can't look at the menu, (stupid saying)

This is saying a couple of different things. First, the person saying this is saying that he or she is not getting what they really want, that they are depriving themselves of something. The fact that they view the relationship as a diet means that it is a restrictive second choice, that they are in it because they feel they have to, or because it is safer for them, but not because they want to. No one ever chooses to just be on a diet because they want to, because they love brussel sprouts and raw carrots as opposed to donuts, cookies and barbeque spare ribs. I mean who does not want to tear into a chocolate cake, eat a tub of ice cream, a porterhouse steak? If you have gone on a diet it is because you feel you have to, examples are, None of your clothes fit, you are feeling self conscious, people are looking at you in a bad way, your feet hurt, etc..., Or because it makes you feel safer, you might avoid that heart attack, stroke , diabetes, etc. So the relationship being viewed as a diet don"t say a lot for you lovers opinion of their situation. Second thing this saying means is that your lover is not serious, if they are (looking at the menu) That means they are unhappy with what they ordered and ate. People who like what they ordered, look no further. People who are full are satisfied, why would you need to look at a menu if you are full or satisfied? Clearly your only motive for looking at the menu would be, you did not like what you had so you want to find something else for next time, or you are not full or satisfied with what you have and you want something more. Either way they are unhappy with what they currently have and are exploring other options, that is not a good sign. Oh yeah by the way, what are dieters prone to do.... CHEAT. Now that we established what the diet comment means, that brings me to my second point.

2) Gawking at someone else. Rubbernecking if you will. ( Uncaring action) Aside from the clear insulting message your lover is sending you while you , the love of his / her life is sitting there with him / her, you were just the star of the show, as you should be after all you have done for him / her, but now they are choosing to ignore you, like you have just left the room. That action alone is saying that whatever they are looking at is a better choice for them as far as they are concerned, hence the person they are looking at is better then you, or at least looks better then you in his / her opinion. This is not what you feel like doing when you are truly in love or devoted to the one you are with. If you are truly devoted, your heart will choose your lover every time. You will choose to look at whatever is most appealing to you, if you are devoted, it will be your lover that is most appealing to you because that is the way love and attraction works. The mind will reason out why do I want to look at a puddle of mud when I have an ocean in front of me. If your lover is not devoted, and or not satisfied with you, then he will look at the other person, that means to your lover, you are the puddle of mud.

3) If I'm going to be accused of doing something, I might as well do it. Wow.. really. Now that is just a person looking for an excuse. Not only do they want to cheat, but they are too cowardly to owe up and take responsibility for their own slimeball actions, they want to blame it on the victim, you. If you lover has said this to you, run! We all know that is a crock, if someone accuses him or her of trying to commit suicide will that make them kill themselves? Not likely.

4) Locked cell phone. ( sneaky action)

If you are in a relationship, you are no longer one, you are two that make up one. You have no reason to have anything private from each other. If your lover has their cell phone locked and you do not have the password, or if you can not look at the phone then there is something on it, or something anticipated to be on it that your lover does not want you to see, period. There is absolutely no excuse for this unless your lover works for the fbi, cia or secret service and it is his work cell phone, otherwise, they are cheating end of story.

5) Look at the rack on that. (inconsiderate sayings)

If your significant other makes comments about the anatomy of other men / women, this is not a good thing. It means that they are definitely looking pretty hard, and they felt compelled to say it outloud, that means it got to them in the deepest way, motivating them to draw other people's attention to it. Not only does it show an utter lack or respect for you, but also the person they are talking about. Anyone who inspects someone else so thoroughly in front of the one they claim to love, has other motives. You can just imagine how far they take it when the person they are in a relationship with is not around.

6) Texting only (sneaky action)

If your significant other is away form you, supposed to be at the doctors, visiting a relative, or something else outside of work hours, and they request to only talk via text, that means that something is going on in the background that they don't want you to hear, meaning they are not where they say, and not with who they say. Or it means that they don't want the person they are with to hear what they are saying to you, or know about you. Either way it is a recipe for a cheaters meal.

7) All men / women cheat (Ridiculous saying)

If the love of your life has said this to you, than they mean it, and that includes them. Not much else to be said here because out of their own mouth they pretty much told you that they cheat, unless of course they are not a man or a woman.

8) No relationship listing on social media ( suspicious action)

If your loved one spends a lot of time on social media, but looking at his/ her account they make no acknowledgment being in a relationship, no pictures of you and him / her anywhere to be found, no indication that they are not single, then that is probably because they want it that way. Why not show off that you are in a relationship, unless of coarse you have your reasons for not wanting anyone to know.

9) I just wanted to be one of the guys / girls, I was trying to fit in. ( stupid saying, also a lie.)

