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10 Reasons to Dump a Boyfriend - He's Probably a Sociopath

Updated on August 2, 2017
Charming, obsessive, manipulative Henry VIII destroyed fortunes and lives all while justifying  his behavior and claiming a phony moral high ground.
Charming, obsessive, manipulative Henry VIII destroyed fortunes and lives all while justifying his behavior and claiming a phony moral high ground. | Source

He's smart. He's charming. You're crazy about him. Even if your friend's say that he's a liar.

Sure you’re crazy about him. After all, he’s charming, good looking and intelligent. You’re the center of his life. And even if he’s sometimes rude or dishonest with friends and family (his or your own), he’s always good to you. Other people just don’t understand. These are the signs of a sociopath.

Well, honey, looks aren’t everything. Before you marry a sociopath or start having children with him, surrender your precious life to him, you need to take a good objective look. Is your guy a sociopath?

1) He’s lied to you three times. That you know of. The lying won’t stop.

2) In arguments, his logic trumps your emotions and morals. When disagreements arise, he makes you feel inadequate, stupid or crazy.

3) He is contemptuous of others. Soon it will be you. Or your children.

4) He’s never wrong.

5) He does not show remorse. Everything is somebody else’s fault. If he did or said something out of line, he refers to it as something ‘that happened,’ not something he did or said.

6) People close to you warn you about him. Their vision isn’t clouded by "love." Others don’t understand him but you do. You can save him from his martyrdom.

7) He goes for cheap thrills – sex, drugs, booze, out-of-the-norm, unhealthy, or compulsive behavior

8) He can be charming and often gets his way by appearing more clever than you or other people.

9) His good acts never go unnoticed. He is heroic! (It's all about him)

10) He has notions of entitlement because he is better than everybody else.

How many popular songs have been written about this guy? While it all seems romantic now, if he is a sociopath, it’s all an act. Maybe he is happy. Because he is getting what he wants. Of course he is good to you. His ‘goodness’ is the bait. Your children will be the hook. You will become, in due time, his victim.

Sure, Healthcliff loved Cathy and charmed others but his obsession, manipulation, and total lack of empathy makes him a sociopath.
Sure, Healthcliff loved Cathy and charmed others but his obsession, manipulation, and total lack of empathy makes him a sociopath. | Source

Not All Sociopaths are Savage Killers

We tend to associate sociopaths with famous examples like Ted Bundy, Adolf Hitler, and James Jones. But not all sociopaths cut such a huge swath. The average sociopath may be somewhat successful and may never kill anyone. The average sociopath may steal all your money, cheat on you, make you feel small and stupid, or cause turmoil and heartache in your family.

When presented with obvious evidence of wrong doing, he will not address the evidence but attack you. He will try to twist your words or motivation in an effort to make you feel inadequate. When caught publicly, the sociopath will refer to his wrong-doing as something that happened, unable or unwilling to admit that he was at fault.


In 'Night of the Hunter,' Robert Mitchum plays a sociopath posing as a man of God

Count Dracula was charming and supposedly handsome but you wouldn't want to get mixed up with this guy
Count Dracula was charming and supposedly handsome but you wouldn't want to get mixed up with this guy | Source

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti-Social Personality Disorder

It has been suggested that the character I described is actually someone with narcissistic personality disorder, and, indeed, there are similarities. Also, one personality disorder can combine with another personality disorder as well as other psychiatric problems.

Narcissistic personality disorder occurs three times more in men than in women. The person with narcissistic personality disorder wants and feels he deserves the best of everything. That sense of entitlement makes him condescending and arrogant. He feels specially gifted and talented and may be preoccupied with power and success and a need for admiration. He feels no empathy with other people and will become defensive if criticized. He'll appear deeply wounded when his wrong doings are pointed out.

Obviously, someone with narcissistic personality disorder can be difficult to deal with or live with. He can cause great emotional hurt to those who love him.

But the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and the anti-social or sociopathic person is that the person with narcissistic personality disorder are merely callous and unfeeling in their treatment of others.

The sociopath's manipulative behavior is calculated and premeditated. The sociopath needs a victim and herein lies the danger.

Why didn't you listen to your mother?

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    • Dolores Monet profile imageAUTHOR

      Dolores Monet 

      9 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Pieter - The very definition of anti social personality disorder includes a disregard for the rights of others, pathological lying, a lack of empathy, contempt for the feelings of others, and a lack of moral responsibility. The fact that these people are capable of great charm and can convince others (or con others) into trust makes them dangerous. I wrote this as a warning to young women. If you have a problem with this, methinks thou doth protesteth too much.

    • profile image

      PieterB 

      9 years ago

      You've missed my point entirely.