If your wonderful pearl of a dream lover, has uttered these words to you after doing something not conducive of a loving relationship, like going to a strip bar with the boys, or going to an all night party with the girls at the office, staying out all night, partying, spending all the bill money, etc. This person has not only cheated on you, or is going to cheat on you, but they are also irresponsible, incapable of having a productive healthy, happy, loving or caring relationship. If this person has done this once, they will do it again. This is something you either are capable of doing , or you are not capable of doing. You do not do this to a person if you love them. The kind of person that can do this, will cheat, and they will not accept responsibility for it afterwards. They are a weak person, and can be led astray by anyone at anytime.

10) Once a cheater always a cheater. (encore actions)

The obvious one that people don't always see. If your person has cheated on you in the past, they will do it again period! There is no such thing as an accident when it comes to cheating on someone, could you accidentally pick up a pile of poop smell it then put it in your mouth and eat it? Do you know how much effort , conscious effort, with time to think and pauses in between, that it takes to get undressed and sleep with someone? Think about it. If they slept with someone , they knew what they were doing and meant it. If they did not care then, they do not care now, it's not rocket science. Also beware if you stole you significant other from someone else to begin with, then that means that they are the kind of person that can be stolen from a relationship, they are not loyal, your subconscious will know this.

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    • Gypsy Hope profile image
      Author

      Gypsy Hope 15 months ago

      You are so right, about several things, we all, (well most of us anyway) grow up. As we mature we tend to develop morals and values. We tend to prioritize on the right things. You make a good point when you say that the cheating occurs long before the act. This is why I say if you are a loyal person, true to yourself and your partner, you will not put yourself in a situation that could lead to " the act". We all have that feeling, or that little voice if you will, inside us that tells us when we are doing wrong, so I don't believe that anyone accidentally gets in that situation. When we were toddlers and we snuck into the cookie jar, we saw mommy coming ... we started to cry, we knew we were in trouble, we knew we were wrong, even at the ripe old age of three. So I don't buy it when a grown adult claims that they didn't know it was going to lead to cheating. You are so right about the justification, the lying and the cheating, hand in hand.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 15 months ago

      "Cheating is a choice that you make and that tells you where your morals and values are." (At a particular given time).

      One would hope we evolve over the years. A teenager who shoplifts for the fun of it may grow up view (stealing) as being a crime.

      Are they now a hypocrite? No, their values changed.

      What seemed appealing at age 20 may not be in line with one's values at age 30 or 40. Having said that I do believe there are instances where people may get swept away by emotion or romantic notions if they're going through a rough patch in a relationship and yet lack the courage to walk away. As I noted earlier someone comes along and makes them feel "special" again. At this point they're not cheating but they find themselves looking forward to seeing him or her at work or in class. They're making the effort work out or dress better. They find themselves engaging in long conversations and "discovering" how much they have in common.

      The "emotional cheating" took place first. Someone eventually hugs another to comfort them after a particular bad day or leans in for a kiss and fireworks go off.... Suddenly it's {them} that life has played a "cruel joke" on!

      (What do you do when you meet "the right person" at "the wrong time"?)

      The obstacles, secrecy, and lies somehow "romanticizes" and intensifies their relationship.

      (We never "planned" for this to happen...)

      I guess the "secret lunches and dinners" don't count as being part of the {plan}, the sharing of intimate details about relationship problems, sharing dreams & hopes they never discussed with their own mate.

      For lack of a better word they were in a "courtship phase". Most cheating begins long before there is physical contact.

      I believe there are three basic reasons why people don't cheat.

      1. They are actually "in love" with their mate!

      2. They don't want to do anything that might kill the relationship.

      3. They know how hurt {they'd be} if their mate cheated on them!

      If someone isn't "emotionally invested" in their mate or the relationship temptation can sway them without a moment's notice. A "girl's or guy's trip to Cancun or Las Vegas could easily lead to sex with a stranger.

      I've never been a fan of "girls/boys night out" or separate vacations.

      Most couples actual awake time together is much less than they think it is when you factor in work (8) hours plus 1 hour lunch apart, driving back and forth 30 minutes each way is another hour, running errands after work, making dinner, watching TV, chatting with friends on the phone, or spending time with children... and getting (7-8 hours of sleep).

      We probably spend less than 2 hours one on one with our mate per day! Anyone in that situation who "needs a getaway" just wants to be away!

      Another threat to relationships has to do with whom we associate with. If your man has "players" for best friends odds are every time they go out to shoot the breeze they're telling him about some "wild night" they had or reminiscing about their past exploits when he was single too.

      If on some level he is "bored" with having a wife, kids, responsibilities and the requirement of being considerate of another person before doing anything.... Temptation may come knocking disguised as his friends.

      The first "lie of justification" a cheater tells is to him/herself.

      (Just because I'm married or in a relationship doesn't mean I can't have "friends" of the opposite sex!) {Friends their mate doesn't know}

      (I'm sure he/she has "friends" I know nothing about...")

      (It's not like we're "cheating"! There is nothing going on between us!)

      (Flirting is not cheating. I'm sure my man/lady flirts too!)

      There are two common traits to cheating: lying and secrets.

      Every cheater is a liar either directly or indirectly and sometimes by omission. At some point they will be asked about their whereabouts or what they did during the course of a day and odds are they're NOT going to say I went to meet up with someone you don't know for lunch...etc

      Even if they say: "I had lunch with a (friend) of mine." It's misleading.

      As for the locked phone hopefully if you're married to someone you both have earned each other's trust whether one chooses to not lock their phone or not. Everyone is entitled to have their own "must have" traits in a mate.

      However problems arise when one expects their mate to "change" for them. It would be easy for someone to refuse to date guys/girls who lock their phones! The goal is to find someone who (already has the traits) you want in a mate. There is no "right" or "wrong" only "agree" & "disagree".

      Couples who (naturally agree) tend to be happier!:)

    • Gypsy Hope profile image
      Author

      Gypsy Hope 15 months ago

      You are very wise and very right! When a person is young they are more likely to cheat. There is always hope that a person can change, often times they do... unfortunately more time then that, they do not. Cheating is a choice that you make and that tells you where your morals and values are. If there are problems in the relationship that make the mate feel as if they are unwanted, they should talk this out with the other person, if they can not reach an mutual agreement , then it is time to move on, not shame yourself and compromise your own values by sneaking around cheating. You raise very good points and thank you for your comment. It is my opinion that if a person cheats that is a reflection of how they view themselves, of how little respect they have for themselves, how they hold nothing sacred. That said, it is my opinion that someone who does not respect themselves enough to be true to a life that they have built, then how can we expect them to be true to us? As far as the cell phone thing, I am just a really open person, so it maybe that most people look at it just the way you said. Still I am going to grant access of my cell phone to my husband , and I expect the same in return.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 15 months ago

      These are all really good especially if one is dealing with someone who young and immature. Two exceptions that come to mind are.

      #4 - Locked Cell phone

      Unless this is an all of a "sudden" thing it most likely is something he always had done even before he met his mate! Some people are private when it comes to the cell phone and email accounts. From their point of view it's the equivalent of allowing others to open their personal mail.

      The reality is most relationships fail. Until there has been a serious commitment established there is no need to expect someone to grant full access to everyone that pops into their life for 3-6 months.

      Trust is (earned) over time.

      #10 Once a cheater always a cheater.

      This is a self-defense statement one uses to protect them self or keep them from forgiving someone. Others apply this rule even if the guy has never cheated on (them) but they are aware he did cheat on someone in his past.

      On the face of things this is really a silly statement especially when we know it's possible drug addicts to give up drugs, alcoholics to give up alcohol, and smokers to give up tobacco and yet if someone cheated on their girlfriend/boyfriend at age 18 they are "doomed" to be a cheater for the rest their natural born life! Seriously???

      Anyone in their teens and 20s is most likely not truly ready to be in a "forever" relationship. They're just too naïve and immature to know that those years are ripe for evolving and exploring.

      Odds are they haven't figured out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate for life. The average guy in his 20s for example either just left a dorm room or broke out of his parent's basement.

      His primary interest are partying with friends, playing videos, watching sports, and getting laid. The thought of settling down, getting married, signing a 30 year mortgage, and having children is like watching their life flash before their eyes!

      Most men don't start getting serious about relationships until their into their 30s. Any teenage girl or woman in her early 20s who is "in love" with a guy her age is probably setting herself up for heartache.

      There are three basic cheaters:

      1. The Incessant Cheater

      His motto is: "Variety is the spice of life!" He gets bored very easily, oftentimes charismatic, flirts and uses sexual innuendo often with strangers. He needs someone "new" to keep him interested.

      2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater

      This guy is not "proactively" looking to cheat. However he may "cave into temptation". Maybe he thinks a co-worker is "hot" or whomever and they (hit on him) or make it known he could have them for a night while on a business trip or whatever. An opportunity to make a "forbidden fantasy" a reality...etc This type of cheater may confess weeks, months, or years later because the guilt tends to eat at them.

      3. The Discontented Cheater.

      This person blames YOU! If you had done or stopped doing something they "never" would have went outside of the relationship. Essentially you took them for granted, stopped having sex, or were emotionally unsupportive of their dreams/goals...etc Someone else came along and made them feel "special" again. She flirted with him, complimented him, and listened to how his girlfriend or wife berates him or complains. Naturally the new woman is on (his) side and empathizes with him.

      Having said that oftentimes the betrayed person if they buy into this they will give their mate a second chance.

      The goal of most cheaters is to (compliment) what they are already have. They want to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. They have usually have no desire to replace one relationship with another one.

      I agree with you cheating is not a "mistake". It's a choice!

      Ultimately the betrayed person has to decide if cheating is a "deal breaker". Oftentimes people are quick to forgive because they can't handle the betrayal and going through a breakup/divorce all at once.

      Never offer forgiveness unless you really believe you can forgive.

      Welcome to HP!