      I'm not saying that they should be able to patch things up.

      I'm saying, Don't blame the victim; but try to understand that there is no victim but an attraction in between two people.

      Don't stigmatise sociopaths because -for all you might know- they act on just as much insecurities as the 'victim' who is looking for someone to protect and support her/him. A way of thinking and asking for attention which in its isolated way can also be harmful or 'wrong'.

      These people get attracted to each other for a reason; if both don't learn how they are attracted by that. Then both can very easily repeat the pattern in a next relationship, and nothing is gained from that particular experience.

      You can be just as dangerous and as manipulative to your own children and their mental health but(like most sociopaths or other character disorders) not even be aware of the mistakes you are making.

      Don't run around labeling everbody, calling this one a freak and that one a victim.

      It is an unrealistic way of thinking and psychology is much much more then text book quotes.

      With all due respect...

    • Dolores Monet profile imageAUTHOR

      Dolores Monet 

      9 years ago from East Coast, United States

      PieterB, bitter? Because I called sociopaths stinkers? Or whatever? You might think I am talking about guys who just don't work out. I am talking about sociopaths. These guys (and gals too)actually need people to victimize. I'm sick and tired of the blame the victim mentality. If a guy (or gal) is manipulative, and dangerous, of course the proper course of action is to avoid them. You can't work things out.

      But, hey, don't believe me. Look it up yourself.

    • profile image

      PieterB 

      9 years ago

      Well I understand that my position might seem defensive.

      But I believe it is for a valid reason; like you said women get attracted by those kind of men because of their own weaknesses.

      Protraying it as 'the man being the problem or even a social/sexual predator' helps others believe that getting rid of him is the end of it.

      But in fact it should only be the beginning in learning to understand themselves and even getting to realise that themselves are just as much to blame for putting themselves in such a position.

      One of the reasons I am being so defensive is that despite this article doesn't exactly point out someone specific; it does encourage people to think that way; to blame the other.

      It is even apparent in some of the responses to the article.

      There is for example no mention of the fact that everybody displays sociopathic behaviour in some way or antoher to some degree. Just as much there is no explanation about getting rid of 'the guy' is only the smallest step of getting to know yourself and your own behaviour.

      In return, your response of 2 months ago does not say anything of the sort (again). It even comes to the point where it begins to sound very unrealistic and even bitter.

    • Dolores Monet profile imageAUTHOR

      Dolores Monet 

      9 years ago from East Coast, United States

      PietrB - First of all, no one is specifically pointing a finger at any particular person. And of course we all have flaws. It's those flaws that attract women to sociopathic men, it's their weakness and dependency on guys who appear to be other than what they are.

      The behavior described above is not really a disease but a character disorder. Diseases can be cured. Awfully defensive, aren't you?

    • profile image

      PieterB 

      9 years ago

      I think you all should be very carefull of what and how you state things; it is always very easy to point a finger at someone else and disregarding your own flaws or lack of social awareness.

      I get very frustrated that people can talk about someone else's persnality as if it's a disease but at the same time talk about themselves as if they are a gift from god.

    • Dolores Monet profile imageAUTHOR

      Dolores Monet 

      9 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Jarn, i really need to expand this one, it was written early on and I concede your point that the person described is certainly narcississtic, but the one who is a real trouble maker for young ladies to avoid is the narcissistic sociopath who feels entilted to treat a gal like shit. The sociopath derives pleasure from the manipulation of others and you sure don't want to deal with that. From a lot that I've read, they certainly are closely related. Thanks for commenting.

    • Jarn profile image

      Jarn 

      9 years ago from Sebastian, Fl

      While I much enjoy your article, I fear that you're mixing sociopathy with narcissistic personality disorder. In point 2, his logic may or may not be present at all; the fact is that he does not experience emotion unless it directly pertains to how he likes to live his daily life. If the situation doesn't directly affect his pleasures, it doesn't matter. This is a sign of a sociopath. A narcissistic personality disorder will need to be right, regardless of his tactics. Again, many of the points you raise are more indicative of a narcissistic personality disorder; they feel entitled to the described behavior and continue to act so until challenged and beaten by another individual, at which point they back down or leave to find a lifestlye more conducive to their needs. This problem is characterized by manipulating other people's emotions out of a feeling of need or entitlement. A sociopath, on the other hand, is very callous with how they act because it's pretty much all the same to them. As long as they're getting what they want when they want it, everything's alright. When they're not, batten down the hatches and head for the cellars, folks, because you've got someone completely incapable of mentally placing themselves in other peoples' shoes who will do anything and everything to get what he wants. While the outcome between the two may be the same, there is a big difference in motive, intention, and the manner in which they go about achieving their goals.

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